BABYSHAM - EPISODE  6  (RED BUTTON FEED)

10 - INT 11 - JADE'S HOUSE - THURSDAY NIGHT (CONT)

BABYSHAM
Ok. I've made a decision.

ALAN
Dear lord...

BABYSHAM
We will find out what's happened to Stew.

LEON
Oh goody.

JADE
What about the jerking corpse in my back garden?

ALAN
Stopped jerking now.

JADE
Oh. Well that's alright then.

BABYSHAM
Come on.

Babysham storms off. Others follow. Leon looks down. Shrugs. Follows.

Wipe to:

11 - EXT 34 - CRICKET INN ROAD - THURSDAY NIGHT

Shot of tarmac. Babysham's motorbike boots step in, then Alan's sensible brown things, then Jade's black 1" heeled ankle-boots, then Leon with damp grey falling-down socks only. Pan to see them stepping over the zombie corpse of Mayburn. Pull up to reveal them walking over and looking up at Hyde Park flats. Dramatic music. Letitia's is the only lit window. Suddenly a form flies from the window, arms waving. It is Eric in cat form. Complete with cat squeal. Cut to him landing on all fours, tail aloft. He looks up at Babysham and licks his paw.

JADE
Aw. Pusscat.

BABYSHAM
That's not pusscat.
That's Eric Catchpole.

LEON
No. It's an angel.

ALAN
Where's its wings?

ERIC
We don't all have wings you know.
Some of us have tails and whiskers.

ALAN
Riight.

As they talk, they begin to subtly surround Eric.

BABYSHAM
Doesn't seem to impede your flying.
Letitia back yet?

ERIC
Might be.

BABYSHAM
She had any visitors?

ERIC
Inquisitive, aren't you?

BABYSHAM
Might be.

ALAN
What's an angel doing in Hell?

ERIC
Happens. What's a demon,
but a displaced angel? Eh?

BABYSHAM
Quite. Quite.

ALAN
Still. What are you doing here?

ERIC
Talki.....yaroooooooooow!

Babysham is stood on Eric's tail.

BABYSHAM
Where's Stew?

ERIC
They've taken him hostage!

BABYSHAM
Who have?

ERIC
Bhuvana, Letitia and Satan!
Please get off my tail!

BABYSHAM
Where are they?

ERIC
Up there!
Ow.

Babysham releases Eric.

ERIC
That's no way to treat an angel, you know.

BABYSHAM
That's why I'm in Hell.

ALAN
So who's Bhuvana?

LEON
Some sort of Übergod.

ERIC
She's gonna whip your asses.

ALAN
I don't have any asses.

ERIC
Then she'll whip you.

BABYSHAM
Ooh. Well I think the quicker 
we get up there the better.
You coming with us, Mr Cat-pole?

ERIC
Alas, Madame Letitia has kicked me out.

The "Madame" comes at the same time as the "Madame" in the green stream.

JADE
Aw.

ERIC
Aw indeed.

JADE
Why did she kick you out?

ERIC
I damaged her curtains.

JADE
Fair enough.

LEON
Who's Satan then?

ERIC
Sorry?

LEON
Who's Satan?

ERIC
He's a big red devil fella with horns.

LEON
Well why've I never come across him?

ERIC
Happen he's not your type.

BABYSHAM
You can shut up now, mog.
Come on.

12 - INT 31 - HYDE PARK FLATS LANDING - JUST BEFORE DAWN

Babysham leads Jade, Alan and Leon up the stairs to Letitia's flat.

LEON
...my feet are really starting to hur...

BABYSHAM
Shhh.

LEON
(quieter)
...urt me now.

Babysham buzzes the buzzer.
Beat.
Babysham peers into the spy-hole.

Shot of Babysham's magnified eye gives way to Babysham pressed against air as the door is opened. Babysham adjusts his weight to avoid toppling over.

Tinker stands at the door.

TINKER
You buzzed?

BABYSHAM
I buzzed.
Letitia in?

TINKER
Madame Letitia is out with her guests.

BABYSHAM
One of those guest wouldn't happen
to be a hairy bloke called Stew by any chance?

TINKER
A fellow of that description was among her guests, certainly.

BABYSHAM
And where might I find them, if, say,
I needed to get in touch with this Stew
on a matter of great urgency?

TINKER
They've gone to Devonshire Green.

BABYSHAM
Devonshire Green?

TINKER
Devonshire Green.

BABYSHAM
Why would they have gone to Devonshire Green?

