A long time ago in a Driffield
council estate ...
CAPITAL - Croissant

Croissant is the home of the Greyskullian Institute. The building bares an uncanny resemblance to York University's Central Hall, and it has been postulated (by some more extreme theorists) that Croissant later became York. The Greyskullian Institute (or POG Institute) is the home of the Greyskull Knights (see below).
The Driffield Council buildings are probably located in Croissant too. These are the seat of the Galactic Republic's power, and house the senate.


Birmingham - Might not be a part of the Republic, but it is home to the Zen Flamenco Dancers (see below). After its destruction by Omra, it was rebuilt by the Galactic Empire. It was subsequently sealed off from the rest of the world and there was a proposal that it should be used as a prison. This was rejected by the International Court for Human Rights. (cf. Leeds which was sealed off by the Jupiter Convention).

Certain Death - A small settlement near Doncaster. Contains a cinema, a tavern and a castle. The castle is home to Darth Unpleasant, and is built above a cave complex. Certain Death, might not actually be a member of the Republic. Many have speculated that Certain Death is actually Conisbrough (see below).

Conisbrough - Possibly the original seat of power. In the Postmen of the Apocalypse film, we see Yoga, the Zen Flamencoists, AVWoman, Conman, and the Postmen here; that's all the major players of the pre-Republic era.  Conisbrough is famous for its castle, which featured in Ridley Scott's "Bladerunner". While it played a role in the formation of the Republic, there is a possibility that it is not a part of it. Some theorists speculate that Conisbrough eventually became Certain Death. They present the castle and the proximity to Doncaster in their defence, though that could just as easily make it Tickhill.

Doncaster - Next door to Conisbrough. By the time of the Republic, this was home to ConMan and AVWoman. It might not be part of the Galactic Republic, but is certainly quite close.


Much of our knowledge is gained from Episode 5, and much of that is a rather dodgy gloss account given by Stew. Stew's account can be seen to be dodgy on at least two counts, principally the status of AVWoman and Conman prior to Palantine, and the identifying of Palantine with the seemingly well squished Darth Unpleasant. However, this is what can be assumed to be true from what is seen and what has been gathered from other sources:

In the beginning there were two super-heroes: AVWoman represented capitalism and Conman represented communism. The two were locked in a seemingly eternal struggle, each believing that they were a power for good against a power for evil. For most, this was a sufficient dichotomy. Outside this struggle, what law and order there was to be maintained was maintained by the non-partisan Four Postmen of the Apocalypse, who each bore the honorary title "Darth" (meaning "one who is affected by herpes"). Because of their affliction, they were universally feared by an unenlightened population.

It came to pass that eventually the two super-heroes settled their differences and pledged to tackle evil together. This was largely a time and money saving exercise on the part of the super-heroes who could now work shifts. The union proved more productive than the old order as rather than fighting between themselves at the expense of "evil", they were now both fighting the said "evil". The only real dissenting voice belonged to Yoga, a flamenco dancer and part time philosopher. He suggested that if all evil was destroyed, there would be no balance in the universe, and that this was a bad thing. This won over a number of followers (mainly flamenco dancers), and a revolution was planned. An attempt to cripple the social order by destroying the postal service nearly succeeded when AVWoman was temporarily incapacitated, only for the coup to be put down by the Postmen of the Apocalypse.
However, with Conman and AVWoman now working together against "evil", the Postmen became increasingly concerned about their own role in the new society. Yoga preyed on their fears whilst at the same time consorting with the superheroes. After an ill-fated protest action by the Postmen, the super-heroes were encouraged by Yoga into targeting them as enemies. The Postmen were disbanded, leaving the way clear for Yoga and his Zen Flamenco collective to repeat their original coup, this time unhindered.

Yoga established the Greyskullian Institute, to study the mystical techniques that the Postmen had used to maintain order. He also established a puppet senate, presided over by Hay-Bails Organs. This Yoga-controlled set-up was The Galactic Republic.
It wasn't long before the other Zen Flamenco Dancers began to question the new set-up. An attempt to overthrow Yoga was apparently in the making, and persuaded Yoga to create a separate "mystic militia": The Greyskull Knights (initially presided over by former Postmen, Darth Unpleasant and Darth Castrate). This halted the ZFD's plans, and to make absolutely certain that there would be no challenge to his power, Yoga moved all the Flamencoists to Birmingham where they were given the job of guarding the Crystal of Enderon (see separate entry). Yoga knew that the ZFD considered the Crystal a sacred and untouchable relic, and that they would be driven by faith and honour to stay at their posts for all eternity.

