[[SHORT INTRODUCTORY CZECH ANIMATION BEFORE OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION:

From black we see scratchy white and grey buildings emerging. A mouse (trying desperately to avoid obvious potential stylistic similarities with Maus), scurries about this emerging cityscape.
We see stylised versions of Sheffield landmarks about the place, but everything should seem spiky and oppressive and the animation style is dark, hairy and jerky.
The university arts tower erupts from the centre of this emerging city; its height exaggerated. The mouse is on top of it, and falls off, with blood spurting about the place as the art tower continues to rise.
As we pan around it we see a giant Babysham-like figure crawling up the building. Mice in bi-planes fire at him and he swats at them. He is climbing to the top when one of the swatted planes smashes into the side of the arts tower and the whole thing explodes.
There is debris and blood everywhere, and from the rubble rises a blooded but more powerful Babysham, who shakes off bits of mouse. His red laser eye twinkles in the moonlight. Thousands of mice are marching in Nazi masses about his feet; all very Nuremberg. Babysham mounts a series of steps up to the City Hall. The Hall is draped in red banners with pentogramatic mice inscribed in white circles half way down. He enters the building and we crane up. The glass dome in the centre of the roof shatters as a beam of brilliant white light shines up into the dark sky.
Tickertape falls, and a host of mice bear signs that say "VOTE BLUNKETT" and "DUCHOVNY FOR PRESIDENT" and "HYLDA BAKER!" and other weird things. A mouse in a tank rolls along a street, knocking other mice and buildings down. A gunmouse comes past the camera turns towards us and growls. An MGM style border slaps over him.

Black screen. Mock computer screen in similar style gives us a World in Action naked Babysham and a load of technical specs written in Czech.
John Hurt provides a voice over:

Through the above, the animation provides appropriate visuals as asides to the technical data. At the final line, the screen turns into a black screen of death before exploding into a bright white shower of glass and whiteness. Mix:]]

1. - INT 1 - POLICE INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT

White (from lighting).
Zoom slowly to reveal:
Over-head shot of Babysham sat at a desk. A light hangs in shot and bathes all around it in a fluorescent glow - It's one of those bar neon tubes dangling on chains see...
Babysham is wearing some sort of futuristic brown-bandaging kind of full shirt thing, over which is some leather strapwork - some sort of hi-tech gun-holstering. Around his eyes he is wearing heavy white bandaging, but the quality of light should make this equally likely to be an elaborate blindfold. We zoom down onto him ever so gently, passing the light.
As we do this we superimpose credit captions...

[CAPS]

...and we get the following conversation between Babysham and an unseen detective called Marty (I say unseen - we'll slowly reveal him with the zoom).

By now we've tilted to get a better view of the room and the detective. It's night. There's much shadow in here.
We can't see as far as the walls cos the lighting is really crap. We can make out a window in one wall behind the detective. Through it we can see that we are high over the environs of Snig Hill, Sheffield.
The detective is pacing and smoking.  He holds a gun wrapped in an evidence bag. It's a big hi-tech weapon.
Black. Maybe a few pointless LEDs on it for effect. Nothing too naff.

He slams it on the table and sits down opposite Babysham.

Shot of Alan sat in a dark corner of the room.

We then fast-forward through the action of the last four episodes. Finishing back at this point.

Babysham lifts his eye-bandaging and peers around. His eyes are bloodshot and bruised.

Alan assists Babysham from the room. We watch as they cross the offices and away, probably with Babysham waving to Helen or someone, despite the blindfold. Marty stays in his office. Spillaine enters. Marty is peering at the walls.

As they talk, we follow Marty's POV. We notice that the whiteboard in the office is made by a company called Mayburn; that there's an advert for the Antiques Roadshow's visit to Magna; that there's an open newspaper with a photo of Sven Goren Eriksson, a photo of Jade from Big Brother, and a headline about Princess Eugenie; that there is a child's toy made by Tomy; that Marty's mug is advertising YTV and Emmerdale Farm; that on the pin-board there is a poster of Leticia Dean dressed in a police uniform, with a gap drawn onto the front of her teeth, a poster for the ski village, a "save the Adelphi Theatre" poster and an aging forgery-warning poster with a Faraday £20 note; that there is a cricket box and a toy Chief Wiggum on the filing cabinet; that there is a book on the Great Sheffield Flood on the desk; that there is a map of the city on the back wall; that there is a copy of the script in the bin.