TINKER
For the Parade.

BABYSHAM
Parade?

TINKER
Oh yes.

BABYSHAM
What Parade's that then?

TINKER
You don't know?
 

BABYSHAM
No.

TINKER
Why, God is in Hell on a state visit.

BABYSHAM
Is he?

TINKER
Yes.

BABYSHAM
Crikey. I had no idea.

TINKER
Well they keep these things relatively quiet for security reasons.
But he's going to be opening the new commercial zone down there. 

BABYSHAM
Right. I see. Well thankyou.
You've been most helpful for a change.

TINKER
My pleasure.

BABYSHAM
Goodnight.

TINKER
Nanight.

The door shuts. 

ALAN
Could we have not waited downstairs?

BABYSHAM
Well I didn't realise they wouldn't be in.

LEON
You're believing him then are you?

BABYSHAM
Well he is an angel.

LEON
And yet you're believing him?

BABYSHAM
Do angels tell lies then?

LEON
Is the pope dead?

ALAN
No.

LEON
Well near as bugger it.

BABYSHAM
Did any of you lot know
that God was paying a visit?

LEON
No.

JADE
I think I saw something about it in the Star.

ALAN
Not the type of thing I follow.

BABYSHAM
A-huh. Any idea when these sort of things start?

LEON
Depends how much they plan to do.
God likes to get things done as quickly as possible.
He hates to miss his telly.

BABYSHAM
Ok then.

The end of this scene coincides with the end of the scene on the green stream.

13 - EXT 36 - DEVONSHIRE GREEN - MORNING

Marshalls in yellow jackets are erecting plastic barriers and taping parts off. We pan/track through the scene to conclude on a shot of the book shop Rare 'n' Racy. As we stop our pan, Babysham, Alan, Jade and Leon enter shot from the opposite side. They stop in front of the building. Leon looks into the window. Babysham looks up the building. Alan and Jade look around the place.

The four enter, and we tilt up the building to the second floor (in English money). Fade to black (to coincide again).

14 - EXT 42 - UNIVERSITY ARTS TOWER - MORNING

Establish. The top should merge with the clouds.

15 - INT 43 - ARTS TOWER PATERNOSTER - MORNING

Filmed in grainy hand-held black & white '60s verité style. There should be a real sense of chaos in this tiny lift, with the cameraman having to dodge all manner of people. 

GOD (comp-gen Dennis Potter with the voice of Brian Blessed) is being groomed by a throng of courtiers, preparing him for his state visit. God wears a broad black suit with a thin black tie. He carries a copy of the script.

He has a female escort, JACKIE (Julia Sawalha). She wears a big black wig, a pink Jackie O coat and the obligatory sunglasses. The suggestion is that it is the real Jackie O. 

GABRIEL (Byrne) has a broad grey suit and a thick grey tie. He has a crew-cut and big specs, and we're going for a hint of Kissinger with him. 

HELEN (Julia Davis) is a different Helen to the one at the police station. A little confusing perhaps, but there you go. She's essentially the same floor-manager character as the Helen in the ANS Documentary, but played by someone else.

The rest of the throng are just crew (make-up, wardrobe et al).

GABRIEL
And here's the changes we made to the address.
As you can see, we've toned down the doughnut business...
gone for a more conventional soundbite.

GOD
"Ee, am an elephant's fooot!"

GABRIEL
Yeah... we're still not sure on the "fooot" thing, actually.
Might be a more north-western thing. We're still
checking it out, and we'll keep you posted.

GOD
Yees.

HELEN
Latest word from the Council of Angels...
They'll bankroll your request for six billion
but refuse to fork out for another pony.

GOD
A pony?!

HELEN
Yes. A pony.
You requested...
(reading from a script)
a giant six foot tall pony
to be coated with pink icing
and taught the works of Shakespeare.

GOD
Did I?

HELEN
Yes.

GOD
Blimey. I must have been really drunk that night.

HELEN
I rather think you must, your godliness.

GOD
And they have the audacity to defy my request?

HELEN
It would appear so, mein gott.

GOD
Bastard angels.

GABRIEL
Heh... If I might be so bold,
we are supposed to be at war,
and so there is only so much
in the way of funds for things
such as cultured iced ponies.

GOD
Then make funds. I demand a pony!

HELEN
Very well. We'll press them a little harder on that.

GOD
And tell them that if they don't give me my pony,
I'll sit on them. And then cast them out into the flamy wastes.

HELEN
Very good, oh scrumptious one.

