2010 - Oslo
(Telenor Arena)

Here are our thoughts on each entry, as recorded on the night of the contest:

Azerbaijan - 0pts
Safura - "Drip Drop"

E    Guitar opening and a dull song in English. Slow ballad drip-drop... rather disappointing.
C    Ivan's still ill. We wish him all the best.
E    Weak and ordinary.
C    Yawn.

Spain - 0pts
Daniel Diges - "Algo pequeñito"

E   Sings in Spanish.
C   A Leo Sayer lookalike playing the Child Catcher.
E   It's rather old fashioned.
C   Children's toy pizzicato.
E   Very post-Norway.
C   Oooh. A stage invasion!
E   A second singer's arrived. It kicks off near the end but it's far too late.

Norway - 0pts
Didrik Solli-Tangen - "My Heart Is Yours"

C   In English. It's a ballad. A boring ballad.
E   Getting a bit rousing and explosive now.
C   Dizziness inducing camerawork.

Moldova - 0pts
SunStroke Project and Olia Tira - "Run Away"

C   A fiddler on a turntable.
E   Big dance beat.
C   A woman in air-gun eye-makeup.
E   A cheap sax riff. It's a duet! But it's not really going anywhere. The chorus is a bit weak and underpowered.

Cyprus - 0pts
Jon Lilygreen and The Islanders - "Life Looks Better in Spring"

E   This looks bad already. A strummy git with a standard American voice - all whispy and hittable.
C   Very boring and ordinary rock ballad.
E   Very normal chorus the old folks will love. It's in English.
C   Yawn.
E   Competently done mid-'90s thing.

Bosnia & Herzegovina - 4pts
Vukašin Brajić - "Thunder and Lightning"

C   Thunder.
E   Better strumming... heavy guitars and a strong rhythm. In English.
C   He pretends to play a guitar solo.
E   Decent enough but not special.
C   May win at this rate.
E   A tangential middle-8. Then it collapses.

Belgium - 0pts
Tom Dice - "Me and My Guitar"

C   A man and a guitar. Walking in Memphis or some such cock.
E   The minor bridge is ok if a little clichéd. A chorus for fag-lighters is again tediously mid-'90s.
C   Yawn again.
E   Him, his guitar and a backing tape.

Serbia - 3pts
Milan Stanković - "Ovo je Balkan" (Oво je Балкан)

C   Ooh.
E   A brassy opening.
C   This is more like it.
E   Odd looking man doing a Turkish entry. Even this is underpowered, though. But those Cuban stabs are helping.
C   More doll-play.
E   Sung in foreign.

C   Spain will perform again following their pitch-invasion.

Belarus - 5pts
3+2 feat Robert Wells - "Butterflies"

C   Another slow ballad gently building.
E   Rather Israeli but less fun. Five of them.
C   Hah! They have butterfly wings!
E   Hallelujah! As a power ballad!
C   Ok.
E   In English.

Ireland - 0pts
Niamh Kavanagh - "It's for You"

E   Don't you just hate them? Fucking pipe keyboards.
C   Horrible echo on the word "magic".
E   Nastily boring and competently dull.
C   An over-the-top end. Again.

Greece - 10pts
Giorgos Alkaios and Friends - "OPA" (ΟΠΑ)

C   Bang!
E   Whee!
C   Dance! Ethnic rock.
E   Very Med.
C   Tattooed men in white hoodies.
E   In foreign.
C   This is better.
E   Peter Stringfellow does Turkey.
C   Opa!
E   Lots of grunting.
C   Ethnic instrumentation.
E   And tape effects.
C   A Turkish Ricky Martin.
E   Some mobile phone riffery at the end.

United Kingdom - 0pts
Josh Dubovie - "That Sounds Good to Me"

E   Light boxes.
C   Very last year.
E   And a rather naff pop number. Very SAW by numbers. It's a mess though.
C   A Kind of Magic backing vocals.
E   This is not a winner. It's a B-Side.
C   Disappointing.
E   Not very tunefully sung.
C   Eeee! Out of tune.
E   "That sounds good to me"... an unfortunate title.

Georgia - 0pts
Sopho Nizharadze - "Shine"

E   Ballad opening. In English.
C   Wind machine and dancers.
E   Boring me. But as I say that it explodes into arpeggiated guitars. And then collapses again. Then builds up and she gets carried away.

Turkey - 1pt
maNga - "We Could Be the Same"

E   An explosive start. Bit of metal.
C   A cockney rapper.
E   Hard rock in a post-Lordi vein.
C   A robot and flags.
E   The power ranger is doing angle-grinding.
C   And now is stripping to become a woman.

