ALEXANDER E128 (ARTIFICIAL PRESERVATIVE) JEFFERSON
 

Alex is theoretically the most normal of the bunch as he is not a demi-god, or a time-lord, or a mass-produced clone, or a robot or anything. However, on further examination, he is far from normal.
 

Alex is a mysterious character, and this is highlighted by the fact that he is on speaking terms with God, and that he has an ongoing disagreement with Death over the ownership of a scythe.
 

 

EPISODE 0
Alex is a moody and reticent Canadian studying Physics/Astrophysics at York University. He cooks and eats leaves with his History student girlfriend, Midge Wainwright, who burns his toes for him. Laden with books, Alex is tempted by an Oreo Cookie and captured by Biology students who turn him into a goose. He is subsequently killed and cooked in the explosion that destroys the corridor.

EPISODE 1
Alex is reanimated in human form by secret government organisation MI7. The reasons for this resurrection are unclear, but the reborn Alex is depressed and disturbing. Following a dimensional collapse, Alex's mind is transferred to Leon's body, and his body is occupied by Stew's mind. This misalignment is rectified by recourse to cheese extraction, and Alex and his colleagues agree to help Rod of Magar in his search for the Crystal of Enderon. Trapped on a prison planet, Alex et al steal the crystal and attempt to buy their freedom.

EPISODE 2
As their plans go awry, the team are beamed to Brookhouse by a drunk starship crew. They take a short-cut home which leads to them being trapped on a railway line in a somewhat sorry state. Fortunately, Alex finds a monkey's paw in his pocket, and they wish their way back home. Alas, they are sucked into their cheap second-hand television, where Alex takes to blackmailing the cast of Sunset Beach. While trying to escape the TV, he is reunited with an old friend, Alana Cox, but she is subsequently killed in an explosion during a re-tune. As our heroes prepare to return home again via a portal, they are attacked, and Alex escapes into static.

EPISODE 3
Alex is lost in the static, but is soon reunited with his friends after he viscously knifes the Narrator. However, his friends are now obligated to a pair of Nordic gods. While helping them out, Alex gets his arm cut off. Fortunately it gets better, but only in time for everyone (Alex included) to get hypnotised by the Evil Fred Harris's Chocobloc. The Good Fred Harris rescues them but is killed by Siddor. Our heroes' lives hang in the balance.

EPISODE 4
Babysham turns up and kills Siddor. He demands a special birthday episode in return, but there is general dissatisfaction with the script. Consequently, Alex writes an alternative teleplay.

EPISODE 5
Our heroes return home only to find that Siddor has taken over their favourite pub.

EPISODE 6
On the way home from the pub, Alex kills Elsie McTavish the Evil. As an encore he also kills Stew on the grounds that Stew is a demon (which indeed he turns out to be). Convinced that Stew was not always a demon, Alex goes back in time to Judea c.25AD. There he discovers that, indeed, Stew was not always a demon. He promptly returns to his own time and gets roped into the preparations for the inevitable showdown with Siddor.

EPISODE 7
Alex is killed in the inevitable showdown with Siddor, and finds himself in Hell where he is reunited with Alana. He starts a relationship with her, and goes increasingly weird.

EPISODE 8
Alex and Alana agree to help put a stop to the nefarious plans of the geese. But they fail and get blown up. Their body parts are spread across the universe in eternal pain.

EPISODE 9
With the help of a time anomaly, Alex (leaving behind Alana) is able to accompany Jim (Tom Baker) on a series of (unseen) Tardis-related adventures (why he leaves behind Alana is unknown). He eventually ends up with a copy of the Chronicle of Enderon which he tries to sell to Stew and Leon in their book-shop in Heaven. The book drags the three of them through space and ultimately back to the Barbican, where Alex teams back up with Alana, just in time to escape from the exploding Earth. For reasons unknown, Alana is subsequently erased from history, and for the human race to continue, more females are needed. So our heroes set out for the Planet F34, only for Alex to get shot in the stomach by a psychotic Sarah Michelle Gellar / Lucifer.

BABYSHAM 6
Seemingly recovered from his wounds, Alex is employed by God as a bodyguard / driver. He has an assistant in this task, of which little is known. During a state visit to Hell, Alex receives a second bullet to the stomach, and God is seemingly killed.