GABRIEL
Latest word from the war ministry...
Tosh apparently unwilling to budge
with regards to the missile base on
Cumulus 4. Waiting on your word there.

GOD
Oh. Just nuke the fucker.

GABRIEL
With respect, sir, as I've explained before,
we can't actually nuke him without risking
him nuking us back. It's a sort of radar problem.

GOD
Then nuke his radar first.

GABRIEL
If I might perhaps suggest instead,
a tactical blockade, an appeal to
better judgement, and if the worst comes
to the worst, an exploding can of special brew?

GOD
If you get me my pony, you can do what the fuck you like.

HELEN
Perhaps now then, we might go through
the order of play today, your omnipotentness.

GOD
(to someone with a poky stick, fussing about him)
Will you stop poking me!
(to Helen:)
Go on...

HELEN
Yes. Well...

A flash map comes up on screen. Its appearence coincides with the change of scene in the other stream.

It's a map of the Devonshire Quarter. As Helen speaks, appropriate visuals accompany her (cut-out Robert Winstons and David Blunketts etc). When no visuals are forthcoming, flash up trivia on a tickertape.

HELEN (VO)
We start at noon, when you'll be meeting 
a council delegation at the City Hall.

GOD (VO)
That blind fucker won't be there, will he?

HELEN (VO)
Who, David Blunkett?

GOD (VO)
That's the sausage.

HELEN (VO)
No. He's not involved.

GOD (VO)
Thank me for that. Fella gives me the willies.

HELEN (VO)
Robert Winston's pencilled in though.

GOD (VO)
Who?

HELEN (VO)
BBC doctor and celebrity peer.

GOD (VO)
The one with the cigars?

HELEN (VO)
I don't think so.

GOD (VO)
Don't know him then.

HELEN (VO)
Well at 1pm, after vollevants, we get in 
the cars and drive up Division Street....

GOD (VO)
Armour plated cars?

HELEN (VO)
Er yes... well... we had a bit of a problem there...

GOD (VO)
A problem?!

HELEN (VO)
They'd run out of armour plated cars... 
but we've sent someone out to see if we 
can shield up what we have got.

GOD (VO)
I'm not getting in it if it isn't armour plated.

HELEN (VO)
With grovelling deference, you are an immortal deity.

GOD (VO)
Can't be too careful.

HELEN (VO)
Well we'll have something ready, I promise you.

GOD (VO)
Better had.

HELEN (VO)
When the convoy reaches Devonshire Green,
it will bare right up Devonshire Street, passing
between this book shop and this concrete knoll
for skaters, until you reach the new development
you're here to open. There we will disembark, 
you'll read your speech, and then you'll cut 
the tape on the commercial quarter. Ok?

GOD (VO)
Disembark. Speech. Cut. 

Back to the lift at the same moment that Chris goes outside in the other stream.

GOD
Ok, I've got that.
We nearly there yet?

GABRIEL
Just as soon as we pass through
the pan dimensional node.

GOD
And when will that happen?

GABRIEL
Round about... now.

The lift reaches the top of the building and shuffles along to prepare for the descent. Around the lift is a brilliant white limbo shining into it, and Gabriel hands God a pair of Jackie O sunglasses to counter the glare.

GOD
Thankyou very much.

God puts on the sunglasses at the same moment that the dwarf is revealed to us in the green stream.
The vibrations of the lift increase, and so does the light.

GOD
You know I really hate interdimensional travel.
I thought I was meant to be omnipresent...

GABRIEL
You were the one who signed up to that
surveillance limitation treaty with Tosh
to cut intelligence costs. I did tell you...

GOD
I thought we were going to welch on that.

GABRIEL
But if he were to find out,
you wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

GOD
How's he going to find out without
being in contravension of the treaty himself?

GABRIEL
We're allowed to use intelligence for
ensuring that conventions are upheld.

GOD
You're all fucking mad.

Cut (in stream-synch) to:

16 - INT 47 - CITY HALL STAIRS BAR / LOBBY - DAY

ECU of pernod, lemonade, raspberries and sponge-cake being blended by a hand-blender. When we pull out, it is being operated by Mark Steel in a waiter's uniform. Mark pours out the blended mixture into a cocktail shaker which he pulls out from behind the bar. He closes the shaker and begins to shake it about all Tom Cruise -like. Two black-cowled figures sit at the bar with their backs to us.

