A NEW SOAP X

Note: Orange text denotes dominant sound. Dialogue is not coloured, but can be assumed to be dominant.

EXT - F34 - DAY

Crane shot of a featureless white sky. Crane down to see LEON (Jean Reno) hovering over a prone LUCY (Sarah Michelle Gellar) with a blooded shovel in his hands. In a circle around are JIM_AH (Anthony Head), STEW (Ewan McGregor), ANT (Ben Kingsley), BABYSHAM (Guy Pearce), ALAN (Hugh Hopper) and JIM_SD (Steve Davis). Jim_HD holds a blaster. Jim_SD holds a blaster and a bikepump. Also crumpled on the floor, with his innards dripping out, is ALEX (Vincent Perez).

A tumbleweed in the background can be seen to roll in reverse as suddenly, through the wonder of backwards film, LEON de-thwacks LUCY's head with the shovel, and she comes back into vertical being, obscuring the shot with her presence.

FX

We seamlessly spin back through Episode 9, with increasing speed. By Sc. 9:16, we are editing a decreasing number of frames per scene, concentrating on summarising iconic shots. We should reach a rate of 1 scene per frame by the beginning of Ep.9, and we maintain this pace through Ep.8. At this rate we should reach the beginning of Ep.0 in 10 seconds. Over all this we build up an orchestral frenzy, a la "Day in the Life". As we hit Ep.1 we pull to 2 frames per shot, increasing through to 10 by the opening shot of the corridor in Ep.0. We hold this shot for a moment, but flicker it. The flicker isn't constant, and eventually it flickers away into darkness. The music cuts out.

We switch to four screens like a security monitor.

[TIME: c.30"]
TOP LEFT
BOTTOM LEFT
BOTTOM RIGHT
TOP RIGHT
INT - MR CHOPS - NIGHT

A directly overhead shot of the alcove area. Light is oozing out from beneath a doorway to our left. Other than that, all is in darkness.
 
 

 

INT - MR CHOPS - NIGHT

The room is in total darkness. 
 

INT - MR CHOPS - NIGHT

A high shot from the shower corner, looking at the inside wall of the corridor's 90° corner. From this angle, we will be able to see partially down both corridors, but we can't see the doors at the end of either. The angle should be wide enough to just see the doors of Alex's room (left) and Stew's room (right).
The light in Alex's room is on.
The corridor is in total darkness, save for the light from Alex's door, and a faint glow from the left corridor's alcove (out of shot). 
 

INT - MR CHOPS - NIGHT

The room is in total darkness. 
 
 

 

We hear a door open and slam at the centre of the mix. 
Then the neon lighting in the corridor flickers on, illuminating the opening to the corridor at the bottom of our shot.  The light in the alcove fails to come on.

The lighting maintains a subtle but far from strobing flicker throughout. 
 

Then the neon lighting flickers on in arty serial (starting below us, and running off up the corridor (making this shot the first to light up properly)). 

The light reveals a shot up the right hand end of the corridor, looking towards the shower from a high angle. 

The lighting maintains a subtle but far from strobing flicker throughout.

Then the neon corridor lighting flickers on in arty serial (starting from the left of shot). 

The lighting maintains a subtle but far from strobing flicker throughout.
 

Then the neon lighting flickers on in arty serial (starting around the corner and running towards us) revealing the standard shot. 

The lighting maintains a subtle but far from strobing flicker throughout.

We hear footsteps slowly approaching. No music, only the natural tension of buzzing electrics, dripping water and footsteps.  
We begin to see a shadowy figure emerging from the bottom of the shot, but the camera cuts out in a fizz of static.
CUT TO:
The shadow of a human figure creeps into shot.
A shadowy form slowly skulks past the opening at the bottom of our screen (right to left). We can only see part of its side and legs from our position. INT - LEON'S ROOM - NIGHT

Another room in total darkness, though as the camera cranes, we see light coming in through the curtains from the lights outside. 

The shadow extends along the corridor.
CUT TO:
 
The light in the room at the far end of our part of the corridor flicks on, highlighting the door.

The footsteps continue.

The footsteps stop as a figure stops, just still in shot.

Beat.
 

We may begin to make out murky shapes. INT - ALEX'S ROOM - NIGHT

In the glow of an anglepoise lamp and a large altar candle on the desk, and a pentogramatic arrangement of tea-lights on the floor, ALEX hangs suspended upside-down from the ceiling by a rope (which creaks slightly). Beneath his head is the centre of the pentagram. His arms are outstretched to form an inverted crucifix. MIDGE (Mel Giedroyc) sits on the edge of the bed, in the background and in close reach of the desk.

A partial shadow is cast into the corridor at the far end.  The figure stops out of shot.

Beat.

The door to our left opens, spilling more light into the alcove. 

A shadow of a figure in the doorway is cast across the floor and walls. 

The shadow double-takes at the guitar noise that has just flared up in the next room along.
 
 
 

 

The desk light flicks on. 
In the white light of the anglepoise lamp, the dark figure of LEON sits at the desk. He wears his long black leather coat.

He pulls an unstrapped Casio digital watch from his inside pocket, glances at it, and replaces it.
 

MIDGE activates a simple green cigarette lighter, and lights a roll up cigarette. She puts the lighter on the desk beside a tub of Bisto and her fag papers. A small glass jug sits on the desk nearby, full of ash, with a silver teaspoon inside.

MIDGE draws on her cigarette, while ALEX spins gently in the background.
 

Then there is an electric crunch, quickly escalating into frightening electric guitar noises. This is the sound of someone murdering a guitar in the end room.
 

 

The shadowy figure from the doorway steps into the alcove and reveals himself to be JIM_CE (Christopher Eccleston). He wears blue flannelette pyjamas and bottle-bottomed glasses. LEON closes a score that is in front of him. It is revealed to be Mahler 5. MIDGE turns and pulls down part of ALEX's black long-sleeved T-shirt to reveal his belly. The light beyond the door on our right flicks on.

 

Unaware of the figure in the corridor, JIM_CE turns to check his door handle. He turns the knob to check that he wont be locked out of his room.

The figure in the corridor doesn't move.

Shot of the curtain in the shadow of the anglepoise. LEON's hand comes in and moves the curtain aside so as to peer through it. We catch a glimpse of the lamps across the lake, and the moon reflected in its water. LEON then eclipses the scene. With a series of pleasing (though barely audible) sizzles, MIDGE uses the cigarette to burn a smiley face into ALEX's flesh.

Shot of ALEX's face (upside down, of course), with an expression of pained pleasure. 

MIX TO:
ECU of the door handle. After a moment it moves.

 

JIM_CE goes back into his room.

At the same moment, the figure in the corridor turns and heads back in the direction from which it came.
 
 
 

 

The light turns off and we're in darkness again.  INT - A-BLOCK EAST STAIR WELL / MR CHOPS - NIGHT

Crane shot spiralling down the stairwell, to finish in the lobby area of Goodricke A-Block. The shot at the bottom should contain the door to the corridor, and through it, in the distance, we can make out the basic shape of a figure, approaching down the corridor. On the door is a sign that says "Strictly No Penguins".

Wide shot of the human shadow on the tiled floor. 

We hear Stew's door open to our left, and some light spills into out shot, bottom left. 

The shadow slips away at the same moment. Footsteps on both sides.

The steps from the left are barefoot, with the feet entering shot.

New angle from within the corridor, looking across the width and into the alcove. The left doorpost of the alcove is not in shot, and to make up, we have significant wall to the right. 
The shot is at an angle such that we can see through the alcove and slightly into JIM_CE's room.

JIM_CE comes into view in his doorway. He now carries a plastic Star Wars branded tumbler. He looks a bit pissed off as he steps into the alcove.

LEON switches on the circular light above the sink, bathing this caravanish area in yellowy light.

The light adds a buzz to the soundtrack.

LEON looks at himself in the mirror, removes his glasses, then splashes water on himself from the tap.
 

A door opens off the left of our shot, bathing us in light. 

Cut to a shot of an open door to an executive kitchen. In it stands the silhouette of a short, slightly plump woman. She approaches and we see that she is KAREN (Helen Atkinson Wood).

If she exhibits any emotion at all, it is nervousness and apprehension.
 

We crane back to the original shot revealing the back of STEW, who wears a large black jumper and nothing else. 

He has long hair. He approaches the far door.
 

CU of JIM_CE. 
He looks up and notices that the light isn't working.
But the water is now blood. 

And blood drips from LEON's face.

KAREN
Hello. Hello?
Are you there?
Shot of door (with peep hole). 

STEW's hand enters to knock. 

Overhead shot again.

JIM_CE stretches up to the camera 

Without his glasses, LEON is unaware of the bloodiness of the water.
 

 

We hear a door open and close at the end of the corridor.
JIM_CE gives the camera a knock.

The shot bleaches out.

CUT TO:
 
KAREN
Hello?

KAREN should not be in line with the corridor. 

CUT TO:
Shot of STEW about to knock, but looking at the rocking door in the distance.