Marty rushes across the offices and through a door at the far side. Helen walks up to the door.

2 - INT 5 - BABYSHAM'S FLAT - TUESDAY, DAWN (c.6:15am)

Shot through the window:
Alan is bathed in the glow of the 5am News on ATV.

Over all this, we crane out into:

3 - EXT 4 - BABYSHAM'S LEDGE - CONT.

...to see Babysham meditating on the concrete ledge, watching the new dawn. The television fades away under the incidental music. We should shoot Babysham to look as much like Buddha as possible, with the sun as a halo. The music utilises an auto-harp, and as we crane around we notice that it is being played by Babysham. In the background, and increasingly prominent, a mobile phone mast (or similar) glints in the sun.

We follow the mast down to find that it is on the roof of the police station, and then we make an arty dive through the fabric of the police station to find ourselves in:

4 - INT 29 - GOTHIC CRYPT DOUBLING AS POLICE CELLS - CONT.

Same set as Babysham's crypt but with the bed and toilet of a police cell rather than any tombs or suchlike. We see a spider crawling up the wall above the bed.
Suddenly a hand grabs it and we follow it to the mouth of Tomy. Tomy munches on the spider. He is maniacal. He leaps about like a monkey and clambers to the high transom windows to try and catch a view of our autoharpist.

Tomy cackles and howls. He scoops up another invertebrate from the barred windowsill and eats it.

[Fade to black. Babysham Caption Card. An animated Babysham comes in and writes End of Part One in chalk. ATV quick ident.

Simulated ad break:

GRADE PLUG-INS:

5 - INT - PLUSH BBC OFFICE, BROADCASTING HOUSE - EVENING

Dark. Michael Grade smokes a cigar in a plush Art Deco room. His feet are up on the desk. He blows rings.
Opposite him sits a giant pink bunny with a basket. They are in negotiations but all we get is twee music.

The bunny pulls two cheap plastic eggs from its basket. They have some brightly coloured fluid in them (one yellow, one green). As they're revealed, a haze of colour floods the room. Grade's suit goes bright red. His cigar goes pink. He puts it out in an ashtray and breathes in the scent of the eggs.

ATV quick ident.

BOTTS THE CHEMISTS:

6 - INT - DOCTOR'S SURGERY - EVENING

Jonathan Miller wears the body of a pink bunny suit (complete with oversized collar), and a stethoscope. Enter Alan Bennett.

Bennett drops his trousers and underpants to reveal two Easter Eggs hanging from beneath his shirt tails.
Miller gently feels them.

Miller yanks the eggs and they come away in his hands.

Miller hands Bennett the eggs. Bennett looks very pleased with himself.

As he did all that, he brought out all manner of Easter crap from behind the desk, and passed them to Bennett. He is now laden and unable to pull up his trousers. We track around as he tries to bend down and pull his trousers up (dropping some items in the process). On his revealed arse is the squiggly blue text of the Botts logo.

ATV quick ident.

DAILY MAIL:

7 - EXT - PLAYGROUND - DAY

Poor people's children play. Twee music. Rob Brydon gives us his voice-over accent:

A sinister man (Mark Heap, obviously) appears and grimaces. Shot from a low angle. Colour is subdued. Music sinister. Shot of empty roundabout in slow motion. Crying.

8 - INT - MIDDLE CLASS LIVING ROOM - DAY

Elgarish music. A cheery living room full of Easter tat. A table at which two siblings of differing gender sit around a set of encyclopaedias. They are looking at the LAT-LUD volume of a children's encyclopaedia.

Small flashing caption: ENCYCLOPAEDIA HAVE NO CONNECTION WITH PAEDOPHILES.

Over this we see the children reading about how asylum seekers are evil, and about the best ways to kick them. There's a page on Enoch Powell with a diagram of what a river of blood might actually look like. A cartoon Tebbit explains how to correctly mount a bicycle.
When we see the girl again, she has straight blonde hair in an alice band, wears a pussy-bow blouse and a long skirt. The boy has brylcreemed hair and a suit with a dotty blue hanky in the pocket. Their mother clearly loves them dearly, and shows it with hugs. She hands them Easter eggs. They are very very happy.