Mark catches the shaker and pours its contents into a martini glass. He adds a little clichéd decoration and shoves it left to the left figure. The left figure (whose face we don't see) drinks as we pan left and crane down the stairs past Alistair McGowan doing his Robert Winston / Grouch Marx thing in the direction of Tim Brook-Taylor as a comedy mayor.

We continue down the stairs and into the lobby where various minor celebs and extras mill in formal attire drinking garish cocktails from martini glasses.

Suddenly, a brilliant light fills the lobby. Everyone turns to the doors to see God and his aides. Everyone gets to their knees.

GOD
Oh, hello there!

Shot of the bar to see one of the cowled figures with his finger at his ear. He taps the other and they get up.

Back in the lobby, Winston and the Mayor approach God.

MAYOR
Good afternoon, your holiship.
On behalf of the people of Hell,
might I present you with this 
very special gift...

Jeanette Winterson in Welsh "national dress" drags into the room a 6ft tall pony covered in pink icing.

GOD
A pony!

PONY
(voice of Bill Nighy)
And Duncan's horses--a thing most strange and certain--
Beauteous and swift, the minions of their race,
Turn'd wild in nature, broke their stalls, flung out,
Contending 'gainst obedience, as they would make
War with mankind.

GOD
Well thankyou very much.
Ah, and here is my forward party.

The two cowled figures enter from each side and stand by God and his party.

GOD
Be the route secured?

One of the figures (still cowled) played by Vincent Kartheiser.

VINCENT
The cars have been prepared and are on their way.

GOD
This city hath a pleasant seat; the air
Nimbly and sweetly recommends itself
Unto our gentle senses.
Bring forth the volevants and
good digestion wait on appetite!








17 - EXT 36 - DEV GREEN: RARE & RACY - DAY

Establish. With crowds.

18 - INT 48 - UPSTAIRS, RARE & RACY - NOONISH

Babysham, Jade, Leon and Alan are here. Babysham is at the window, peering out to see what's happening down in the street below. Leon is flicking through chess books beneath him. Alan is peering about aimlessly. Jade is reading some art book.
In the corner is a desk with some staff member sitting there, reading Nietzche. We don't look in that corner unless we have to.

ALAN
You see anyone yet, Babysham?

BABYSHAM
Mmm? Oh. No. Er...
Nothing yet. There's crowds
gathering but no sign of Letitia or
Stew or anyone... Quite busy though.

LEON
Mind out.

BABYSHAM
Oh, right.

ALAN
What's the plan when you do spot them?

BABYSHAM
We seek them out and
try and find out what's happening.

LEON
Sounds a well formed plan...

BABYSHAM
Hmm.
Hang on... There.

ALAN
They there?

Shot out of the window, looking across the green to the skate-board enclosure. Letitia, Bhuvana, David (in human form), and Tinker are there, surrounding Stew.

BABYSHAM
Ahuh.

ALAN
Who're them?

BABYSHAM
Tinker from Lovejoy; he's some sort 
of demon creature... And that
one looks like it's David Dickinson.

ALAN
Must be a Mouseman thing.

JADE
Who's that other woman?

ALAN
Bhuvana, I guess.

BABYSHAM
She looks really familiar.

ALAN
I can't see them properly from this distance.

LEON
Given you've found them all, isn't it 
time we enacted your fabulous plan?

BABYSHAM
Yup. Come on then.

LEON
Let me just get these books.

BABYSHAM
Ok.

Babysham has found "Rajatarangini" by Kalhana, "The King Hunt" by Cozen, and "Play the Queen's Gambit" by Marovic. He takes them over to a counter in the far corner. His dealings are unheard.

BABYSHAM
They're just stood there.

ALAN
Some distance from the parade route,
isn't it. What do you reckon they're playing at?

BABYSHAM
Dunno, but Satanist sect
and the God dynasty... not
a good mix, is it...?

ALAN
No. Perhaps they're going to kill God.

BABYSHAM
Why kill God but keep Stew there?

JADE
Maybe they're holding Stew hostage.

ALAN
But God can't stand Stew.
Come on... let's get down there and 
sort this out before it turns nasty.

JADE
What a pleasant thought.

Leon returns with his books in a paper bag.

LEON
Ok then. Let's go and get ourselves killed.

JADE
That's the sort of positive comment I love to hear.

LEON
Thought it would be.

BABYSHAM
You all done?

LEON
Yup.

BABYSHAM
Ok then. Let's go.