 

INT - STAIRWELL / MR CHOPS - NIGHT

Shot looking through the rocking corridor door from the stairwell side. 

Through it we can see STEW, stood at the far end, near the shower. 

The door is half-glazed with a mesh glass. 

We zoom on STEW, and as we get close enough to lose the mesh, we pass through the window (through the power of trickery) and zoom/track forwards until we are close enough to see that STEW isn't looking at the door, but rather at a bourbon biscuit, which is suspended on a cord outside an alcove half way up the corridor. 

Shot of a towel. LEON feels for the towel and takes it out of shot. 

We stare at the wood of the wall.
 

INT - MR CHOPS - NIGHT

Low shot across the floor from the stairwell end of the corridor (where the door just went), looking at STEW's feet. 

Focus shifts to notice a gentle snowfall of brown crumbs that hit the floor. 

 

Shot from the original angle, looking down and across towards STEW, who is peering down the corridor.

 

The towel is replaced, smeared with blood.
LEON eclipses the shot. 
We maintain the shot, and once he is past us, we see the basic form of a face in the blood on the towel.
The TOP RIGHT frame becomes the top of this shot, as we make use of light and shadow and enjoy the slow-motion rain of crumbs.

 

This frame becomes the top half of what is essentially the same shot as the BOTTOM RIGHT frame, and together they become a single tall shot.

The bourbon swings on its cord (in slow motion), bashing into the wall, and showering crumbs.

We rise up through the falling crumbs of the bourbon (in slow motion).

 

The light switches off and we are in darkness again.

We hear LEON indulging in slow and deliberate breathing exercises.
 

 

We cut away from the conjoined view to a CU of STEW watching the bourbon. The BOTTOM RIGHT shot cuts away, but we stay on the bourbon.
ECU of the bourbon swinging on its string. The bourbon swings forever in slow motion. All around it remains in real time. Cut to a shot looking from the window to the door, with the light from the corridor spilling under. We see from this that LEON is stood facing the door. His breating continues. With a gentle shift of brightness, we allow ourselves to make out more of LEON's form.
Leant against the wall to his right, in a patch of light (from the window and the door) is a violin case.
Shot from the top corner again. 

We can see STEW directly below us. 

He looks over his shoulder from where he came.

CUT TO:
We shift our focus gradually, from the bourbon to STEW.

STEW looks over his shoulder from where he came.

ECU tracking shot of the slow-motion biscuit and its shadow. LEON reaches for the violin case.

 

INT - ALEX'S ROOM - NIGHT

Like the bourbon, ALEX dangles. He dangles in real time, but has the weight to match the bourbon's rate.

STEW looks up the right corridor (beyond the bourbon), and looks back at the bourbon. There is a look of slight confusion mixed with curiosity. 
The slow motion buscuit is brought to a stop by the hand of JIM_CE (as destinguished by the elasticated cuff of his pyjama top).

 

CU of the violin case being picked up and out of shot, leaving behind a shadowy empty wall and floor.

 

STEW begins to approach the blurry biscuit.

Throughout all of this, the cacophony has continued unabated. The sound has been digitally tampered with to skew its pitch and direction of play.

Sound and picture cut abrubtly to be replaced by a "Babysham"-style caption card that reads "JIM".
Beneath it we play a low and comparitively inperceptible note of Eb on a threatening synth. This tone continues through the following scene:
Sound and picture cut abrubtly to be replaced by a "Babysham"-style caption card that reads "LEON". Sound and picture cut abrubtly to be replaced by a "Babysham"-style caption card that reads "ALEX". As STEW begins his approach, sound and picture cut abruptly to be replaced by a "Babysham"-style caption card that reads "STEW".
 
[TIME: c.3']
EXT - TUDOR SQUARE, SHEFFIELD - EARLY EVENING

Establishing track shot of the Crucible Theatre.
 

INT - MR CHOPS - NIGHT

Opening shot of the corridor, as per tradition, apart from the two LEONs stood side by side, half way along. 

They both wear long black leather coats, black shirts and black trousers.

They are holding hands.

EXT - A FOGGY AVENUE - MORNING

A tree-lined rural lane, with some amount of mist about. Establish with curious birdsong.

INT - A UNIVERSITY CLASSROOM IN THE 1980s - EVENING

Some sort of activist meeting. A room of c.50 people sit on plastic chairs before a row of three adjoined tables behind which sit STEW, MARY (Sophie Ellis Bextor) and JOHN (Nick Frost).

STEW is dressed like a teacher. He has a patched corduroy jacket and matching trousers, and wears a white shirt with a thin red tie. On his lapel are three small badges, one red, one yellow, one green. His hair is shorter than normal, though far from heavily cropped. His beard is thin. He sits on the left (from the POV of the audience).
MARY had a big brown perm like Judith Hann, and wears a long, belted, cotton jumper in pink and white stripes. Below this is a white pencil-skirt to below the knee. She has plastic jewellery. A grey mac is hung on the chair-back.
JOHN has over-bleached blonde hair, and wears a brilliant-white suit with a crucifix pin-badge and a fish pin-badge in the lapel. His shirt is blue and his tie is shiny white. He should look like a cross between an American TV evangelist and Bowie's Thin White Duke (if Bowie were a dedicated gourmet critic). He sits on the right for the audience.

The audience are all eating Guardian-wrapped portions of fish & chips.
Stew and Mary share a portion, spread out between them on the table. John has his own double helping. There are maps and ring-binders on the table too, and a stetson hat to John's left, at the edge of the table.

When we first enter this scene, STEW is not sat, but is stood at a blackboard behind the three desks. The blackboard has the formula "1Nn=(234.6-Nft)SdT" written on it on the left. There is space on the right.

 CUT TO:
Camera cranes down to a low angle. A slight rumble escalates in the right speaker.
STEW
So...
INT - CRUCIBLE TOILETS - EVENING

JIM_SD, with his back to us, is packing a series of metal tubes into a cue-case.

A dust-cloud escalates through reverse footage. This entire scene is backwards.

A horse-drawn carriage clop-clips into shot.

He turns to write in chalk
"μακαριοι οι χηνες, οτι αυτοι κληρονομη σουσιν τη ν γη ν"

As he writes, he speaks:

STEW
Makarioi oi cheenes, oti autoi kleeronomeesousin teen geen.

He clamps the cue case up, and turns to leave.
CUT TO:
The door at the back (the one the noise was coming from earlier) opens up. 

Beyond is brilliant light, and a river of blood which floods in. 
 

A reverse gunshot rings in. 

Shot of ALEX in highwayman gear, clutching a musket and grinning.

He is on the footplate at what was the far side of the coach. The coach is now stationary.
 

He underlines it and dots it hard.

Mumbling from the crowd which continues through the following:

INT - CRUCIBLE LOBBY - EVENING

JIM_SD sweeps through the glass doors and into the lobby.

He paces deliberately towards the exit, with his case swinging in his hand.
 

The blood laps along the corridor, through the LEONs' legs. 
The LEONs do not move or show emotion. 

The blood laps over the camera and engulfs us.

MIX TO:
He leaps majestically off the coach, which has the number 403 painted on its door.

His gun is trained on the windows.

He steps up to the windows, and pokes his head and gun in.

CUT TO: 
STEW
Mary:

He sits, passing the chalk to MARY, and taking a handful of chips.

MARY then gets up (with a chair scrape). 
 

JIM_SD trots down the stairs, all Game For A Laugh.
CUT TO:
INT - CAVES - EVENING

In a torch-lit cave, we writhe through many LEONs, crushed and bloodied by the pressure. Hundreds of agonised screams, cracks, and squelches flood the soundtrack. 
 

INT - CARRIAGE - MORNING

ALEX's face grins at us. He looks around.

WILLIAM (Bill Nighy) and MIRIAM (Emma Forbes) sit opposite each other in Regency costume.
 

MARY clears off the formula but leaves the Greek. She draws a diagonal line: c.20°, right down. 
EXT - TUDOR SQUARE - EVENING

We see JIM_SD come through the entrance hall and out into the square.
He looks up, shading his eyes from the light.

CUT TO:
ALEX kisses WILLIAM passionately. He looks around, grinning, again. His head leans back out through the window.
WILLIAM tentatively pushes up a wooden panel over the window.
Equally spaced along this she draws three large circles, which she dots and shades to make the appearance of the Filingdales golf-balls.
EXT - SURREY STREET - EVENING

A street full of phone boxes. 

JIM_SD emerges from one at the Tudor Square end, heads up to the next, looks in, heads up to the next, etc.

He is clearly looking for something specific in one of the boxes.

We begin to be carried away by the current of distorted LEONs. Shot of the wooden panelling.

A series of backwards knocks (the usual knocking rhythm, in reverse).