ATV quick ident. Babysham Caption Card. Animated Babysham rubs off "End of Part One" and writes "Part Two". This is on a blackboard on the wall of the next scene. Pan to:]

9 - INT 32 - LETITIA'S FLAT - TUESDAY MORNING

Shot of door, with some pre-lapped buzzing. More buzzing. Moderately impatient. The curly dark hair that is the back of Letitia's head comes into view, with a purple satin dressing-gown beneath. Clearly she has been sleeping, and she has a sleep-mask over her forehead, though we do not see her face in this shot.
The door is opened to reveal Babysham, stood stooped with his eye at the spy-hole.

We reverse angle to reveal that it is not actually Letitia who has answered the door. Rather it is ERIC CATCHPOLE (Chris Jury), the character from Lovejoy. He has whiskers and a button-nose drawn on in black face-paint.

We can hear some strumming from within.

Babysham flashes some sort of ID.

TINKER DILL (Dudley Sutton) is sat in a zinc bathtub in the corner of the room. He wears a tweed suit and a pince-nez and is covered in foam "soap-suds". He is strumming a guitar and singing "Bad Moon Rising".

Babysham points at the window.

Babysham pokes his head outside, which we can accompany with an exterior shot.

He returns inside.

The kitchen area.
Eric removes a vial from the fridge. It is full of blood. He puts his thumb over the top and shakes the contents. He then proffers his thumb for Babysham.
Babysham has produced a fairly random looking sheet of paper with signatures and printed names on it.

Eric prints his thumb onto the page.

Eric shuts the door on Babysham. We hear a shop bell ting as he does so (a prelap from the next scene). The following line partially post-laps.

10 - INT 36 - BOOKSHOP - DAY

We are in the bookshop from ANS 9 as a door swings back into a closed position and tings the bell above it. We track back past shelves of books. We track into the back, past the counter where STEW (Ewan McGregor) is leant, drinking a warm mug of chicken cupasoup. He wears a baggy jumper and jeans. His hair is the usual hairy mop and beard, though slightly grey at the fringes. He is talking past the camera throughout.

LEON (Jean Reno) is sat on a pile of books at the opposite side of the room.

At which point the phone rings. It rings once. A trimphone with a proper bell in it. Stew picks it up.

He puts down the phone.

They leave through the tingy door. Wipe downwards to:

11 - EXT 29 - SHALESMOOR - LATE THURSDAY AFTERNOON

A tram whizzes across shot from Hillsborough. Fancy in-road camerawork. The driver should be female. As the tram whooshes by, a severed head bounces across the street and away from camera to the right, in the direction of Infirmary Road et al. It should leave a spurted trail of blood, but we pay the head no heed. We instead continue to follow the tram as it comes screeching to a halt at the Shalesmoor stop. Out step Stew and Leon like a pair of aliens bent on cool and calculated destruction. Leon has the day's Guardian (7th October). Stew has an A5 hard-bound "Black and Red" notebook full of papers. We follow them as they attempt to negotiate the traffic islands here. Cue Leon getting marooned as the lights change. We use a crane for a lot of this, before focussing on them in the wilderness of the traffic island (which is moderately arboreal).

Stew is the first into a fixed and isolated shot of traffic island in which we have placed a bare lime tree in a concrete-walled bed. The pelican crossing light is also visible in the top corner of the shot (the man is red). Stew looks tired, as if this journey has gone on for hours. He sits on the wall under the tree and begins unfastening his German para boots.

Stew tries to pull off his boot but can't get it off. He gives up. He has another go at the boot. Again he fails.

Leon enters shot, similarly tired.

Cars pass by as Leon presses the button on the crossing.

Stew does up his boot again.

The man on the crossing light changes to green.

They don't move as we mix to:

12 - EXT 30 - KELHAM ISLAND TAVERN - LATE AFTERNOON

More arc-y crane-work as Stew and Leon negotiate the Green Lane corner. A prostitute stands on the corner. She waves to Stew who waves back. All very sunny and happy like a chat show title sequence.