They head off to the stairs and we focus on a postcard of the brickwork miner that's been pinned to the wall.
Mix to:

19 - EXT 1 - SNIG HILL & ENVIRONS - DAY

Crane shot of brickwork miner. Pull out / left and establish Babysham's offices and the Police Station. Then arc around, with the Woollens for Signs sign and the Ski Slope in the background. Long arcing track that eventually settles on Peel House. Over it we have:

JOHN PEEL (VO)
Just after 12:30pm, and I've arrived in
Hell for the Halloween holiday period. 

The door to Peel House opens, and John Peel appears carrying plastic bags full of Halloweenish items. He wears a Walkman.

JOHN PEEL (VO)
The bags I was carrying, containing all
the Halloween presents: mars bars,
smarties, milky bar buttons and numerous
other things, were extremely heavy. Emma,
my sister, should be showing up tomorrow.

John struggles along the ramp to West Bar, and passes Peel & Co on the corner. We see the Fire Museum and the Court House in the background.

JOHN PEEL (VO)
I'm still listening to Adam Bohman's
"Music and Words" on my Walkman.
Shreaded wheat, bran flakes, toast and 
a cup of oxo have been consumed.

He struggles to cross the pelican crossing.

JOHN PEEL (VO)
With the exception of tortoise shell and siam,
all puss-cats must be soaked for eight hours before
cooking in the microwave.  Be sure to use a container 
large enough to allow for further swelling during cooking, 
and top up with more boiling water if required.
Always cut off the cat's head and degut it, keeping
the head for fishstock or Flossie.

Fade to black.

20 - EXT 37 - BARKER'S POOL - DAY

The City Hall is covered in scaffolding, which gives us some good vantage points for the cameras later. For now, we will drape bunting over it and banners saying "God is Good" and that sort of thing. Crowds are gathered all around.

The two cowled figures exit the City Hall, followed by God, Jackie, Gabriel and Helen. One of the cowled figures talks silently at an ear-piece, though we can't see their faces. 

An armour-plated Citroën 2CV pulls up. God looks somewhat pissed off.

GOD
Are you sure this is safe?

GABRIEL
Come on. Of course it is.
I swear on it. Trust me.

GOD
Hmm.

God shuffles down the steps and gets into the car with Jackie, with one of the cowled men in the driving seat. 

HELEN
(to Gabriel:)
It does look a bit ricketty.

GABRIEL
Does, doesn't it.

God is having an argument with the cowled driver.

HELEN
If this screws up, we'll be cast out on
our ears. You realise that, don't you.

GABRIEL
It won't screw up.
I have paged the Oracle.

The car turns over a few times before starting. Cloud of blue smoke. The car moves onwards and the crowds go wild.

Mix to:

21 - EXT 36 - DEVONSHIRE GREEN - DAY

Open with a crane shot. Lots of crowds (eagle eyed viewers will see both sets of our heroes in the crowd, with this stream's set over on the south side). Closer on Babysham, Alan, Jade and Leon make their way through the crowds.

JADE
It's getting very busy for Hell.

ALAN
Yeah.

LEON
It's amazing what people can get excited about.

ALAN
But atheists with God?

LEON
He's a celebrity.
It's like a soap star.
It doesn't matter that they're
not real. They're famous.

BABYSHAM
And with God in Hell, there's always
a chance of an assasination attempt.

LEON
That's quite true.

BABYSHAM
Best claim to fame there is, having
been there when God was shot.

LEON
Unless you're the assassin, perhaps.

They approach the edge of the skate park. Babysham and Leon nod at each other.

22 - EXT 38 - SKATE PARK - DAY

David, Bhuvana, Letitia and Tinker stand around Stew, looking over the crowds. Stew looks bored.

STEW
Are they here yet?

BHUVANA
Give it a rest, love.

Babysham and Leon leap into the arena. Babysham holds Buffy. Leon holds a pistol of some kind. Babysham points at Bhuvana. Leon points at David. Rare & Racy should be in their potential firing line.

BABYSHAM
Wise words.

BHUVANA
Oh, hello there.

She waves.

LEON
Hand over Stew.

STEW
Nice one.

David checks a pocket watch, then ushers Stew over. Stew sticks two fingers up at his former captors as he walks across.

BHUVANA
We don't need him now that you're here. Letitia?

LETITIA
Vanilla!

Babysham melts slightly. Leon clicks his gun in that way that guns seem to do to step up the tension. Wide shot to include the parade route, with police motorbikes approaching.