 

Meanwhile, JOHN, who like the rest of us is watching intently, subtly and accidentally knocks his hat off the table. He turns to see it fall away from him.
We closely watch it tumble, in slow motion, down the wooden side of the desk. But the floor has been removed, and the desk continues infinitely down.
We catch the occasional hideously contorted face, as the body level rises. The hat from the TOP RIGHT frame tumbles into shot, and the two frames become one tall shot. The hat tumbles out of this frame and into the BOTTOM RIGHT frame. The two frames become one tall shot.
At the end of the road, by the Town Hall, is a strange, green and white, wooden Police Box. A look of recognition as JIM_SD enters the box.

Beat.

The Police Box dematerialises, leaving behind an anonymous concrete plinth. 

WIPE TO:
 
We make out an arm reaching bravely up out of the crush, then wilting in death.  After a suitable period, the hat passes a hand that has been nailed into the desk. 
We see no more of the body than the blooded hand, and a silver bangle with a squared cross-section hanging off the wrist (caked in blood). 

The hand has a go at catching the hat, but fails (owing to the nail). 
It passes up the shot and away again.

The Eb tone throbs more obvious and menacing as we pass down the next five feet or so. 
Then it dies back again.
 

EXT - SHEEP FIELDS & ENVIRONS - EVENING

We are in Derbyshire. All around are grassy fields, and at random intervals across the fields are the smouldering and charred remains of what might once have been sheep. Charred exploded skeletons and flaming pools of lanolin.
 

 

The ones on top are more comfortable, but the level of bodies is rising. Some wall-torches are extinguished by the rising flesh. Others cause areas of burning body-fat.  The camera slows down and the hat tumbles out of shot. 

The camera stops, and we stare at the blooded wooden wall of:

INT - LEON'S ROOM - MORNING

The camera slows down. The hat is now firmly in the BOTTOM RIGHT frame. 

This top frame is filled with the wood of the desk wall.
 

At the bottom of shot, A crater with a cave in it is now a lake of bodies: LEONs. The camera angle merges with that of the BOTTOM LEFT frame, a little like a cut-away of the lake. The cave ceiling (at the top of the frame) is approaching, as the current pushes us up and out of the caves, to merge into a single tall shot with the TOP LEFT frame. Beat.

BARNIE (Pam Ferris)'s arm reaches in and replaces the blooded towel from earlier.

Beat.

The wood of the desk wall opens towards us as a door, and by use of another special effect, we pull out to reveal that it is the left door of a pair of large wooden double doors, behind which is a snowy landscape in the distance, and a long-coated figure in the foreground.

CUT TO:
Longer shot:
The flesh of the LEONs rises and spills into the fields proper, as we move to a new camera, surveying the scene.

In the distance, an apocalyptic sunset adds to the Bosch-like scene of rhything bodies and burnt livestock.

The occasional battered LEON is picking its way across the field. 

It should look like a zombie film, with these broken, tattered forms sloping through the scenery. 

The bodies were all wearing the standard LEON outfit at their creation, but the sea of LEONs has left them nearly naked.

BARNIE shrieks at the site of the blood face.

 

INT - LARGE MEDIEVAL BARN - LATE AFTERNOON

At the centre of shot are the large wooden doors. Beyond them, outside, through use of trickery, are the Green Lane Works, Sheffield, all covered in snow. It is snowing out there.

Inside, right of shot, CAROLINE (Heather Nova) buffs up some pewter on a peddle lathe. She wears wide glasses with thick black rims, and her hair is up in an Italian peasant scarf. She wears an apron and a thick cotton dress.

Left of shot, MARY stands in a sexy black '60s outfit (including a broad black hat) and appropriate make-up. She flicks through poses with a scarf and a cigarette holder. She is competing with LUCY, who wears a groovy white dress (and matching make-up), and has her hair up in an elaborate do. She also has a long and fashionable scarf or two.

In the now open doorway stands STEW in semi-cruciform pose. He wears a big black overcoat and black jeans, with motorcycle boots. On his face is a pair of thin, metal-rimmed glasses, and he wears a thick grey snood up over his head. He is lightly bearded, and covered in snow. In his arms he carries three large boxes wrapped up in pages from the Guardian. They are carried in such a way as to give him as much of a cruciform appearance as possible without dropping anything.
 

Wider angle to see her falling backwards in fright, and cracking her head open on a hook in the wall behind her. 

She passes out in a fountain of blood, and slumps to the floor.

STEW
Fiat sex!
(to camera, CU:)
O gratia placendi!

The women are enthralled by his presence as he enters, dusting off snow. He tosses a parcel to each. 

The BOTTOM LEFT frame breaks away, but we maintain the shot, which in this frame consists mainly of sky, and the tops of cliffs and hills. This frame cuts to a CU of one of the LEONs zombie-walking towards the camera. He should be more dazed than brain-dead.

The LEON walks into the camera, obscuring it, and we...

CUT TO:
Blood pools at Barnie's dead hand, and the puddle expands towards the doorway. We pan around her, to take in the window. Beyond is the lake, and on a bench at the far side (too small to make out yet) sits ANT.
CUT TO:
They tear into their parcels to reveal glass-cased novelty singing fish. 

They are less than impressed. 

MARY petulantly tosses hers into the floor, causing the case to shatter. 
 

[TIME: c.5']
Some birds flap across the sky to break up any monotony. They should not be geese. EXT - GLECEON 7 - DAY

A LEON in a long leather coat walks away from the lens to reveal the glittering city-scape of Gleceon 7. It should resemble Croissant (ie a built up version of the University of York), but about a century on. Almost everyone here is a LEON, but there are some exceptions. There are lots of non-Leons in Leon-like garb, with Leon-like hair-styles and face furniture. There are even children, who we might suppose were fathered by Leons, but who are clearly not Leons, as some of them are girls.

We follow this LEON through the city, past people doing ordinary things. Couples, some both LEONs, some not, some same-sex, some not, walk by. Some non-LEON couples have children, but they are a rarity.

We occasionally change our concentration from one LEON to another, so the final LEON we settle on will not be the LEON we started with, but will look identical.

LEONs occasionally say hellos to each other. Ad-lib.

Pairs of armed LEONs (big guns) in particularly threatening black leather, pace the streets being stern. They can often be seen to be picking on non-LEONs, while the very occasional LEON is seen committing a petty crime. There's the faintest suggestion of a burgeoning police state.

We will spend about a fortnight recording elements for this with Jean. Most will be made up on the spot.

Some obligatory elements are as follows (to be synched with similar elements in the lyrics of Amazing Grace):

A LEON asking police for directions.
A blind LEON being helped over the road by a young woman of Leonish stock.
A LEON urinating in an alleyway.
A LEON robbing a shop.
A LEON buying liver in a market.
A LEON in a yashmak.

EXT - MUSIC LAKESIDE - MORNING

ANT sits on a bench beneath the Music Department, looking at us through binoculars.

 

The fish breaks into "Amazing Grace" over the Eb drone. 

FISH
Amazing grace,
How sweet the sound...

The other two fish have been discarded also. One is placed on the floor, forward of the smashed one. The other is placed on a stool, left and back. These still-cased fish provide backing oohs.
 

 

On one cliff, to the left of shot, walks on a man in full Scottish garb: all ruffles and kiltiness. He is JOE (Frazer Hinds). 

He appears to be playing the bagpipes, but as we get a closer look (for that is what the camera is going to do) we notice that it is, in fact, a dead goose that he's blowing down.

We arc right around him, below him, like some Bon Jovi video, as he throws himself into his goose playing. 

This, obviously, meshes somewhat with the song in the TOP RIGHT frame.

As the shot reveals more of the cliffery, we notice, on a solitary rock, ZOE (Leah Bracknell). 

ZOE has medium length black hair with a fringe and an elasticated lavender-blue headband. She wears a moddish black mini-dress and black knee-length lace-up boots. Over this she wears a black, fitted, mini-length woollen overcoat, buttoned up. She is quite windswept.

At her chest she clutches a posy made up of heather, forget-me-nots, mother-die, red campion, burnet rose, Yorkshire fog, and lime leaves.
 

Close-up of ANT's head.
FISH
That saved a wretch like me.
 
He lowers the binoculars and lightly grins at the camera. The women camply chase STEW in a circle around the barn.
Longer shot as ANT ticks something off on a diddy computer with a stylus. He puts the machine in an outer side-pocket of his navy-blue anorak.
FISH
I once was lost
But now am found,
Was blind but now I see.
We go with a POV now of the reflection of Goodricke A-Block in the lake. We pan steadily up to the block itself. 

In the windows, students go about their business.

Twas grace that taught
My heart to fear...

STEW grabs a wood and metal chair (of the "Ray" kitchen variety (Ep.0 etc)) and uses it to try and fend off the women. 

FISH
And grace my fears relieved.

A closer shot, with the Mr Chops windows in the top half of the frame and their reflections in the lake in the bottom half. 

(L to R):
Tomy's curtain is open, and the light is off. No-one is there. There are naked aryan women on posters on the walls.

Leon's curtain is open. The lighting is whatever is best to see in. Blood is smeared on the wooden panel. If we can see BARNIE, she is prone on the floor. The water below this window is subtly lit blood-red.