13 - INT 37 - KELHAM ISLAND TAVERN - CONT.

Next we fit a funny lens: not fish-eye, but slightly warped that way. We do a Vertigo-zoom straight up the entrance corridor of the Kelham Island Tavern pub as Stew and Leon walk through. It should be slightly creepy and should emphasise the narrowness and length of this passageway. The camera tracks into the pub behind them, with a skilful twist of the aperture as we enter the bar. A large round jolly man welcomes them to the pumps but the dialogue isn't audible under the atmospheric soundtrackery. There is a considerable pause while Stew looks at the pumps, intercut with shots of the expectant barman's face. Then Stew says something to Leon and Leon orders while Stew moves across to the corner, where, beneath a Bosch print, are Babysham, Alan and Jade.

Babysham has his usual, Alan has something Pictish, and Jade has a stout.
Stew sits opposite them at the long table, looking all Last Supper-y.

As Leon arrives with the beer, Stew opens his book, pulls out a biro and starts making a note of what beer it is. Cue much craning around to see the taps and the blackboard.

Stew drinks from his pint.

Stew tastes Leon's pint.

14 - INT 32 - LETITIA'S FLAT - EVENING

Buzz. The door is opened by Tinker.

Stew steps into the flat.
Eric is laid on the kitchen surface. He wears a black velvet catsuit (with a tail), cat ears and paw-gloves (which he is licking). His face-paints are bolstered with mild latexing for added catiness.

Tinker subtly shuts the door.

Seated, he sniffs, desperately.

He picks an orange from the font and starts to peel it as the room slowly and barely perceptibly begins to change.

The entrance melts away into the plastic vinery and the wall. The room lengthens with the help of a Vertigo zoom.

Pan around to reveal the opposite wall to the kitchen. It is dark and distant and from it emerges a crack of bright light.

This widens and from it enters Bhuvana in a white slinky outfit and long silver ear-rings. The imagery should to an extent recall Zool from Ghostbusters although there's no red eyes or hair grease. Bhuvana isn't wearing her hat, and she speaks in her North East accent rather than the Finnish.

The floor cracks open and Stew falls out of the room.

She walks up to the hole in the floor.

The interior of the hole is:

15 - INT 29 - GOTHIC CRYPT - CONT

Stew is sat in the sofa, a little shaken and plaster-covered. The sofa has landed on Babysham's sarcophagus.

He raises a hand to shake, though he is a floor down from Bhuvana.

Reaction shot of Stew. Fade to black.

Mock silent film-stock. Simple unserifed white on black caption (jittery):

16 - INT 38 - STUDIO WITH STARFIELD BACKCLOTH

Fade up on cheese-cloth b&w footage of a starfield backdrop a la Méliès. 78 rpm sound-quality piano arrangement of Also Sprach Zarathustra. The Sun comes into view from off right. It is actually Bhuvana's head with elaborate make-up. She smiles.

She wrinkles her nose a la Bewitched, and there is stardust from it as The Moon appears to her left. The Moon is a computer-generated likeness of Dennis Potter in similar make-up. The Moon opens his mouth to shout.

The Sun cringes at the loudness of the Moon. The Moon is evidently making a lot of noise, which should tie in to the noisy bit of the music. The Sun edges out of shot.

The music has concluded and the Moon is quiet and upset. He has an idea. He wrinkles his nose and the Earth appears where the Sun previously was. It is just the Earth. It has not been anthropomorphosised. The Moon grins a happy grin. Further music is ad libbed to match the film.

17 - EXT 31 - MABLETHORPE DUNES - DAY

Fade up on the dunes of Mablethorpe, shot to avoid sight of the sea. As we pan, we reveal, superimposed in the sky, the Moon (although now looking more like the Sun, makeup wise). He is shouting a lot. As we move across the scene, and the Moon/Sun entity moves across the sky, we see a lime tree, and under it the naked forms of Stan (Fred Ward) and Rita (Nicola Walker). Both have silent-era over-the-top dark makeup. The two are running about like animals (on all fours) with little care for anything really. Other random pairs of animals also appear in shot, with similarly dark makeup.