23 - EXT 36 - DEV GREEN - DAY

An armour-plated open-top Citroën 2CV trundles slowly along the road between adoring crowds. There are police motorbikes at each end. God waves a bit. So does Jackie.

GOD
Look at them all... Like ants... 

High shot of crowds.

GOD (VO)
Would you really feel any pity if one
of those little dots stopped moving forever?
I'm just an author, killing off my characters
to give you an entertaining roller coaster ride.

24 - EXT 38 - SKATE PARK - DAY

LETITIA
My darling, what's with the guns?
I thought we were all friends...

Babysham lowers his gun.

BABYSHAM
Sure. We were just worried about Stew.

LEON
(looking at Babysham)
Oh. So we're cool now are we?

STEW
They're planning on assasinating God.

BABYSHAM
That right?

LETITIA
Maybe a little bit.

LEON
(letting his guard down like someone in a Tarantino film might)
Tricky business assassinating gods.
Need a special sort of weapon for it.

BABYSHAM
You do?

25 - EXT 36 - DEV GREEN: DIVISION STREET - DAY

In the 2CV:
The cowled driver speaks with a familiar voice, and we catch a slight glimpse of his face in the rear view mirror:

ALEX
(Vincent Perez)
I had an ant farm as a kid,
back in Canada. But they got
too big for the tank and my mom
made me empty the kettle over them.

26 - EXT 38 - SKATE PARK - DAY

Leon has pulled from his pocket some special ammo and loads it into his gun.

LEON
Diamond tipped pure silver
with a mercury core. Very expensive.

He fires four shots in quick succession. People are stood so that his firing arc need only be very narrow: Tinker then Bhuvana then Letitia then David. Bhuvana and David react subtly. 
The next scene pre-laps.

27 - EXT 36 - DEV GREEN: DIV STREET - DAY

ALEX
It was great fun. You could hear them screaming.

This scene is shot from the front seat. Hand-held, wide-angle.
As he says "great" we get the gunfire in the previous scene (due to the pre-lap), and a distant smash of glass. As he says "hear", we hear a tearing sound. As he says "screaming" he collapses forwards slightly in acute pain (and we hear a distant scream). God is lined up in such a way that he is between Alex and the window of Rare & Racy, in approximate line with Leon's position in the Skate Park. The back of God's head flies away, and his chest explodes with blood and mercury. Jackie is covered in splatter and gore. She shrieks.
Camera goes chaotic as the enormity of the situation wears in. Gabriel and Helen run up to the car and fuss about. Ad-lib.

From this point on, the soundtrack is highly muffled like it's underwater or something, and a growing Eraserhead throb will merge with it and eventually drown it out.

Beyond all the chaos we begin to focus our attention towards the skate park. Long distance reverse angle to:

28 - EXT 38 - SKATE PARK - DAY

We're looking beyond Babysham and Leon towards Tinker, Bhuvana, Letitia and David.
Following simultaneous:
Bhuvana looks down at her body. Red is seeping through her white outfit, somewhere near her stomach. She looks up, shocked and cheated. She touches her wound, looks mesmerised at the blood on her hand.
David has a blooded hole in his face. The two halves of his colourfully rimmed specs fall away from each other and crash to the floor. He rocks forwards gently, and then falls backwards, completely rigid.
Tinker clutches his heart as if hit. He hams it up. He swoons. He falls to the ground. He has not actually been hit.
Letitia is stood there smiling for a while until what's happening hits her. She checks her own torso, but is not hit. She looks increasingly psychotic.
We just about make out:

LETITIA
What have you done?

But we concentrate on Bhuvana leaning her head and looking betrayed. She clutches her wound, and mercury dribbles from it.

Babysham points Buffy at Leon. He looks shocked and questions Leon. Barely audible:

LEON
Vanilla?

Babysham lowers his weapon slightly, looking confused.
Jade comes up to Babysham and leans at his shoulder looking concerned. She seems a little annoyed by Leon's approach. Alan does nothing. Stew has caught onto the action in the road and is heading over into the crowds. Alan sees Stew leaving and goes to follow. Leon sees this as his opportunity to vanish into the crowds himself.

29 - EXT 36 - DIV STREET - AFTERNOON

Robert Winston is tending to the very dead God, while Jackie is shocked and apoplectic. Alex (with his cowl down) is sweating a lot and rocking. Vincent Kartheiser (cowl down) has come to assist him. There is evidently some sort of familial bond between the two as Vincent tries to comfort Alex.