Albania - 7ps
Juliana Pasha - "It's All About You"

C   Oh yes. A Rachel Stevens synth-beat.
E   Playing SAW at their own game and winning.
C   Yes.
E   My feet are going at last!
C   Mad electric fiddle solo.
E   It's a very old school set-up: woman singer, alone; fiddler; three big black women doing backing vocals. Not a classic but it will do in a poor year.

Iceland - 2pts
Hera Björk - "Je ne sais quoi"

E   A Maltese woman sings an English song with a French title. A hardcore anthem as to be expected really. Ok. But not special at all.
C   We need the Ukraine now.
E   That stop key-change is a very tired effect these days.

Ukraine - 0pts
Alyosha - "Sweet People"

C   Here we go!
E   Moody start in English. Dark with guitar twiddles.
C   This better explode soon.
E   A drummer comes in.
C   Not my idea of an explosion.
E   Where's the sexy bums and Laibach graphics?
C   Guitar stabs and a wind machine are not what I was expecting.
E   This wasn't their first choice song. Their first choice was disqualified for being too old.
C   Disappointing.

France - 0pts
Jessy Matador - "Allez Ola Olé"

E   Typically French. Olé olé olé... North African Euro-pop. SAW out-played again.
C   A drum-stomp breakdown. And lost of arse wiggling. Very party party '80s fun... Venga Boys.

Romania - 8pts
Paula Seling and Ovi - "Playing with Fire"

E   Keyboard face-off recalling the UK in 1977. But this is funkier with a fun beat.
C   Cheeky and sassy if utterly cheesy.
E   An operatic section.
C   Liking this more than is right!
E   They get up.
C   This is a contender. Ivan would hate it!

Russia - 12pts
Peter Nalitch and Friends - "Lost and Forgotten"

E   A waltz.
C   With a high voiced man.
E   A very Russian ballad.
C   It's rather old-fashioned.
E   Oddly appealing. Folksy and well written. A dialogue section with the guitarist. Very good, this.
C   It's getting furious as the wind machine kicks in!
E   Very Portuguese by the end, I think.

Armenia - 0pts
Eva Rivas - "Apricot Stone"

C   Come on, Armenia!
E   The oldest performer ever in Eurovision is playing the duduk.
C   This is Norway's song from last year.
E   In English.
C   A big apricot stone is on stage.
E   A dance beat kicks in but all too late.
C   A tree is growing out of the stone.
E   That duduk sounds a lot like Irish pipes.

Germany - 0pts
Lena - "Satellite"

C   A German Lily Allen.
E   Or Kate Nash. She sings in English with a curious voice.
C   Slightly Björky. Sassy.
E   But not very good.
C   It's ok, but it's missing something.
E   Very Lithuanian really. It's a great accent.

Portugal - 0pts
Filipa Azevedo - "Há dias assim"

C   Lucy Porter sings a Bond theme.
E   But not a good one.
C   No. A Celine Dion one.
E   Not what Portugal should be doing.
C   Ends suddenly.

Israel - 0pts
Harel Skaat - "Milim" (מילים)

E   A chanson start.
C   But it turns into a power ballad.
E   Not their best by a long way.
C   But it's ok. Passionately done.
E   In six-eight time.

Denmark - 6pts
Chanée and N'evergreen - "In a Moment Like This"

C   "I'll Be Watching You", sung by a Sting lookalike too.
E   A woman at the other side of a translucent screen makes this a duet. And one with a nice gimmick.
C   It's a very big '80s ballad duet.
E   Fantastically well done.
C   Treadmills. Very last year.
E   A very big performance to blow all the other ballads away this year.
C   Sounds like another Eurovision song...
E   That wind machine is full on now!

For each year's songs we apply our points in the 12-10-8 style of the modern contest, irrespective of how the voting functioned at the time. In brackets is the position the song came on the night:


Peter Nalitch and Friends
"Lost and Forgotten"

Giorgos Alkaios and Friends

Paula Seling and Ovi
"Playing with Fire"

Juliana Pasha
"It's All About You"

Chanée and N'evergreen
"In a Moment Like This"

3+2 feat Robert Wells

Vukašin Brajić
"Thunder and Lightning"

Milan Stanković
"Ovo je Balkan" (Oво je Балкан)

Hera Björk
"Je ne sais quoi"

"We Could Be the Same"

Europe voted the increasingly annoying Germany the winner. The UK came last having been out SAWed by at least two other acts.