But Yoga had merely replaced a second set of magic policemen for a third. He set about restructuring the organisation, and screening out anyone who might not blindly follow him. Many of the less desirable Knights were lost on questionable missions, and in the end, the two Darths were forced to leave the Institute following ill-founded scandals.
Their public lives in ruins, the Darths set about creating a secret underground faction to overthrow the Republic. They converted pretty much the rest of the disillusioned old Greyskull Knights, much to the delight of Yoga. When the new faction revealed itself, Yoga was ready with his new order of POG-adepts. The fighting was bloody, and in the end there was only Darth Unpleasant left from the Rebels, and only Yoga, Omra, Ki-Adi-Mundi and Jack Barrett left in the Greyskull Institute.

Unpleasant set about a new plan: to clone the Zen Flamencoists, so that there would be sufficient number both to stay and guard the crystal and to man a rebellion against Yoga. At the same time, he was able to persuade Jack Barrett to join his cause.
But again, Yoga got wind of the plan, and was able to send Omra to Birmingham to keep an eye on the ZFD. Yoga may also have employed the bounty-hunter BabySham to wipe out the ZFDs altogether. Subsequently the entire city of Birmingham was destroyed.
Perhaps Yoga employed the assassin Leon too. Leon was sent to kill Darth Unpleasant, and succeeded (albeit through rather unorthodox means).

The Rebellion seemed crushed, but a machiavellian senator by the name of Palantine managed to secure the chancellorship of the senate while Yoga was distracted with the above affairs. Palantine used all his political genius to spin the destruction of Birmingham into a "bad event", placing Omra and the Greyskullian Institute on very dodgy ground. Yoga was forced to order Omra's clone to kill Omra. Palantine was then able to pass a bill banning the use of clones, using the Omra v Omra incident as evidence that clones were self-destructive and unstable. This rendered the Greyskullian Institute very short of personnel, and effectively left them incapable of protecting law and order. Next, Palantine surreptitiously funded the rebuilding of Birmingham, then publicly suggested that this was an act of war by a still very much alive Rebellion. Yoga was totally disgraced, and the Greyskullian institute was disbanded and forced underground. Palantine hired an independent parcel delivery company called EDS to enforce the law, and was then declared Emperor.

After over a decade of power, Palantine was eventually voted out of power, to be replaced by former chancellor Hay-Bails Organs. But by this time, Driffield's Galactic Empire had been significantly reduced (as a consequence of a long-standing policy of granting independence to seceding colonies) and its weight of influence in our story was rendered negligible.


A2D2 - POG-adept pedal-bin. Lived with Omra until Omra died in a bike-pump accident. A2D2 died soon after whilst trying to do a runner with Jim Barrett and J3PO.

A/V Woman - Capitalist super-hero who formed one half of a dichotomy with/against Conman. They later allied together only to be overthrown. The suggestion seems to be that A/V Woman was the daughter of Commissioner Gordon, regional governor of Doncaster. She certainly lived in Doncaster after Yoga's revolution. She later married (or at least cohabited with) Conman and ran a pub with him in York called the Red Lion. They later left the Red Lion, initially for a new pub in Wales, but soon after to a retirement villa in Spain. Persuaded to help destroy Siddor, they both died in the attempt. A/V Woman's name may or may not be Judi.

Barrett, Jack - See separate Siddor entry.

Biggs, Jam-Jar - Over-animated acquaintance of Jack & Omra, Jam-Jar was present during the fighting that saw an end to Darth Castrate and Nick Brunswick. Keen on reggae and celtic bag-pipe music, Jam-Jar is seen to brandish a light hat-stand, a new kind of weapon-cum-furnishing made of aluminium. Jam-Jar was also present at the death of Darth Unpleasant, but later died himself, at the mouth of a minotaur.

Brunswick, Nick - Jim Barrett's next door neighbour's brother's dog's sister's owner's son was also his father's mentor. And Omra's too. A great POG-adept, he died during a battle with Darth Castrate.

Darth Castrate - Former Postman of the Apocalypse and Greyskull Knight. Driven out by the schemes of Yoga, he co-founded a revolutionary counter-movement with Darth Unpleasant. Yoga hunted him down, and Castrate subsequently died in a fight with Omra and Nick Brunswick. Castrate was probably his first name or a nickname.

Conman - Communist super-hero who formed one half of a dichotomy with/against A/V Woman. They later allied together only to be overthrown. Conman subsequently resided in a video-editing suite in Doncaster before marrying (or at least cohabiting with) A/V Woman, and running a pub with her in York called the Red Lion. They later left the Red Lion, initially for a new pub in Wales, but soon after to a retirement villa in Spain. Persuaded to help destroy Siddor, they both died in the attempt.