At the side of the road, STEVE LAMACQ sits on the kerb wearing a pacamac. This is not central to the shot. There are other people about the place, visibly upset (this scene synched with green stream).

Stew reaches the roadside. He is clearly anxious. He dashes out into the road to the 2CV. Armed police click onto him and a red dot of light shines on his forehead. He doesn't stop at all, but he is recognised, and the weapons are dropped. As he runs up to the car, we crane up. In the distance we see Alan reaching the road edge. From high up in a soaring pan, we see the skate park, where Babysham is sat down looking lost, Jade is tending him. Tinker is tentatively kicking the dead corpse of Bhuvana. Letitia is hammering on the chest of David, all a-sob.

Slowly, and not initially apparent, we begin to follow the route of a figure in the crowd. It is STEVE DAVIS. He carries a cue-case.
Intercut with shots in the thick of the crowd. Shoot like a chase sequence.
Slowly reveal that he is apparently pursuing Leon along Division Street.

30 - EXT 37 - BARKER'S POOL - AFTERNOON

After a brief pursuit, Steve loses Leon in the throng. Shot from behind, he escapes the throng into a clearing at the taxi rank. He looks about, visibly annoyed before heading off down towards Fargate.

31 - EXT 39 - SURREY STREET / TUDOR SQUARE - AFTERNOON

Steve paces along Surrey Street. There's an insanely large number of phone boxes here, and Steve checks each one for signs of Leon. Rather, he finds that each box contains an extra. Each extra should be (not obviously) dressed in Village-issue clothing (another Prisoner reference) with number badge and appropriate hair-cuts.

Steve moves on into Tudor Square and strides purposefully towards the Crucible.

Note: all these shots should be put together in such a way as to NOT show the Winter Garden or the lack of the Egg Box. No deep reason for this. Just directorial preference.

Steve opens the door to the Crucible with a modest amount of effort, and enters.

32 - INT 51 - CRUCIBLE THEATRE LOBBYNESS - AFTERNOON

We follow from a discrete distance as Steve heads up the stairs to that lovely multicoloured carpet, and off towards the purple door. He goes through some doors towards the Gent's toilet over there.

33 - INT 52 - CRUCIBLE THEATRE TOILETS - AFTERNOON

He enters, checks no-one is in the cubicles (they aren't) and locks the door. He steps up the urinal and puts his cue case on the windowsill. He opens the window. 
He opens the cue case. Inside are gun parts. It is an elaborate gun.

Steve begins to assemble his curious weapon.

34 - EXT 40 - CRUCIBLE FROM THE EAST - AFTERNOON

Shot from the Post Office or somewhere, we have an establishing shot of the Crucible, concentrating on the window where Steve is. We can barely see him until we move to a closer shot.

35 - INT 52 - CRUCIBLE TOILETS - AFTERNOON

Shot, from a distance, of Steve at work.
He adds the last part to his gun and clicks it into life. 

We shoot out the window. Start to the right of the view and slowly pan left: Sheffield Hallam Uni, Park Hill, Pond's Forge, Castle Square, the end of Norfolk Street... 

36 - EXT 40 - CRUCIBLE - AFTERNOON

Shot through window of Steve aiming.

37 - INT 52 - TOILETS - AFTERNOON

We pan back a little to Castle Square. Eagle eyed viewers might notice John Peel walking up the hill with his bags.

Shot of Steve firing his gun.

38 - EXT 41 - CASTLE SQUARE - AFTERNOON

We take a fast, tunnel-vision zoom towards an approaching bus, which explodes slightly and veers right into the tram-tracks at the centre of the square.
The bus explodes dramatically in the line of an on-coming tram (with tram POV shots). 
The earth falls away, the explosion drops into the earth, and the tram trundles into the emerging hole.
In the background of this, John Peel drops his bags. It should not be the centre of our attention.

After a beat, a flaming column of greenish gas fires up into the air about 100 yards, causing all the windows about to explode. The soundtrack explodes into a delicate Philip Glass piece. A tracking crane shot circumnavigates the column, starting high and reducing in height with the diminishing column.

We reverse our crane up one of the radial roads to give a wider angle of the scene as the flaming column dies away into the hole. There is chaos all around the edge of the traffic island. The island itself is no more. Rather there is a perfect circle of nothingness, beneath which is some sort of dark bunker.

We track forwards again and start circling once more. We crane back up as frightened and lightly charred people peer into the hole. One of them is clearly John Peel. 