Chris's curtain is open, and the light is off. No-one is there. There are scantily clad oriental women on posters on the walls.

Jim's curtain is open, and the light is off. No-one is there. There are Star Wars posters on the walls.

Economics' curtain is closed at first, but the light is on beyond.

 

How precious did 
That grace appear...
 
Economics' curtains jerk open revealing a back-lit ECONOMICS (Phil Daniels). He wears porter's overalls and his hair is a bit mad. He does some wild staring.

He slides open his window, and as he does so we catch massive ripples in the water.

Quickly, a goose flies up into shot and goes straight for ECONOMICS's neck. ECONOMICS spends the rest of the scene fighting with the (pretty blatantly fake, but nonetheless squawky) goose which will not detach itself.

FISH
The hour I first believed.

STEW's snood is now down, and his damp hair begins to unravel.

FISH
Through many dangers,
Toils and snares,
I have already come...

With their long scarves, the women dance around STEW, subtly tying him to the postwork of the barn (in a cruciform position, of course).
 

ZOE
Tis grace hath brought me
Safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.
Yea, when this flesh
And heart shall fail,
And Mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess
Within the veil
A life of joy and peace.
ECONOMICS, still clutching the goose to his neck, falls through the window and tumbles backwards into the lake with a splash. 

Goose after goose joins the fight, and ECONOMICS's flailing lessens as he is slowly drowned.

Eerie silence follows.

FISH
Tis grace hath brought me
Safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.
Yea, when this flesh
And heart shall fail,
And Mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess
Within the veil
A life of joy and peace.
There is one more figure on these rocks, who fades into the sound mix now. He is JIM_DT (David Troughton), who wears a big fake-fur coat and a floppy hat (all very Flannagan & Allan). 

He is accompanying the song on a penny whistle. 

We don't go for a close-up of him, just have him pottering in the background.
 

The LEON we're following mounts the series of steps that run up the side of Central Hall. A cityscape is all around. 

No-one else is on these steps, or the balcony. 

The geese disperse leaving behind nothing but floating feathers.

We crane out, eventually taking in the bench at the bottom of the shot. 

ANT stands up, straightening himself off before exiting the frame below us (in the direction of the Biology department).

 

Once he is secured, each woman kisses him in turn: 

MARY kisses one lens of his glasses, leaving a lipstick mark. 

LUCY kisses the other lens, similarly. 

CAROLINE kisses his forehead, leaving filth and pewter-dust lips there.
 

ZOE
When we've been there
Ten thousand years
The LEON walks the length of the balcony and finds a shady post to lean on. 
FISH
When we've been there
Ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun...
We return to the shot of the corridor windows. LEON (obscured by the curtain) is swiftly shutting his curtains as we cut to the shot.
Bright shining as the sun...
We've no less days
To sing His praise
Than when we've first begun.

The music finishes on a dissonant chord.

Cut to a closer shot, of LEON peering out through the crack in the curtains. He looks paranoid. 

He disappears in a curtain-twitch.

We've no less days
To sing His praise
Than when we've first begun.


[TIME: c.7'30"]
 
JIM_DT continues on his whistle, in spite of the fact that the song has ended. He is playing Goodbye My Coney Island Babe. 

His performance fizzles out as he realises the song is over. 

He looks about for some sort of feedback.

ZOE and JOE enter shot, minus their previous baggage.

A door opens onto the balcony, and out of it steps CARVER (Mark Wingett). CARVER is a stern looking character in a big grey overcoat. He wears narrow dark sunglasses like some sort of Nazi scientist.  His name is probably born from some aspect of his behaviour. 

Without looking at LEON, CARVER speaks:

CARVER
I trust you weren't followed.















 

POV from the block: a panning shot along the music-bank walkway, right-left. At the opposite end of the barn are stairs, downwhich now come a pair of strappy, buckly, high motorcycle boots. Above these are black tights and green leather coat-tails. Above further is a skirt of green leather, a chunky metal belt, and a clingy bronze metallic top with a wide '80s-style neckline. 

These clothes are worn by BHUVANA (Lauren Laverne). She also has big chunky gold earings, and her hair is up in a broad red (unshaved) Mohican. 

She is flanked by IVY (Sue Perkins) and ELSIE (Cameron Diaz) who wear similar outfits, but without coats. They wear brown leather cuffs around their wrists, and their hair is in cropped spikes of their own colour. ELSIE carries a sword. IVY holds a staff, atop which is a golden bird: probably an eagle, but perhaps a large wading bird or a duck of some kind. The bird clutches with webbed feet the legend "SPQE".

ZOE
Where are we, Doctor?
  POV-style tracking shot along the path to biology. We start at the Vanbrugh / Goodricke bridge, and move with moderate pace.

ANT is walking away from us towards the doors of Biology. 
We approach him.


JIM_DT takes a resigned breath.
LEON
No one saw me come here.
JIM_DT
Driffield.
CUT TO:
CARVER scans the balcony.
EXT - CROISSANT - EVENING

Distant shot of Croissant (in the style of the earlier shot of Gleceon 7 in the BOTTOM LEFT frame). Croissant is a built up version of the University of York, and we last saw it in Ep5. It should look the same as then.

As the simultaneous shots come to a close, OMRA (Matthew Perry) comes into shot from below. He is close to the camera, which will have to shift focus rapidly, and has arrived in shot by virtue of walking up the hill the camera is on.

This incarnation of OMRA is the young, unprostheticed version as seen in Babysham. He wears a brown dressing gown (with white and brown rope piping) and slippers, and carries a futuristic shepherd's crook.

He comes closer, blacking out the shot.

CUT TO:
CARVER
Then you better come inside.
As we reach ANT, he enters Biology, and the door slams in our face.
CUT TO:
CARVER slips back in the building, followed by LEON. 

LEON looks around the balcony, before shutting the door on us.

A POV shot from the stairs, of the doors shutting to.

INT - LARGE MEDIEVAL BARN - LATE AFTERNOON

Shot of empty stairs. 

This shot is actually a continuation of the TOP RIGHT FRAME, with these frames combining into one shot.

The three women descend the stairs.
 

As their heads come into shot, their feet enter the BOTTOM RIGHT frame and the the two frames become one shot.
EXT - CLIFFS - EVENING

Reverse angle as OMRA approaches JIM_DT, ZOE and JOE, waving and saying:
 

 

Another angle reveals a LEON spying from the stairs. 

He slopes off down the steps and out of shot.
 

BHUVANA and her retinue walk steadily towards STEW. 

MARY, LUCY and CAROLINE prostrate themselves before her. 

OMRA
Hello there.
MIX TO:
BHUVANA waves them aside.
A yellow and blue droid, ATOO, rolls past. It looks a bit like a remote controlled pedal-bin.

It is comical on the uneven ground. 

An alleyway below, where the LEON walks off past a recycling area. Here, an old woman, OLD_GALENA (Julia Carling in latex) is hobbling up to a bottle bank with a wine bottle. CU shot of BHUVANA and STEW looking straight at each other with level eyes. STEW glances down. 
OMRA
Come by!
OLD_GALENA reaches the bottle bank. This frame breaks away, replacing the characters' mouths with their feet.

We see that BHUVANA is stood on her tiptoes.

The BOTTOM RIGHT frame breaks away, but we maintain the shot, which is now essentially just their eyes.
The droid turns and rolls into a rock.

JIM_DT rolls his eyes but his friends look on in awe as we...

WIPE UP TO:
 
She deposits her bottle with a pleasing chink of breaking glass. 
WIPE DOWN TO:
 
INT - MEDIEVAL BARN - LATE AFTERNOON

The LEFT-HAND frames combine to give a full length shot of BHUVANA and STEW's face-off, from the opposite angle to the other two shots.

STEW looks back up and smiles.
Rumbling, dissonant music begins to escalate into a crescendo.
STEW looks back up and smiles (though the smile is out of shot). 
BHUVANA signals with her left hand.

ELSIE jabs her sword into STEW's side, just beneath his right rib.

A shot of their waists now, from an angle that shows the left side of BHUVANA. BHUVANA signals with her left hand, and ELSIE jabs her sword into STEW's side, just beneath his right rib. Out of shot, BHUVANA signals with her left hand, and ELSIE jabs her sword into STEW's side, just beneath his right rib.

 

Understandably, STEW's smile degenerates. The shot remerges with the TOP RIGHT frame to show STEW's smile dissolving into an agonised O. Understandably, STEW's eyes become contorted in pain.
The shot breaks away to mid-torso. 
BHUVANA thrusts her hand into the hole left by the sword.
She feels around.
CUT TO:
The shot breaks away to show  MARY, LUCY and CAROLINE enjoying the spectacle.  We enjoy the very different expressions of STEW and BHUVANA, as she feels around inside him.
INT - BOTTLE BANK - DAY

We are in a dark bottle-bank (green bottles), and at the centre of shot is a woman's hand, probing in the darkness from the aperture. Her arm is surrounded by a halo of light.

There is a cracking sound, followed promptly by a shriek of pain from STEW.