Di Tetsoowt, Carol-Zeeg - Wife of Omra. Little more is known about her except that she brought up Queen Paté.

Di Tetsoowt, Dagar Omra - Known to most as (the Mighty) Omra. A good, obedient POG Knight, who served Yoga well against Darth Castrate and his rebellion. As a consequence of dwindling numbers in the POG institute, he was cloned to do two jobs at once. The master copy was sent to Birmingham to keep an eye on the ZFD, but was driven insane by either Birmingham or the Crystal of Enderon and ended up destroying the city. The clone had the job of herding a plague of sheep, and helped kill Darth Unpleasant. He was subsequently ordered to kill the original Omra, and did so. This event caused a media backlash, and he was forced into hiding. It was while hidden out in the desert that he trained Jim Barrett. Omra later died during a bike-pump training exercise.

EDS - Economics' Delivery Service (or Enforcers of the Driffield Statute). A delivery company owned by Economics and (at one point at least) managed by Tomy Hodgkinson. They were employed by Emperor Palantine to maintain law and order. Economics also served time as a porter at York University, where Tomy had been a student.

Gi-Gi - Wife of the Poker. She had an affair with Shotgun which she ended by shooting him.

Commissioner Gordon - Regional Governor of Doncaster, and perhaps the father of A/V Woman. Gordon lost his body in a fishing accident, but his head is kept alive through pioneering medical science.

Organs, Hay-Bails - One-time puppet Chancellor, and subsequent Emperor of Driffield. Not much is known about him, other than that he had a daughter called Rae and that he came from Aldershot.

Darth Leon - See separate entry for Leon.

Organs, Princess Rae - Daughter of Emperor Hay-Bails Organs, and close friend of Queen Paté. She possessed the Crystal of Enderon for a while, which led to her being captured and tortured by Siddor. She was later killed by Babysham.

Orgasmatron, Jesus Threepenny - Binary Load Lifter Programming Consultant Droid. Lived with Omra. Married to a Hitachi Colour Television called Paula. Was present at the dispatching of Darth Castrate. Was also present at the death of Omra, and subsequently fled with Jim Barrett only to wind up in prison. Later escaped and ended up in a game of Fifteen to One, which he won. On returning to Driffield with his prize, he was captured by MI7 and tortured. His current health and whereabouts are unclear.

Palantine, Emperor - Politician who took advantage of the disarray at the Greyskull Institute to secure power for himself and take the position of Emperor. He hired an independent parcel delivery company called EDS to enforce the law, and was therefore able to do away with Yoga and his organisation.

Queen Paté - Not clear where she was Queen of, or what her second name might've been. She went out with Jack Barrett (Siddor), and was the mother of his children (Jim and Anna Barrett). She lived with Omra and Carol, and found the Crystal of Enderon in a drain in their back garden. She and her friend, Princess Rae, then buried it. She was later killed by Siddor because she refused to tell him where the crystal was.

Poker, The - Pseudonym of a master criminal and calculator thief who habitually left a poker instruction card at the scene of his crimes by way of an enigmatic gimmick. Married to the mysterious GiGi.

Shotgun - Scruffy, Doncaster-based private detective, employed by Commissioner Gordon to track down the Poker. Ended up having an affair with the Poker's wife, Gi-Gi, until she shot him. Shotgun consequently died, but not before he had told his story to a young urchin by the name of Stan.

Darth Unpleasant - Former Postman of the Apocalypse and Greyskull Knight. Driven out by the schemes of Yoga, he co-founded a revolutionary counter-movement with Darth Castrate. He was later killed by his former colleague (turned assassin) Leon. Unpleasant was probably his first name or a nickname.

Darth Walsh - Former Postman of the Apocalypse who later worked for the EDS. Owned a cat called Hedgehog, and was fond of scatting.

Yoga - Anastrophising troll. He founded the ZFD, and overthrew A/V Woman and Conman to establish the Greyskull Institute. Obsessed with power, he purged its membership a number of times to put down rebellion. He was finally undone by the political machinations of Emperor Palantine, and wound up living in a troll-hole under a shed in York.

Zen Flamenco Dancers - Organisation of POG-adepts founded by Yoga. His paranoia led to him posting the collective far away in Birmingham, where they were to stand guard over the Crystal of Enderon. ZFDs attach a massive religio-cultural significance to this crystal which has never been satisfactorily explained. They were later wiped out by Babysham.