Poker:
[A brief history of Televised Poker since the late '90s...]
Best Sporting Event 2004 (C5 Poker)
[In the beginning was Late Night Poker on C4. It was very good. A handful of creepy looking men in a smoke-filled darkened studio. Compulsive post-pub viewing. After a few series, and the death of a winner, it fell off the screen, c.2003.]
October 2004:
It's been a while since Late Night Poker disappeared without trace from C4's schedules. When C5 poached Angel they treated it better than C4 ever did (even though it's not on this week, and will probably be away for a while [in fact Angel never did come back]), but how will they do with more mature entertainment? What we have here is coverage of the European Open Championship, so will we still have glass tables, and if not, will it have a negative effect on watchability? You'll have to watch and see...
[The European Open Championship was the first of C5's now omni-present Party Poker sponsored events. This first series was particularly low-budget, with a broom-cupboard set and some nasty graphics. But it was made by the same people as LNP and kept the voice of Jesse May and two of the three floorstaff: Thomas Kremser and Marina Rado. Another series in April saw Kremser replaced by LNP legend Mad Marty. Shown nightly, Jesse was initially joined in the commentary box by a laughing Irishman...]
April 2005
It took half the week before they realised that the graphics were too small to be read on anything less than your local IMAX. By Thursday night, though, they were just about decipherable, and the percentages on the scoreboard are a nice touch when they work properly. The nitrous oxide in the commentary booth was cut off on Friday, with a less amusing, but more informative second commentator. The poker was much improved by the end of the week too, with Mad Marty coming out of his shell, and some familiar faces arriving on the table.
[In June we were treated to coverage of a European Tour of real casinos, complete with live audience. Colin Murray replaced Jesse May as presenter and commentator...]
June 2005
Colin Murray? Colin Murray?!
The Poker is very slick this time. And is actually selling some adverts. Adverts on C5? What's the world coming to? The production standards are so much higher than the studio series, and we even got to see Thomas and Marina again in Dublin, which was nice. If we could have Jesse instead of Colin, and Mad Marty down on the floor it would be better of course, but we can't have everything. Not sure what the spectators get from it though. The multi-table coverage of the Poker final was rather interesting, though I miss the days of Late Night Poker when we wouldn't necessarily be shown all the players' cards. Added a bit of mystique. Still, nice to have a proper tournament. It'd've likely been better without Colin Murray, though he wasn't too bad by the end.
[This is the zenith of the poker bubble, demonstrated by the next development. Celebrity poker first hit our screens with a LNP Christmas special in the early days, and Party Poker always started its opens with a celebrity round: the winner would attain a seat in the first round proper. Now ITV saw an opportunity, and All Star Poker Challenge hit I1.]
July 2005
It's the semi-final and final of All Star Poker Challenge this weekend. My thoughts so far:
It has a nice set.
It's nice to see Thomas, Marina and Peter back together, just like in the old days of Late Night Poker.
It's poker on the telly, so that's a good thing.
It has pointless and irritating incidental music.
Victoria Coren isn't very good at commentating.
The players are rather rubbish and the show lacks excitement.
But as these are the finals, the standard of play should be somewhat better.
[We've now had virtually unbroken poker since April, and with the ITV's effort we've had it on two channels concurrently. Now, straight after the last two experiments, C5 give us another: Dave "Devilfish" Ulliot takes a group of poker virgins under his wing and, with the aid of minions, will turn them into decent players. It's a not entirely dissimilar format to BBC1's antiques show Dealing with Dickinson. But it's just listed as "Poker" in the RT.]
August 2005
It's starting to get ridiculous. Though at least this series is weekly rather than nightly.
When writing my selections last week, I actually wrote "Dealing with Dickinson meets Poker" after reading the RT blurb. Then I thought: no, it can't be that, so I re-read it and found that it could equally be describing a traditional format of internet qualifiers alongside pros. So I feel quite stupid that I deleted what I wrote, because the Poker was indeed Dealing with Devilfish. And it was bloody rubbish, so I apologise to anyone who watched it because of me. I didn't even manage a whole episode.
[Just when it looked like our screens couldn't get any more saturated with poker, C4 piped up with Late Night Poker Ace, a 100% amateur competition, with contestants creamed from internet poker sites...]
Television's obsession with the cards continues, with a return of the game to C4 - the place where it all started. It seems so long ago... But the Late Night Poker in the title carries with it the promise of greatness. Which it'll probably not live up to, but there you go. You know as much as I how it will turn out. Fingers crossed for hidden hands, a good set, some decent players and an entertaining tournament. We can but hope.