We pan right through the spectators, then...

CUT TO:
Break away to a shot of BHUVANA's eyes, all a twinkle. Break away to a shot of STEW's eyes, in pain.
The hand feels for and grabs a bottle that is well within reach. It lifts the bottle out of the bank. In the glint of light we can see that it is half full of red wine.
CUT TO: 
INT - MR CHOPS - MORNING

It is dark and moody, as ever. We are looking from the lobby door, across towards the shower. We perhaps play with the focus.

We continue the pan right that was started in the BOTTOM LEFT frame, but from the angle of a single unified shot, such that we are revealing a right of shot that was previously obscured (while at the same time obscuring the left of shot). Mid-torso shot. 

BHUVANA fiddles a bit more before drawing out one of STEW's ribs, all bloody.

INT - GALENA'S TARDIS - DAY

The hand belongs to GALENA (Lucy Porter). She has chocolate-coloured hair in a long, broad bob, and wears black-rimmed, wide and narrow glasses. She has on a moderately tight purple ribbed jumper, black jeans and black ankle-boots. Her sleeves are rolled up.

She draws the bottle from one of the port-hole decorations on the wall. They can only be made out on the left wall. The rest are lost in the limbo expanse that is this set.

She lifts the bottle to her mouth and takes a swig of red wine. She then mops her lips.

Leon's door swings open on our right, spilling some light onto Alex's door, opposite, plus the shadow of LEON.

LEON emerges backwards, from his room. He is dragging the corpse of BARNIE.

BHUVANA examines the bone, perhaps sniffing it. She then tosses it into the air. 

 

Shot to show that STEW is unconscious.
She carries the bottle with her as she walks steadily to the right. The wall pans out of shot, and we keep GALENA at the centre as she strolls into the depths of limbo.
 

 

Closer reverse angle, looking down the corridor (from a higher position), as LEON struggles to extricate BARNIE from his room.
CUT TO:
This frame combines with the TOP RIGHT frame again.

We follow the bone up into the rafters of the barn (with the top of the arc being in the other frame).

Vision and sound...

CUT TO:
 
This frame combines to become the top half of the BOTTOM RIGHT frame.

The soundtrack takes on Ligertian proportions as we follow the bone up into the rafters of the barn.

Vision and sound...

CUT TO:
[TIME: c.9']
We cut to a shot extremely close to the Tardis controls. The uppy-downy bit of the control column is to the left of shot. 

GALENA approaches, from the distance, in the space of the top-right. She is far away and out of focus. 

She gets closer by the end of shot, with her legs disappearing behind the desk panels, but she remains out of focus.

CUT TO:
FX:

A silver bullet on a black background. It is positioned in opposition to the bullet in the Top Right frame.

There is a slow-motion explosion at the base of the bullet, launching it right. The camera angle moves to follow it, and in so doing becomes it.

The camera rotates in slow motion towards a point of light. The point opens up to become the following setting, revealing rifling in the black surround.

INT - MR CHOPS - MORNING

Shot from the lobby side:
Leon's door slams shut and LEON curses under his breath. This slam coincides with the firing of the gun in the neighbouring frames.

Shot from above the shower (high reverse angle):
LEON drags BARNIE up the corridor, in our direction. BARNIE's movement is accompanied by a drawn out squeak.

BARNIE is leaving a trail of slimy blood behind her.

CUT TO:
FX:

A silver bullet on a black background. It is positioned at the same angle as the bone was before the cut.

There is a slow-motion explosion at the base of the bullet, launching it left. The camera angle moves to follow it, and in so doing becomes it.

The camera rotates in slow motion towards a point of light. The point opens up to become the following setting, revealing rifling in the black surround.

INT - MR CHOPS - MORNING

We shoot from above the kitchen door (our standard shooting position), as LEON rounds the far corner, dragging behind him the corpse of BARNIE.

CUT TO:
 
...INT - BOOK SHOP - DAY

Spinning bullet-cam (slow-mo; we'll vary the rate to synch-up events as necessary), out of the gun, through the book-shop, past BABYSHAM who is stood at the window. 

Another bullet is hurtling towards us from outside. It is coming from the direction of a skate park beyond.
There are three bullets hurtling in roughly the same direction as us, too. Two are a little further ahead, and the third is much closer.

EXT - FLAMINGO LAND PENGUIN ENCLOSURE - AFTERNOON

TWO MALE PENGUINS (FX), very much in love, sit nursing an egg-shaped rock. They kiss each other a bit. They are uninterested in the distant sounds of a sermon that are drifting into the mix from the left. They increase in volume as we pan about the scene to reveal a rapturous flock of penguins (this pair excluded), stood listening to JOHN (stood in the water in full evangelist garb):

JOHN
And I will strike down upon thee, with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt to

...EXT - DEVONSHIRE GREEN, SHEFFIELD - DAY

Spinning bullet-cam (slow-mo; we'll vary the rate to synch-up events as necessary), out of the gun, through the skate park and across the green towards the road and the bookshop beyond. 

INT - LIFT - MORNING

The panel-door slides open, revealing LEON in the corridor, with BARNIE's corpse. He is struggling.

The first of the bullets on our side of the window strikes the window at the same moment, and in the same place, as the bullet outside, causing the window to shatter. Glass rains down in slow motion, and there is an explosion of mercury from the two impacting bullets. This washes across the expanse of the window frame.
poison and destroy my brother. And you will know my name is the Lord...
In our line of fire is an approaching armoured 2CV, and beyond that the first floor window of the book shop. Broken glass is raining from that window, in which stands BABYSHAM whose laser eye is going haywire and spilling light in all directions.

Another bullet is in our shot, also spinning towards the 2CV, at a slightly different angle to us. We might also make out two bullets coming in the opposite direction, from the window to the car, but, as they're small and pretty much head on (with a car increasingly in the way), it will be hard to see them.
 
 
 

 

The door closes on BARNIE's head. It repeatedly djungs against her head, beating it into a pulp.

We hear a voice off (right). It is TOMY (Robbie Coltraine):

The second bullet on our side smashes through the window of mercury soon after the first, causing beautiful ripples.

We and our fellow bullet smash through the remaining glistening shards of liquid metal, and out into:

...when I lay my finger upon thee.

He points directly at the gay couple.

The couple squawk with indignation, and nuzzle each other, as we hear a splash off.

TOMY
Hiya, Leon.

As he says this, he steps into shot, to the right of LEON. 

LEON jumps, but then replaces his initial surprise with a calm sense of calm.

LEON
Ah, Tomy. Just the man.
Give us a hand, would you?

TOMY instinctively helps lug BARNIE into the lift-shaft, while LEON keeps the door in check.

TOMY
Is this that cleaning lady?

LEON
A-huh.

TOMY
She alright?

...EXT - DEVONSHIRE GREEN, SHEFFIELD - CONT.

We are hurtling towards the skate park across the green, but in our line of fire is an approaching armoured 2CV.

We see that JOHN is baptising one of the penguins, blessing it with the sound of a crossed theremin.

JOHN
(to camera)
He comes not in peace but with a shotgun.

We maintain the subtle laps of water, but hear no more dialogue in this frame.

JOHN wades through the water towards the gay couple, stopping occasionally to baptise any penguins in his path. His approach consequently takes a little time.

She's clearly not alright. She's covered in blood and bruises.

LEON
She's had a funny turn.

TOMY
She... asleep...?

LEON
Yes. Yes, she's asleep.

TOMY
Wow. That's proper fascist, is that.

They've got her in the lift now. LEON stands upright, smearing blood off himself.

LEON
Well fascist. Yeah.

CUT TO:
Our bullet and the second bullet tear through the wall of the 2CV at the same moment (but in different places). We have quite a lot of armour plating to penetrate, but we just about manage it. 

And now we are in the car, we can now see that the head of GOD (a comp-gen Dennis Potter) is in line of fire. 

Our bullet and the second bullet tear through the wall of the 2CV at the same moment (but in different places), and our bullet continues up through the darkness and into the stomach of a cowled ALEX who is driving the vehicle. It then passes through Alex (all pumping tissue) and out the other side. We can now see that the head of GOD (a comp-gen Dennis Potter) is in line of fire. 
INT - MR CHOPS - MORNING

Shot from the kitchen. 

The gay penguins are increasingly worried as JOHN comes up to them.
LEON strikes the lift control, and the door shuts to coincide with the cut-out of the sound in the other frames.

LEON wipes his head smearing blood across his face.

We apply the reverb of a cathedral:

TOMY
You cut yourself.

We go thwacking into the front of his head, still in line with the skate-park beyond. As we impact, the screen fills with an explosion of blood and mercury, and then whites out. 

Accompany the above with a buzzing crescendo of sound that cuts out at the impact.

Beat.

With some considerable splashing, and an amusing double-squeak, JOHN boots both penguins into the air. They hurtle through the overcast sky (clearly stuffed, and distantly shot).

The penguins fly out of shot leaving only empty grey-white sky.