The Moon/Sun/Potter entity "sets" out of shot.

Rita is sniffing at a lime on the tree. A closer examination of the lime reveals that it has the face of Bhuvana. It smiles.

Rita sniffs and then eats some of the lime. As she chews we mix to her dressed as a stereotypical severe 1960s librarian type with glasses and tweed. Stan sniffs at her arse and she hands him another lime from the tree. He sniffs at it and eats it and melts into a stereotypical blonde '20s Oxbridge type in boating costume (with Prisoner black jacket) and round Lucky Jim specs. The two snort at each other and look intelligent. Then eat more limes until only one remains.

Enter Potter, now as a fully fledged Sun. He shouts.

A flare from the Sun ignites the lime tree (which disintegrates in the flames). The flames contain the face of Bhuvana, and as the new Sun-Potter potters off again, the flames become a vapour which absorbs itself into the dejected forms of Stan and Rita.

A new bit of dunes. We pan to a mockup of the Tunisian hotel thing that's used as the Larrs Homestead in Star Wars.
Mix to:

18 - INT 39 - JUDEAN PEASANT DWELLING - DAY

Mary (Leah Coombes) is a 10-12 year old Jewish girl. She wears the obligatory blue bedsheet and a pair of heart-shaped sunglasses. Gabriel Byrne (giving it the full Alan Rickman deadpan misery) appears before her in a white dress (big '70s Demis Roussos look), complete with coathanger and tinsel halo. He has two pathetic looking chicken wings (actual size, and with mangy feathers) sticking out the back. Mary is understandably startled by the sudden appearance (complete with cut jerk).

Gabriel speaks.

For lip readers he should be saying (in a Geordie accent):

He accompanies this with various lewd gestures, like some curious attempt at a chat-up spiel by an unsophisticated porn-subscriber. He should end with his arm around her, touching her arse.

Cut to Mary on a bed, and Gabriel leaping onto her.

Animation insert of little winged sperms with Bhuvana's face. Appropriately jolly music a la Monty Python intermission.

Cut to Mary alone on the bed, heavily pregnant and smoking. She looks to her side but Gabriel is gone.

Mix to:

19 - EXT 31 - DUNES - DAY

Mary pushing a pushchair containing a pineapple in a romper suit, although we don't really focus on the pineapple and it shouldn't be obvious. She sucks on a lollipop. In the sky is the Potter Sun with a Spiderman mask on.

We sweep over the dunes, away from Mary, but maintaining the presence of Potter, who shouts.

Potter slips out of shot, and over a dune we see the arse of Bhuvana sticking up. She is digging a hole in the sand. She wears a feather boa among other items of clothing. She looks up and replies.

As Potter catches up with the shot and re-enters, we switch to a close up of Bhuvana buried to her neck in the sand. She wrinkles her nose and we return to the wide shot where she turns into a Lime tree (wearing the boa). Potter moves closer to the tree and shouts. He strikes the tree with a lightning bolt and the accompanying music should play the riff from Dracula Mountain.

The Lime trembles.

Enter a farmer (Bill Bailey) who plucks the only lime on the tree and then squeezes it into the jade box from episode 4. As the juices  dripinto the box,  we colour the box green.

Timelapse of the lone tree during which we seamlessly mix its setting to:

EXT 32 - FINLAND SNOWSCAPE - DAY

Beat. We hear a whistle blow. Enter Maati (Mark Heap) dressed as a Nordic God (a la Rod from ANS). He swings about a big sword. He walks past the Lime. Then double takes. He fondles a branch and then swings his sword at it. Abracadabric FX as we change to extra-gaudy Technicolor and the associated film quality.

This reveals that Maati's costume is actually knitted in elaborate colours. It also reveals that the Lime has transformed into a very cold and naked human Bhuvana who is stood like a tree. When she realises she is no longer a tree, she shivers and tries to warm herself. Maati rubs her with snow, and we fade out.

We fade up on:

20 - INT 29 - GOTHIC CRYPT - AFTERNOON

Stew in the same expression as before the flashback. He takes an intake of breath. Fade to black with post-lap of him expelling his breath.

