All Sit Up
I sing myself to sleep
With songs from far off places
People I have seen
Appear in my brain
Swing from tree to tree
With hopes of sweet and sour pork,
Thank god it's this,
I hope and pray.
Stunned by the sudden dark
My life is out of control
If I don't see some long haired girl
I'll kill myself, and then
You'll all sit up
All sit up
All sit up
Sit up and notice me.
Sit up up up up u-ah-up
With your sympathy.
All sit up
All sit up
All sit up
Spilling all your tea.
Sit up up up up up u-ah-up
And notice me.
Those who feel the breath of sadness
Come here next to me.
Those who find their touched by madness,
I'll help you break free.
Those who find themselves attractive
Usually look like me
What's love but hate
What's hate but love
What's fish without chips
What's veins without blood
What's hope, what's fear
What's life without beer?
What's going on in here?
All sit up etc...

You Spin Me Right Round Baby Right Round
Like A Record Baby Right Round Round Round
I, I want to know your game.
I don't want to see your dane.
Leave your dog at home next time
Then I think you might be mine
We'll play records till we drop
Right now, here's 12"
Of flexi-plastic disc
Put it on now
And let us hear it playing baby.
Let it go at 45,
Give me will to stay alive
You know how to put it on
Right now, here I come.
You spin me right round baby right round
Like a record player right round round round

Return to Zenda
From the night she cried.
"Ouch" I said.
I nearly died.
Upon her carpet I sat
And followed her to places
That I'd rather have forgotten.
But that's love for you.
That's love for you.
There's nothing I could do.
That's love for you.
I don't know why I do it.
I think it's simply
That I find her more beautiful
Than an April morning.
I don't know why
But I follow her to places
    |Dm7 etc...
I'd rather have forgotten.
But that's love for you etc.

Bramalian Rhapsody
Mother just killed a guy;
She put a gun against his head,
Pulled the trigger - now he's dead.
Mother, life had just got right,
And now you've gone an' blown him all away.
Mother! You could see that he would die;
If I were you I'd carry on as normal -
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing ever happened.

Too late; they're onto you -
So your photofit last night
Sellotaped to a street-light.
Goodbye, little mummy, I've got to go:
Got to leave you far behind and face the truth.
Mother... ooh... Put the saucepan down -
I think you're only going to make things worse.

I see a blurry sillhoette of a figure...
Scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do a fandango?
Lightning-bolts and thunder, rendering asunder me.
Galileo... Figaro, Magnifico, Cornetto... netto...
Mussolini, Lambourghini, Toscanini, Helen Reeney,
Semprini, Teeny Weeny, Genie, Meany, Queenie, Knee,
Felini's 8½!
I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me.
He's just a poor boy from a poor family.
Spare me my life from my Trinitron TV.
Easy come, easy go. Will you let me go?
Miss Miller! No! We will not let you go!
Let me go! No.
Mamma mia mamma mia mamma mia here I go again.
Beelzebub has a devil for a sideboard.

So you think you can shaft me and shit in my eye,
So you think you can have me then leave me to die?
Oh, mother... You can't do this to me, mother...
Just got to get out. Just got to get right out of here.

Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide;
No escape from reality.
Open your eyes,
Look up to the skies and see.
I'm just a poor kid,
I need my dignity;
Trapped in a whirlpool
With no place for divinity.
Open your eyes,
Look up to the skies etc.

Ashes to Ashes
|C                 F
Do you remember a time
|C        F
Not so long ago?
|C                       F
We were in the garden.
|C                         F
It was a beautiful morning.
|G             F                        |C
You were making a daisy chain,
             Em             |B
While I grinded my axe.
                         |E                     A
The blood ran beautifully that day.
|B            E
It ran like wine
|C#m    B
Into the river flow.
|C#m            E
I always find murder
B                  |F#m
Gives me a glow
But then it started to rain
|C#m                            E
And the worms came up
             |B                         C#m     B
And the beauty of the event was lost.
|D                      F#m
They read your rites
       |A                                       C#m
As I watched from behind the tree.
Ashes to ashes, they said.
|D                                                               |A
The tree cast its roots straight into your casket.
It got the last laugh.
It's eating the dead.
How beautifully you bled
On that warm summer's morn.
Bm                                           |F#m
Glistening and red were your lips.
                     E                  D
But then the rain came along
       |E                     B
And washed you away.
     |E                              A
It's funny how it always works that way.
             |B                                          E
And the tree digs in and tears you apart.
|C#m                     B
And it mixes your blood with the rain.
|A            |...etc.
They read your rites etc.

Cistern Addict
Well I woke up this morning,
The sun beating down on my neck.
I said I woke up this morning,
The sun beating down on my neck,
Right here on my neck, babe,
And my baby's gone and left me.
Oh lord.
And the sun's still beating...
Beating down on my neck, yeah.

My baby's gone and left me,
Yeah, she's gone for good,
She's gone for good.
Yeah hy baby's gone and left me,
Just like she said she would.
She said... you know what she said?
She said: "I gotta go to the bathroom."
Yeah, now... now she's... she's gone for good.
You know what I mean?

Because she sat on the toilet.
You know that's what my baby did.
A-hah, yeah.
Yeah, my baby sat on the toilet,
And you know just what she did,
Yeah, you know what she did.
And now she's gone away forever.
Hell, I don't know where she's hid.