We go thwacking into the back of his head, still in line with the window of the book shop. As we impact, the screen fills with an explosion of blood and mercury, and then whites out. 

Accompany the above with a buzzing crescendo of sound that cuts out at the impact.

Beat.

LEON licks his finger and shakes his head.

LEON
Jam.

He offers a bloody finger to TOMY, who turns his nose up.

TOMY
Scrubber.

He turns away, and opens the door that we're shooting through, obscuring and blacking out the shot in the process.

Seamlessly, we've...
MIXed TO:
INT - GALENA'S TARDIS - DAY

We pan right, and the control panel comes into view. We pan back to the position we were in at the end of the scene here in the TOP LEFT. But GALENA is not in the shot.

We tilt down to a side view of JOHN, and pull out to get a better view as he bends down to pick up the rock-egg.

 

Overhead shot of the 2CV, which now has its top off. There is chaos all around. Sound is subdued like after a rock concert. JACKIE (Julia Sawalha), dressed as Jackie Kennedy, is screaming at ROBERT WINSTON (Alistair McGowan doing his Groucho Marx thing).

As we zoom closer, we see ALEX is rocking, clutching his stomach, in the front seat, while in the back, STEW is clutching and rocking GOD, but GOD's brains are, alas, spilling out all over the back seat, and mercury is dribbling down his chest. STEW is crying and babbling, and the rocking is causing the 2CV to shake. 

Cut to a closer shot of LEON, licking at his fingers and walking back towards his room. GALENA's head appears in the space above the control panel. She is much nearer now.

As she approaches further, we crane up to get a more sensible angle.

He sniffs the rock-egg and examines it, quizzically.
We pan back to the lift door. 

The "up" button is flashing, and then the "door-open" button lights up.

The door djungs open.

She takes another swig of wine and runs her fingers through her hair. 

Putting the bottle down by the control panel, she produces from her pocket a sonic screwdriver (a flat-bladed little thing with an orange perspex handle containing a bulb and a fuse).

A shot of the side of the pool. JOHN's hand enters shot and cracks the rock against the edge. From the rock pours thick, treacly blood. The blood runs into the water, and the water goes disproportionately bloody (all very Scorsese).

The clouds of blood...

MIX TO:
We zoom further and further in, past STEW, and towards the dead and bloodshot eye of GOD. 

We zoom right in, through the pupil, rotating the shot as we do so.

MIX TO:
BARNIE, in perfect health (well as perfect as it ever was), steps out, backwards, dragging behind her her floor waxer.
WIPE TO:
Shot from under the control-panel. GALENA slides into shot using two metal handles on the desk to pivot her weight. The screwdriver is between her teeth.
Down under the desk, she sits and sets about unscrewing a panel above her. It should be one of several maintenance panels.
EXT - DEVONSHIRE GREEN - DAY

Blood is flooding from the whimpering ALEX's wound as he sits rocking in the driver's seat of the 2CV. TWO PARAMEDICS lift him out (in a seated position).

EXT - GLECONIAN SAUCER IN THE SKY - EARLY EVENING

Underneath plan shot of a rotating flying saucer. The saucer is modelled on Sheffield's "Wedding Cake" registry office.

MIX TO:

 
[TIME: c.10'30"]
INT - CRAGSIDE BILLIARD ROOM - DAY

A blue sphere with beautiful shimmering spots of light reflected in it.

We are following a blue snooker ball as it trundles into the right centre pocket.


 

 

The PARAMEDICS lift ALEX into the back of a St John's Ambulance. 
CUT TO:
INT - AMBULANCE - DAY

Therein, ALEX slowly allows himself to drop into a laid down position, on his back.

INT - GLECONIAN SAUCER - EARLY EVENING

We have a shot up a metal corridor. At the end is a semi-circular doorway with an iris-style seal. The door is reflected in the polished floor, with the "horizon" being exactly at the centre of shot.

The door irises open. LEON paces towards us, coat billowing. As he occludes shot we reverse angle. The reverse angle is actually the same set. He paces to the door, which opens onto a bright white limbo. The door irises shut as he enters.

CUT TO:
 
As the ball disappears, a rain of blue chalk descends past the camera and into the pocket. 

We draw back to see JIM_SD bending towards us, cue pointing straight at the camera. 

He lines up on the cueball.

We see the back of a male nurse, dressed entirely in white, with a white hair-bag on his head. 

He pulls a lamp down from the ambulance roof, to get a better view of ALEX's wound.

INT - SAUCER CONTROL ROOM - CONT.

The room is white, with lots of scaffolding railings and stuff. LEON is stood at the door. He approaches.
He is walking up to a large console unit, at the centre of which is a big industrial chair, turned away from us.

ECU of CARVER's face (eyes closed), with LEON in the background (beyond the chair). Focus moves from CARVER to LEON.

LEON
It is done.

The cueball fires straight at the lens.
With a swift rise and arc, the camera moves into a reverse overhead shot to see the white ball strike a pink straight into the left side pocket.

Colour of Money track of the white which is spinning back for a black into the pocket that is normally at the bottom left of our telly.

JIM_SD smiles as he walks over to the pocket in question.

We are in a Victorian billiards room in a stately home. The windows have been replaced with white light-boxes.

JIM_SD wears tidy jeans and a dark blue shirt.

Once the plate is unscrewed, GALENA takes another swig of wine. A shot of ALEX's face (eyes closed in acute pain).

The nurse's masked face comes into shot (think the Alien smelling Ripley). 

The nurse pulls his mask down revealing himself to be a ginger-haired JOHN. 

He smiles, threateningly.

Shot of the wound: a bloody bullet-hole surrounded by a mass of scar-tissue. 

LEON's POV. The chair wheels around to reveal a lap containing the disembodied head of CARVER. CARVER's hair is being stroked by the owner of the lap.

Reveal shot to show that GABRIEL (Gabriel Byrne) is sat in the chair. GABRIEL has mad curly hair. He wears a white sheath-dress and has a coat-hanger halo which glows with an inch wide neon-white light (not as intense as it might otherwise be, given the quasi-limbo setting). Oh his feet are German para-boots, with no laces.

GABRIEL shakes his head, disapprovingly.

GABRIEL
Mr Protznedvic... You've been a very naughty boy. 

He runs his hand around the inside of the pocket, removing some fluff from the top edge. 
He walks around to make the pot.

He wipes his cue with his handkerchief.

He goes down to make the shot. 

She probes the screwdriver in the hole, into a mess of smouldering wires. 
The bulb lights up. 

GALENA pulls the screwdriver out, shaking it.

She crawls around to a fridge-like door in the column, and opens it. It is a cupboard full of household cleaning products, dusters, candlesticks, matches, tins, boot-polish etc.

JOHN puts a finger into ALEX's bullet-hole.

ALEX's eyes open as he screams.

JOHN pulls his finger out and licks it like a Cadbury's Flake.

ALEX is unconscious, as JOHN goes to a small fridge and opens it. Inside are chilled crucifixes, four bottles of Shepherd Neme "Bishop's Finger" (in the door), and packs of medical vials of holy water.
 

No Christmas presents for you this year.

LEON looks lightly pissed off.

GABRIEL bounces CARVER's head in his hands. Suddenly, without warning, he hurls it at LEON.

LEON catches the head.

LEON
(to CARVER)
You ok, Carver? 
You look a little pale.
(to GABRIEL)
I hope you're not expecting me to quote Hamlet here. 

He's really thinking about it. She drags some of the stuff out, including a triple torch.  JOHN pulls out a pack of vials (marked with a suitably medical label baring a red crucifix and "Aqua Sancta" in swiss print), and unwraps it, taking one of the vials. 

 

Where's his wallet anyway? He owes me money.

GABRIEL
You'll not need money where you're going.

LEON
I really think I will.

He makes the shot.  She sets the torch to strip-light mode. He uses the vial to fill a hypodermic needle. The needle is marked with a crucifix. There is the clicking of guns, as two NINJAs move into shot and point their golden AK-47's against LEON's head. The NINJAs are dressed in white, with little chicken wings sticking out of their backs.
LEON shrugs.
The black rattles the jaws.
MIX TO:
She turns the torch off. JOHN puts the rest of the vials in his pocket. LEON lunges forward a step, then freezes. 
EXT - PARK SQUARE, SHEFFIELD - DAY

A busy roundabout with bridges across for the Supertram. We see the Supertram and all manner of traffic.

She clears a path to the back of the cupboard, then thrusts an arm in. He returns to the wound and thrusts in his free hand. 

The wound is small, so this is quite a struggle, but JOHN gets his arm in right up to the elbow.

He throws up CARVER's head and catches it, while the NINJAs react.

GABRIEL
If he does that again, you can shoot him.

LEON rolls his eyeballs.
He takes off his glasses. 

She struggles with something at the back of the cupboard. He struggles a bit and then pulls out, clutching Alex's detached heart.
LEON
I'm tired...

As he wipes his eyes he accidentally drops the specs to the floor.

LEON
...Let's discuss this later.