The black is actually:

21 - INT 1 - MARTY'S OFFICE - NIGHT

At the centre top of shot, the striplight flickers into life. It takes a while to warm up and ideally we should maintain a vignette effect around the edge of shot. We can just about make out the door, but the light is significantly less powerful than in the opening shot of the episode.

The light is the only sound until we hear the distant pop of a bottle of beer being opened beyond the door, and then the sound of it being poured.

Marty enters via the door. He clutches a mug of beer and has a banana hanging from his mouth. He sits down at the desk. The tape recorder from the interview is still there.

Marty munches at the banana while rewinding the tape. At some random point he presses play.

[TAPE: Indefinable mass screaming. More apocalypse than Beatles gig.]

Marty quickly stops the tape and runs it back a good bit more. He drinks some beer, dipping his banana in it.

Play:

[TAPE:

Audible fast-forwarding...

]

He stops the tape, and, banana in mouth, scrambles through the desk drawer for a diary. He pulls it out and examines it.

He rewinds the tape audibly.

[TAPE:

]

Stop.
Marty runs his finger down the diary, and stops three quarters of the way down.

He fast forwards a little way.

[TAPE:

]

The latter line post-lapping into:

22 - INT 11 - JADE'S HOUSE - THURSDAY NIGHT

The room is a little like 69 in ANS: two opposing settees with a large window between overlooking the garden.
It is stormy weather again, which provides a seamless segue from the tape hiss. We see nothing but reflection in the window. In the occasional flash of lightning we might make out a shed, a gazebo and a pond with a fountain.

Leon and Alan are sat on one settee, Jade and Babysham are sat on the other. Lighting is such that the characters are only really visible if they lean forwards into the light at the centre of the room. The settees themselves are in darkness.

The characters lean forwards when they are speaking, and then lean back into the gloom.

Leon leans forwards and gets up.
Babysham and Alan get up too. They look out of the window at the rain, to kill time. All we see is their reflections.
In a flash of lightening we might subliminally catch a glimpse of some demented dancing figure in the garden.

Jade checks her watch. Lightning shines on her face and glints in her eyes. This sequence should have a lot of red in it, and probably a warm filter.

There is an open staircase in the room. It starts from the opposite wall to the window, and heads up across the centre of the room to a mezzanine in front of a first floor window that is above the window that Babysham and Alan are at. Both windows are of a similar size.
We have a crane to follow Leon up the stairs. We start from beneath, and wrap around to get behind him. We then crane up.
As he climbs, we casually hear Babysham say the following:

As Leon reaches the mezzanine, the soundtrack turns, and Stravinsky stabs in a rather Psychotic manner.
Suddenly, a damp, semi-naked human form slams into the top window from the blackness of outside, and slumps down to the bottom window. The form is Jason Donovan in a tutu. He is seemingly dead. The sequence should be redolent of Dario Argento or Brian Di Palma. Really red blood streaking down the panes.

As Jason hits the window, Leon stumbles backwards in shock, and rolls partly down the stairs, falling off the edge a quarter of the way down. He catches the edge and hangs off the stairs above Jade.

Jade begins to get up, unflustered.

Alan and Babysham look at the body, illuminated occasionally by lightning.

Leon falls to the settee just as Jade moves away.

In a prolonged sheet-lightning burst, Jason's feet are seen to be still twitching ferociously. They wear red ballet shoes.

The lightning gives way to pitch black, and the credits roll (white on black).
Animated Babysham enters to the right as they roll past, and chalks up a noughts and crosses board. He sets about a game by placing an X at the centre. An O within the credits is justified such that it scrolls into place at bottom centre and stays there (the rest of the credits carry on). Babysham plays bottom right. The credits play top left. Babysham plays bottom left. Credits play top right and Babysham kicks himself for missing an obvious win. He then grudgingly plays top centre. Credits play left centre. Babysham plays right centre and then scrubs off the board. In its place he lays out some Hangman spaces: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. The credits aren't stupid though, and they spell BABYSHAM with no difficulty using the same method as before. The credits then roll out. Animated Babysham goes off in a huff leaving the word BABYSHAM to glow there in the centre of the screen. Increase contrast and then flicker out like a dead electric light.