September 2005
A revisit to the warm shores of olden days was Late Night Poker Ace. It's only UK amateurs, which is a shame, but the production standards are far above those of C5, and the play is far in advance of ITV's celebs. The ad-bumper stabs and Jesse May (he looks like that?!) gave a warm and cosy sense that poker is back home. Useful pot stats most welcome, though they could leave off some of the card graphics for suspense's sake. Still, fact remains that Late Night Poker is still on top, even when the players are anonymous. Great stuff. And Marina's finally married Thomas. You can see the seething jealousy that burns in Peter's eyes. Unmissable cards.
[At this point, even I was getting a bit fed up. But the story is far from over. For here comes new kid on the block, I4. It's got its hands on the US coverage of the World Poker Tour.]
November 2005
I watched ITV4's attempt at Poker. It was American, and the graphics were a bit patronising. The cameras were claustrophobic, and I never really settled into the play, but mostly my problem was simply that I wasn't in the mood for poker tonight. Had we had no poker on telly for a year, I might've been very excited about this, but as it was, we're beginning to drown in it. The play might be top-end, but the presentation is cluttered and bothersome. We'll see how I feel next week.
[Even football gets a bit of a rest now and again. But C5 ploughs on with another Party Poker series...]
December 2005
Steve Davis is making his money this week; not just in the Snooker, but also commentating on the Poker. It was the celeb roundlet of another run of C5's Party Poker sessions. Mad Marty is still tournament director, Jesse May is still on hand, and the set is much improved. But I only saw about ten minutes, and as it was a celeb edition, the play was lacking a little. Keep with it though as the real players come to the table. Hopefully Davis will be sticking around too, which may add a little something.
[This latest series is epic in scope, with a seemingly infinite number of heats. It's still going when we rejoin the Ration Book in March...]
March 2006
This is just getting stupid now. Five years ago, in the days of Late Night Poker, late night poker was a good thing. Then there was a slight drought, and I called for the return of Late Night Poker. What we then got was a blizzard of poker telly, none of it as good as LNP but some of it quite good all the same. This week, Poker-mania reaches its zenith, with three Poker shows on (the tacky American World Tour Poker is still going out on I4, currently Sunday morning, 0050-0240). Five's current Party Poker World Open overstayed its welcome after about a month. I think this week's programme might be the (or a) semi-final, and about time too. If Steve Davis is in the commentary box, I'll watch it. If that bloke off EastEnders is doing it I definitely won't. No offence. Meanwhile, C4 kicks off with a Poker Nations Cup, which if nothing else is a novel gesture. It's in eight parts showing as close to nightly as is sensible. The timing is unfortunate. I can understand anyone not wanting to watch it. I'll give it a look, I expect, but eight episodes in a row, with the Five run coming to its conclusion... If you're going to watch any, watch the C4 one, but only watch a couple of them. They don't deserve eight episodes unless it's really good. And really good would have to involve dragons and midgets, I think. And live re-enactments of key battles from the War of the Spanish Succession.
A Week Later:
The new one on C4 is a novel concept: teams put up one player each episode, and in the final it's tag-team. So that should be interesting. The graphics take a while to get used to (too much emphasis on suit) but are quite informative (perhaps too informative with the mildly irritating World Series style glossary pup-ups). What with the poker glut, it might be worth only watching one or two, but the final will be a must see. Thomas and Marina present and correct.
[The tag team Poker Nations Cup was indeed a very entertaining romp. And the final of the Party Poker open was also pretty good. The two over, it was time for a rest. Surely. But C5 had other ideas, and went straight into a very bizarre World Cup Football cash-in. National teams made up of poker-pros and footballers went head to head. Tournament directors had yellow and red cards to penalise rough play (Devilfish, the England "captain", got sent off). This was a clear sign that poker television had lost the plot. And to make matters worse, the series ran for what seemed like years. I stopped watching TV poker. But TV poker carried on regardless. Another Party Poker open, and perhaps another European Tour, ticked away in the night-time, while I4 still kept up its US coverage. In the Autumn, C4 gave us another series of LNP Ace, which was followed by a pro-am mini-tournament: LNP Masters...]
October 2006
Alan Coren may have been curiously absent from the News Quiz, but his daughter is busy with the Late Night Poker team as professional poker returns to C4 after a long absence. As all too common, the pros are joined by amateurs via the Late Night Poker Ace series, but at least we have LNP production standards. Curiously, a similar format, the World Open (offered by the same company), is running on C5 on Wednesday night. They always have to overdo it.
[And so I watched neither. And still it goes on.]
March 2008
It is the Grand Final [of Late Night Poker on C4]. But I fear the poker bubble has long since popped, blinding the toddler of television with the sting of washing-up liquid.