The glasses morph into a two-foot diameter hole in the ground...

In the stantion of one of the bridges we notice a blue, tardis-like door. This is not the centre of our attention, but with recourse to special effects, the door dissolves into nothing, and disappears leaving bare wall. There is a click and the scene is plunged into darkness. The heart comes out with a plop and a spurt of blood. LEON falls in, dramatically.

CARVER's head pops up out of the hole and rolls about the floor slightly.

By means of localised special effects, we follow a reverse-footage tram as it trundles over the bridge and up Commercial/High Street towards Castle Square.

Because trams look the same one way as the other, the reverse should be subtle, but as we get further up the hill, more events outside the tram should be noticeably backwards (though by no means all).

We intercut POV shots of the tram from the front window.

We warp the speed of the tram such that it goes faster and slower, and repeats the same section of track at a number of speeds.

 

There is a flicker and the strip-light torch comes on.

GALENA drags the torch back round to the open panel. 

The needle glints in the medical light, and JOHN injects the auricle of the left atrium of ALEX's heart with the holy water.  The NINJAs, surprised, shoot down the hole. CARVER's head is booted away. GABRIEL, also surprised, stands up and steps towards the hole.

GABRIEL
Get in after him.

One NINJA leaps in, head first.

There is an orange glow of gentle fire coming from within.

She swigs some more wine; the bottle glows in the torch-light.

She prods the screwdriver back in the hole and starts tugging at the wiring. Bits of smoking, lightly flaming wire rain down around her.

The heart smoulders as if being attacked by acid.

JOHN cracks open another vial and takes a swig as if it were a bacterial health-drink.

He licks his finger again and then uses it to make a cross on ALEX's forehead.

The hole dematerialises with a TARDIS vroog-vroog-vroog, leaving behind the NINJA's legs and waist. 

Golden angel-blood spills across the floor. It looks like that sparkly gold ink you can get.

GABRIEL tosses the legs across the room, and smears the blood about with his boot. No sign of the hole.

He looks past the camera, enraged. His little wings flex.

DIAGONAL WIPE TO:
She rolls a sleeve down over her weaker hand.  He tears open ALEX's cowl.  INT - CRAGSIDE DRAWING ROOM - DAY

Long shot down a brightly lit room. There are sky-lights in the ceiling, throwing down limbo-inducing amounts of white light.
We've replaced the kitsch paintings with Kandinskis and Star Wars conceptual art, all in grand frames. There's a giant print of Chevy Chase (in Fletch Lives) on the left wall. In among the tat on the tables are Star Wars models. At the far end of the room is a grotesquely over-the-top marble fireplace. To the left of the fireplace, obscuring a door, is a tripartite screen.

As the tram approaches Castle Square (POV shot), an oncoming bus explodes dramatically and veers into our path, all aflame. 
Before we can hit it, the earth beneath it falls away, and the explosion drops into the earth.
She plunges the sleeved hand up into the hole, and rips out all sorts of circuitry and wiring. He thrusts the heart at his chest. The heart disappears into the palm of JOHN's hand, and ALEX splutters and coughs. The scene is like John Hurt in reverse. LEON's legs fall into the fireplace, followed by the rest of him, in a crumpled lump.
He's just getting up when the top half of the NINJA falls into his lap. The NINJA's gun strikes LEON's head and fires the corner off one of the pediments of the fireplace.
A moment later, so do we, and all about is plunged into darkness. 
CUT TO:
She dusts off the smouldering jumper, then shines her light up into the hole. JOHN places his other palm over ALEX's wound, and shakes the choking ALEX. LEON rubs his head. His clothes are covered in golden blood, and so is the floor.
INT - TARDIS CONTROL CONSOLE - DARK

We are in the dark amongst alien circuitry. 

She peers into the hole.  With the ferocious movement of a faith healer, JOHN tears his hand away from the wound, which is now unspoilt flesh. 
 

 

JIM_SD
(o.o.s)
You're making a right mess.

Reveal shot showing JIM_SD leant against the pillar at the left of the fireplace, previously obscured by the screen. He has his snooker cue in his hand.

A striplight torch is put in from a hole at the bottom of shot. It doesn't shine straight at us.

We can see GALENA peering up into the console. 

She puts the torch in.  His other hand slides up ALEX's chest to grip his neck. 
There is no blood or any sign of the heart.
It now looks as if JOHN is throttling ALEX.
LEON
You would if you'd lost your glasses.

LEON stumbles towards JIM_SD, throwing the semi-NINJA into the fireplace. 

She puts her head into the hole and peers about, grabbing the torch and shining it right at us, blinding the shot in whiteness.

Bleach out and...

MIX TO:
After a moment she puts her head in. So it appears to TWO ST JOHN'S BADGERS (a boy and a girl) who appear at the back door of the ambulance. 

BADGER GIRL
Hey! What you doing?!

He passes a statue of the water-nymph Undine, patting its head and kissing it, and leaving behind golden lips of angel-blood.
 
[TIME: c.13']
EXT - SKATE PARK - DAY

ECU of the white slinky fabric of BHUVANA's outfit. 

GALENA starts and bangs her head. JOHN looks at the cadets. 
LEON
Good luck.

LEON walks through the now open door behind the screen.

CUT TO:
We pan slowly to take in the blood and mercury flowing from a gunshot wound near her appendix. She pulls her head out of the hole, rubbing it.  His throttling arm releases into an outstretched palm, and ALEX falls back to the bench, silent. INT - CRAGSIDE BILLIARD ROOM

We look straight over the snooker table. JIM_SD stands by one of the score-boards on the far wall. There is an open door to the right from which we hear (after a beat):

She pulls out the torch and points it behind her. JOHN puts his palms together in prayer, and bows his head.
LEON
(o.o.s)
You seem to have decked this out quite fancy.

As he finishes his sentence he appears in the doorway.

We pull out gradually to eventually reveal BHUVANA's dead form, which is tentatively being nudged by the foot of TINKER (Dudley Sutton). There stands JASON (Jason Donovan). He wears a tutu and pink ballet slippers. His clothes melt to the floor like Obi-Wan or a quicker Wicked Witch. There is no sign of JOHN.
JIM_SD
I do my best on limited means.

JIM_SD flicks a switch and the table descends into the floor. 

The lighting descends too, and from a niche in the ceiling comes down a Tardis Console. 

GALENA
I'm trying to fix this bloody machine.

Jason is startled.

We linger on this for a moment.

Then...

MIX TO:
 
GALENA
Oh... sorry, Jace...
I regenerated.

 

EXT - STRUBBY AIRFIELD - EARLY MORNING

It is an overcast day in Heaven. We are at an abandoned airfield with a derelict conning tower. The ground is shrouded in mist.

JASON
You did?

GALENA
Yeah... I electrocuted myself.

JASON
Oh.

GALENA
We discussed this, Jace.

Caption: HEAVEN

The Wedding Cake flying saucer spins slowly down to the ground. 

Also in this scene, LETITIA (Amelia Bullmore) is sobbing over the corpse of SATAN (David Dickinson) who has been shot in the face.
JASON
I know...

GALENA
Well what do you think?

She shines the torch on herself.

It is a slightly bumpy landing, as the vehicular building comes to a stop.

Some CARDINALS with Biggles moustaches and carrying flags etc, mill about the landed registry office, seemingly doing airporty things.

The Console settles at the centre of the room. It has six green uppy-downy things rather than the usual one.

JIM_SD walks up and starts playing with the console.

 
JASON
Er...
Jets of steam from the building add to the mist on the ground.
LEON
If I could see that, I'm sure I'd think it was very classy.
And round the corner, JADE (Pooky Quesnel) is comforting a freaked out BABYSHAM who is sat on the banking of the skate park with his gun at his feet. His face is blank.
GALENA
Not like it?
I think it's pretty good. Bit gawky perhaps, but I'm not complaining.
The door of the registry office opens, and out strides GABRIEL flanked by a single NINJA. JIM_SD opens a draw on the console and pulls out LEON's glasses. 
He passes them to LEON who has come up by his side.
LEON puts his glasses on and looks around.
JASON
Right.
SIMON (Peter Simon) half-runs to greet GABRIEL. He wears a white sheath-dress and a pair of green wellies. He looks pretty cold, and constantly tries to warm his hands against his neon halo.
LEON
Lovely.

He goes over to the light-box windows.

ALAN is walking towards the scene from the crowds by the road in the background. He is shot so that we don't see his left hand and all to his left. He looks depressed.
GALENA
Bit suppler. 
Not much, but a bit. 
And I can hold my water now too. So that's good news, eh?
Distant shot as SIMON bows a bit before GABRIEL and then gets him to follow into one of the pre-fab sheds at the side of the airfield.
CUT TO:
LEON
Not much of a view.

JIM_SD is still fiddling with the controls. LEON is walking back over.

CU of BABYSHAM being tentatively comforted by JADE. A hand comes in and touches BABYSHAM's shoulder. We cut to a reveal shot showing the hand as that of MARTY (Neil Dudgeon). He wears a brown suit.
JASON
I suppose.
Need any help?