As we crane up we can see the interior of the hole:

It is a huge circlular chamber. Around the edges are dead light-fittings that are now on fire. At the centre, the flaming wreck of the bus acts as a girderwork base for a glittering vertical stainless-steel tram-frame. The flames have cleaned up the metal and it is now a really pretty sculpture. The remains of the bus glow orange and there is fire at the heart of the sculpture. The floor is a sea of oil that is burning beautifully.

We circle the hole, gaining height. Everything in there is glinting in the daylight. More and more people are congregating around the edge.

We take a tracking shot around the rim, focussing on the sculpture. At its heart, water is now pumping up, dowsing the flames. Then, from the spouting water we see the head of Leon, all wet, eyes shut. The platform he is on rotates in the opposite direction to the camera movement.

Assorted crane shots from different angles as Leon rises up the centre of the sculpture. 

We shoot another tracking shot, this time across the road level so as not to see in the hole. Leon emerges over the horizon. As his face comes into view and his head emerges from the pit fully, Leon opens his eyes to stare straight into the camera.

Cut to a tracking crane that will follow Leon's ascent. Leon is stood on a stainless steel helix base that is rising up from the ground. His arms are crossed over his chest. His eyes are still shut on this camera.

As Leon's whole body emerges from the hole, wind billows his coat, and he opens his arms into a cruciform pose.

We watch from the crowd. Alan and Marty appear at either side of us, awestruck. John Peel is also looking on. As Leon rises further, a darkness begins to envelope the scene. People look up and so do we. A huge flying saucer is manouvering itself overhead. It is a similar specification to the one from ANS 7.

From the edge of the saucer, a white-metal sheath ring begins to descend. Crowds are aghast. There is a helicopterish wind causing them trouble. The ring is coming down at the same rate that Leon is rising. The crowd disperse so as not to be under the ring. 

A hole at the centre of the base of the saucer opens up over Leon, and a brilliant blue-white light shines down.
Shot of John Peel, Alan and Marty shading their eyes.

The ring touches down at the edge of the hole to make a presentable rim (rather than the broken road-surface of before), and then the arms that lowered it begin to retract back into the saucer. A moment after the ring touches down, Leon is consumed by the ship. As the pedastol reaches the ship, there is a white corona flare and then the light is gone. The ship spins on the pedastal as the arms fully retract. The ship raises slightly, and then whizzes off at speed, with a flash of white light.

Now, we see that the sculpture at the centre of the hole rises a good way into the sky as a stainless steel double helix thing.

We have a succession of increasingly distant shots of this new towering sculpture; most notably from Park Hill, and eventually from Manor Top, with the lodge in shot also. Pan to the window where Babysham was at the start of the episode.

39 - INT 40 - MANOR LODGE - CLOSE TO DUSK

Babysham shuts his book again, takes the remote control, points it at the screen (which shows this very footage) and presses pause.
The main footage pauses, but the insert screen continues (the screen on the insert shows Scene 6:8 in reverse).

[INSERT:

Babysham turns around to face us. He speaks in Twin Peaks reverse-film language (no subs).

BABYSHAM
With a 3OO giga-byte hard-drive?
Oh!!! Oh!!! Not without a floppy doopher!

He winks at camera, then lasers it out with his eye. For this we will mix in genuine footage of a camera burning out due to laser exposure, adapted as required.]

The insert screen (which started off as the fireplace) sets on fire (despite the pause effect).
Slowly, the (scan-line ridden, video-paused) filmstock melts in the heat of the fire. 

Subtly mix to:

40 - EXT 33 - MANOR TOP - JUST AFTER DAWN

A very white sky. Tilt to incorperate the edge of a sunrise. A V-formation of geese fly straight down the shot towards the orange tinge and beyond. They usher in a reverse credits roll (red and black text; just the cast for this stream). The sunrise footage is in reverse, and as the credits roll, the sky darkens and the credits lighten. Music: Pulp - "Sheffield: Sex City"

After the credits, cut to a blue card with a white address on it (left justify):
 

Rt. Hon. David Blunkett MP
Department 7
Military Intelligence 
Main Street
Fulford
York

CONTINUITY ANNOUNCER (VO)
If you have been affected in any way 
by the issues raised in this programme
you should immediately send a hand-written
confession describing your experience to:
The Right Honourable David Blunkett MP,
Department Seven, Military Intelligence,
Main Street, Fulford, York.
Shop as usual.

The screen sucks into the black abyss of a switched-off cathode ray (complete with the whistle of cooling valves).
 
 

BABYSHAM MENU