With the election looming like a Lancastrian husband from before the industrial revolution, this week's edition of A View considered looking at some of the more amusing parties standing. But sadly, since the demise of Sutch and the MRLs, the funniest we could find were the tories. And they are just not funny enough to sustain an entire article. Consequently, we have resorted to an examination of those films that will be on telly this bank holiday:
 

Abbot and Costello Meet Captain Kidd
Not the classic hollywood duo this time, but rather an ill-conceived 1986 remake starring Russ Abbot and Elvis Costello (what was he thinking of?). Captain Kidd here is actually a hopelessly mis-cast David "Kid" Jenson. Bella Emberg and Les Dennis also appear in this dreadful Russ Abbot vehicle with puns that will make you bleed. 1986. 1.5
 

To Have and Have Not
Classic Film Noir starring Brian Donlevy as an ex-cop who falls for the wife of a local senator. The two try to bump off the husband  in a series of increasingly ludicrous stunts. The twist at the end is shocking: Sixth Sense audiences should be warned against complacency here. 1941. 3.5
 

Far From Home: The Adventures of Yellow Dog
Canadian animation ripping off the boiling technique (and indeed the dog) of Bob Godfrey's Rhubarb and Custard cartoons. The un-named bright yellow canine finds himself stranded at the other end of the country by a Machiavellian purple feline, and becomes continually paranoid that the birds are out to get him. The cartoon charts the various mad-cap schemes he conjures up to try and get back home. 1985. 3.5 if you can get beyond the blatant plagerism.
 

Blank Cheque
Boring drama-documentary about the true story of a banking corporation's illicit financial arms dealings during the Iran Arms Contra Affair. TVM. 1991. 1.5
 

Key Largo
Bizarre and chilling crime thriller. A series of murders are linked by pieces of music left at the scene. The detective trying to connect the cases and stop the killer before he strikes again is crippled by flashbacks of the time he was thrown out of music college before he became a cop. 1989. 4.
 

Herbie Goes Bananas
Disney movie with volkswagen's answer to Kit. This is perhaps the strangest of the series, in which the car with attitude goes to Brussels to become a bureaucratic bureaucrat in the European Parliament. 1982. 1.5
 

Carson City
Awful idea. Frank Carson tries to do a stand up show in Belfast, but gets chased around the city by his mother-in-law. Many extremists have speculated that the chase follows a march route, an allegation that meant Carson was checking under his car for weeks afterwards. Will not be shown in NI. 1979. 1
 

Lassie: a New Generation
Terrifying Disney kiddy flick. In the year 2009, Super-dog Lassie is cloned, and mentally enhanced with a computer headset before being placed in charge of a space-ship crew of similarly altered canines plus token moggie love interest. Bonus points for cameo appearance of London, reprising her role as Littlest Hobo. 1988. 2
 

Revenge of the Pink Panther
Determined not to lose the franchise despite the death of Peter Sellars, Blake Edwards grimly resorted to using coroners footage and video clips of previous Sellars movies. An exercise in bad taste, wonderfully edited into an amazingly convincing whole. Makes Ed Wood look like an incompetent amateur. Sadly, the script is dire. 1985. 2
 

On Moonlight Bay
Childrens' drama about five kids who go on holiday to the Devonshire coast and befriend a horse there. They eventually train the horse to win the Grand National. Heart warming toss that triggered punk. 1975. 1.
 

Dunston Checks In
Dunston is an orangutan. He goes to a hotel. Much hilarity fails to ensue. Lacks Clint Eastwood. Canadian. 1996. 2.
 

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
Premiere. Ill-conceived cash-in sequel to Natural Born Killers. Oliver Stone joined Tarrantino in the ranks of the annoyed. Michael Caine and Steve Martin are the ill-cast criminals / media victims. 1997. 2
 

Jungle to Jungle
Un-hilarious romantic comedy in the wake of Romancing the Stone and Crocodile Dundee. Fred Ward stars as the hunky explorer who seduces unprepared journalist Julie Hagerty. 1988. 2
 

Speed
As a foretaster to Jeremy Clarkson's coming series on the same themes, BBC2 are showing this gritty and low-fi drama about the life of an amphetamine user in early eighties Doncaster. Stars Kieren o'Brien. 1996. 2.5
 

To Catch a Killer
Heart-warming drivel about a US mother who contracts a deadly disease with a forgettable acronym that ends with S for syndrome. Why do people churn out this crap? Incidentally, she lives. TVM. 1992. 1.
 

Army of One
Dull true-story shite about an American single mother fighting to keep custody of her children. At the same time she tries to balance this with life in the marines. The last bit was made up. 1995. 1
 

Pointman
Channel Four continue their series of tediously long art flicks with two hours of a Canadian man pointing. Occasionally he moves to point at something else. Readers of Paul Merton may find ways to pass the time. 1998. 2
 

Death of a Cheerleader
Based on the obscure Arthur Miller play of the same name. When a high-school jock is murdered at a frat party, a cheerleader eliminates the suspects one by one. Clue: the cheerleader did it. 1988. 2.5
 

Torn Curtain
kitchen sink drama. a poor family in a welsh pit village struggle to cope with events of the second world war when they are spurned by their fellow villages because their black-out curtain is damaged following a domestic argument. 1960. 3
 
 

So there you go. Have fun.
 

AView.
We accept no responsibility for any mistrakesd or misþr!nt§.

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