GALENA
No, ta. Wine?

JASON
Mm? No thanks.

INT - CUSTOMS SHED - DAY

Dry ice is all over the floor. There are two channels drawn on the floor: red and green, and at the centre of the room is a golden radar gate. The shot is distant, low to the ground, and fixed. The hangar doors in the distance are open.

LEON
Need any help?

JIM_SD
No, ta.

LEON
Mm...

Reveal also that ALAN is being escorted to the scene (from the crowds at the road) by a POLICEWOMAN (Nula Conwell). Sundry POLICE mill close by, chattering into radios. JASON sits, crosslegged in the middle of the floor.
 

GALENA swigs some more wine, then goes back into her hole. 
 

Save the halo of light around her neck, the scene is now in darkness.

SIMON guides GABRIEL through the gate. 

SIMON
If you would step through the gate, my lord.

 

LEON hangs his bloody coat on the door. 

He does his best to wipe the blood off the rest of him with a handkerchief from his pocket.

MARTY carefully picks up BABYSHAM's gun with his jacket sleeve, while still holding BABYSHAM's shoulder. 

BABYSHAM doesn't react at all.

The gate beeps over LEON's "bloody" in the TOP RIGHT stream.
 
 

SIMON
Don't worry about it.

LEON
This bloody angel-blood gets everywhere. Sorry about this.

JIM_SD
(no sound)
Don't worry about it.

Everyone in this scene is pretty much stunned with the exception of the passionate LETITIA who kicks and screams into the arresting arms of the detective SPILLAINE (Darrell D'Silva) before collapsing into his chest in that defeated tearful melodrama cliché. A police incident cordon is being set up around the skate park in the background of the shot.
CUT TO:
JASON
Shall I sing a song?

GALENA
I don't think so.
Not now I've got my hearing back.

GABRIEL seems somewhat annoyed, as a CARDINAL sweeps him with a hand-held radar thing. LEON, carrying a chess book that he has taken from the inside pocket of his coat, lays out on a long seat at the side of the room and starts to read.
EXT - LEEDS CORN EXCHANGE - DAY

Any signs that say Corn Exchange are altered to say "Great Hall of Calvados". 

It is early morning and there is absolutely no traffic. 

Which is as well, because a mongrel dog is sat in the middle of the road, with his back to us, looking towards the main entrance of the building. 

There is a splatting sound as Jim_SD's green and cream police box Tardis materialises over the dog.

(beat, as she comes out of the hole)
Joke.
It bleeps at GABRIEL's halo.

GABRIEL reluctantly sets about removing the halo assembly.

JIM_SD flicks something with a grand movement and steps back as the uppy-downy tubes start to do that rising and falling thing that Tardis consoles occasionally do at grand moments. This comes complete with materialisation noises.
JASON
Oh.
The CARDINAL assists GABRIEL with the halo.
LEON
Oh. Are we there already?

JIM_SD
Fraid so.

GALENA
(peering into the hole)
Where's your guitar?

JASON
Back in my room.

LEON leaps up, snapping shut his book. He goes and puts his coat on. Meanwhile, JIM_SD makes a couple of final tweaks to the console, which has come to a halt.
GALENA
(out of the hole)
Well why don't you go and get it, eh?
GABRIEL tries to go through the gate again. 

This time nothing bleeps.

He picks up his blue jacket from a chair at the side and starts putting it on as he strides purposefully to camera. LEON strides behind him.
JASON
(downbeat)
Ok.

GALENA
Good lad.

The CARDINAL gives the halo a cursory glance before trying to fit it back on GABRIEL. JIM_SD slides a curtain open at the side of the room we've mainly been shooting from, revealing a very ordinary double door with a green EXIT light above. 
Close shot of the door of the Tardis. It opens, and out steps JIM_SD. She returns again to the hole, and starts poking about. It's a half-hearted effort, and the halo wilts to one side.
FADE AND MIX TO:
He opens one of the doors and exits into the outside world.
CUT TO:
...a new shot which takes in the right hand side of the shot in the TOP LEFT frame. The two frames are now one. This scene is:
 
[TIME: c.14']
 
This frame now merges with the TOP RIGHT. JASON turns away and slumps off into the darkness. EXT - MIDDLEWOOD HOSPITAL, SHEFFIELD - EARLY EVENING

Establish a ruined hospital.

Bats fly about across the face of the oversized moon.

MIX TO:
EXT - LEEDS CORN EXCHANGE - DAY
Cut to a locked off shot with the Tardis at the centre.

JIM_SD steps out into the street and looks about. 

Shading indicates the active frame.

Cut to a locked off shot with the Tardis at the centre.

JIM_SD steps out into the street and looks about. 

Shading indicates the active frame.

As he is surveying the scene, LEON appears from the same door.

LEON
You missed.

JIM_SD
No. Even with the Stargate open, there's still restricted access to dimensional portals.

LEON
So what do we do?

LEON tries to push the Tardis but it doesn't budge.

LEON
We can't push it.

JIM_SD
Wait there.

JIM_SD goes around the back of the Tardis, out of shot. There is a pause during which we hear some clunking noises.

We stick with GALENA as she continues to probe with her torch and her sonic screwdriver.

She's really getting down to business now, and the hole she is in occasionally glows whiter with the sounds of welding.

INT - MENTAL HOSPITAL - NIGHT

We track through corridors of the scariest hospital we can conceive. We should probably use a hand held camera at a low angle for that extra-spooky feel.

We set the scene with an array of suitably frightening extras: bald mad people with bad teeth, terrifying Soviet nurses in dirty white outfits, chilling Nazi doctors who worship at the feet of Morpheus. We mix them up a bit and have them scattered along the corridors at appropriate points.

In addition, parts of the corridors should be smeared with yellowing blood, covered in mildew, and generally looking nightmarish.

On our journey we occasionally follow trolleys being carried hear or there, and catch distant screams. Mix in some eerie music with an element of escalating horror.
 
 

 

As he is surveying the scene, LEON appears from the same door.

LEON
You missed.

JIM_SD
No. Even with the Stargate open, there's still restricted access to dimensional portals.

LEON
So what do we do?

LEON tries to push the Tardis but it doesn't budge.

LEON
We can't push it.

JIM_SD
Wait there.

JIM_SD goes around the back of the Tardis, out of shot. There is a pause during which we hear some clunking noises. 

Then, with a whirr of electric motors, JIM_SD drives around to the front (and into shot) in a small forklift truck (with an orange flashing light on top).

LEON
That's handy.

JIM_SD
That's why I brought it.

JIM_SD guides the forklift into a position from where it can lift the Tardis.

LEON guides JIM_SD to the entrance and ends up in a position where he'll not see the squished dog-remnants on the tarmac.

JIM_SD
How'm I doing?

LEON
Left a bit. That's ok. Keep coming.

JIM_SD drives the forklift and Tardis into the building. 

As he does so, we flare to white.

GALENA
Hah!

Satisfied, she begins to pull out, but as she does so, she knocks the torch to the floor.

The torch hits the floor and switches to orange flashing light mode.

At the same moment, GALENA hits her head.

GALENA
Tits!

She begins to pull out of the hole, but her hair is caught on something.

GALENA
Yow!

She tries to detach herself, and eventually succeeds.

She picks up the torch and flicks it back to the neon setting.

She goes to the fridge-like door again, and flicks the circuit back on.

The lighting in the room flickers on like neon, and as the intensity increases, we bleach out.

At one point we pass by an orange flashing light fixed to the wall. What it might indicate is unclear.

After a while we find ourselves outside the door of a cell. We hear strained cooing and babbling from within.

The door opens all by itself and we enter. We are in a padded, brightly neon-lit, off-white cell at the far corner of which sits LUCY. She has deep set eyes, greasy hair, and wears a straight jacket. She is spotty and dribbles snot and saliva. She is rocking and moaning. 

Wrapped up in her noises, we might catch a distorted:

LUCY
You don't exist...
You don't exist...

She wraps her tethered arms over her head. 

Her noises (and the soundtrack) reach a frightened crescendo, and we zoom into her terrified and tearful eye.

Bleach out. 

Then, with a whirr of electric motors, JIM_SD drives around to the front (and into shot) in a small forklift truck (with an orange flashing light on top).

LEON
That's handy.

JIM_SD
That's why I brought it.

JIM_SD guides the forklift into a position from where it can lift the Tardis.

LEON guides JIM_SD to the entrance and ends up in a position where he'll not see the squished dog-remnants on the tarmac.

JIM_SD
How'm I doing?

LEON
Left a bit. That's ok. Keep coming.

JIM_SD drives the forklift and Tardis into the building. 

As he does so, we flare to white.
 
 

[TIME: c.15']

All four frames unify.

FX:

Blood and mercury seep across the screen and congeal in the caption: "ANS X". The white limbo of the background then flares through the lettering and we white out again. This will be our ad buffer in syndication, but on ATV it is simply the title card.

to PART TWO