I know it was a dodgy cistern,
Yeah, I know it was too strong,
Yeah, it was too strong.
I guess it could've sucked her in
Cos, woh, that babe was strong,
Whey, yeah, no floater was safe,
Know what I mean?
So I phone the water board up
And I told them what was wrong,
And they told me what to do.

They said:
"We'll have a look,
"We'll have a scrounge,
"We'll have a mooch,
"We'll poke around,
"Yeah, we'll look through all our sewers,
"Yeah, we'll look all under ground.
"Yeah, we'll scrape through all that sewage,
"Shift it out, and we'll see what we can be found.
"Not a turd will go unturned in our search"

Oh, my baby's gone and left me,
Yeah, my baby's gone for good,
She's gone for good.
Oh, she could be in the sewer,
Floating round in all of that crud,
Woh, yes she could.
And she ain't never coming back,
Cos she's gone for good.
They flushed her away,
And she's gone for good.
Oh yeah etc.

The Other Side
                              |F#m       D
A thousand scary voices
|A                                          |F#m
Telling me to get up off my arse
And kill.
E  |A
Or maybe...
                       |F#m   D
Maybe I'll just stay in.
|A                 |F#m    D
After all, it's raining.
|E          D                             A           A
But as I watch the spinning record,
|E            D                            A          A
A look of fear comes in my eyes.
|E            D                       A         A
I see the needle moving ever closer
To the middle...
The record
                           |F#m   D
I'll have to turn it over.
Flip it,
Place it on the revolver.
            D          E           |A
I could think of guns forever,
|E         D                         A          A   x2
But the needle's left the groove
|E               D                      A                 A
I'll take the record off and clean the B-Side
And I'll see then,
    D                                     |F#m
I'll see what's on the other side.
I will see you,
D                                 |A   etc...
See you on the other side...

              |                                         |           |GM7 |
They're scratching at the windowpane again.
 |Bm                        |
I hate it when they do that.
         |                         |GM7               |
Don't tell me it's just cats or rats or bats.
            |Bm          |
I know otherwise.
             |               |
They're after me.
               |GM7        |                         |Bm               |
This has nothing to do with psychotropic drugs.
 |                             |GM7     |
I hate it when they say that.
             |Bm         |
They're after me.
 |                          |
I don't know why.
 |                                  |
I don't know what I've done.
              |                      |
Get that gun out your mouth
There's nobody there
    |                        |D
It's just a state of mind
|        |A             |
Your dreaming
           |Bm   |
Is clearly paranoid
 |                         |D    |
I think that you'll find
                         |F#m |
You're going insane
         |Bm   |A             |G
Take three bottles a day
             |Gm   |Bm |
And it'll all be fine.
                                 |F#m|      |G         |                    |Gm
And you slowly descend into drug induced psychosis
|                          |Bm          |
This is not your madness,
     |D       |
It's theirs.
             |Em                              |
And the voices shout from beyond the cell
             |A                      |
They're trying to break in.
             |Bm         |     |G |Gm A
They're after me.
             |Bm        ...etc...
They're after me.
I don't know why etc.

Knees and Other Leg Parts
Bip bip bip bip
Please do not amputate
I'd like to keep my leg.
I've grown attatched to it.
Leave it there, I beg.
Argh! What's that?!
What's that?!
I am a surgeon, Dr. X,
And here's my saw,
And your exclamaitions
Are of no consequence at all.
What's that?
What's that?
He's out nurse.
Condition good,
My hacksaw, Nurse Lovely.
Kicking, screaming...
Not an option under anasthetic...
You won't remember
The part I'll dismember
The gas here slightly addles your brain
Make an incision, saw with precision...
Bits of bone get stuck in the drain.
Clear out the plughole...
Pain now, pain now
Pain now, pain now
You're a great shite,
You're a great shite.
Pissed on, pissed on
Pissed on, pissed on
From a great height,
From a great height.
That's it now, I'm leaving
I'll hop out, still bleeding...
The pain and the screaming
I'll never have to
Tie my right shoelace again.
Pissed on... etc...

The Calculator Song
|E                                          D
Down at W.H. Smiths at a quarter past eight
There's a certain little lady I know.
          |E                                                         D
She's there behind the counter and she's looking really great
You know I never ever want her to go.
She blows my mind, she's oh so sweet,
           |C#m          B              A
Her priorities are fixed and straight.
      |                                     B                               |E        |
I'm gonna have to get her soon cos I just can't wait.

I'm ogling her beauty from behind a stack of tapes,
She's the greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm plucking up the courage to ask her on a date,
She's the figure of my every dream.
She's special, see, and she weaves her spell,
She's it if you know what I mean.
        |A                                             B
She don't half get me going and I feel so well,
              |E                  D
She's a smooth, red love calculator,
|E                   D                      ....
Smooth, red love calculator,
Smooth, red love calculator.
                 |E                                      D
She's got fractions capabilities to blow your mind
And twenty single different modes.
                       |E                              B/D#
She's a mathematical, numerical prodigy,
And as for functions she's got loads.
She's D.M.S. and standard form,
Twelve digit mantissa and trig.
She can factorise and rationalise.
She's a smooth re love calculator
With an inverse button that makes me sweat
And a Greek and Roman alphabet,
Reciprocal button and perenthesees,
She can equate pi to twelve d.p. with ease.
Cube root, square root, log and tan,
Standard deviation, cos and ran,
Calculus and differentiation,
Deg, rad, gra and linear equation.
Smooth red sexy love calculator... etc.