ANS11 

[ACT III]

CAPTION:
EXPERIMENT IX

EXT (FX?) - CAROL'S HOUSE - MORNING

An orange-brick house (though not cartoonishly so) - detatched, with a rectangular hipped roof and two stories. Central red door, and black-painted 4-pane windows to left and right on both floors). There is a chimney at the right of the roof.

The house is the only building in sight, and sits atop a green hill. A hedgerow delineates the front garden, with a central path to the door, and a simple, low-level gate. A road runs from left to right, with a pavement.

The following section is presented in real time with no jump-cutting.

An auto-rikshaw van enters from left and parks up outside the front gate. CAROL (Carol Leader) exits on the house side, wearing a yellow satin sheath-dress, white labcoat, and white and yellow trainers. She makes her way to the back of the van and opens it up, popping the keys in her labcoat pocket.

In the back of the van are two 1990s-style Head bags (sans heads): one white and pink, one black and purple. CAROL drags one of the bags out. It is clearly very heavy... about the weight of a 1970s metal sewing-machine... and the contents are evidently a little fragile, as CAROL is far from rough or casual in her handling. She struggles to lug the bag out, and staggers with it to the gate. She puts the bag down on the pavement and opens the gate, then moves the bag into the front garden.

CAROL then returns to the van for the other bag. She puts it in the road while she closes the van and locks it up, then she lugs the bag to the gate, kicks the gate open, and lugs on to the front door.

She goes back to the gate and shuts it properly, then lugs the original bag to the front door. She digs into her pocket and finds the house keys, then unlocks the door (a simple Yale lock). She disappears into the house, presumably to reset an alarm panel, then she returns and heaves the two bags inside.


CUT TO:

INT - TING-YING'S ROOM - DAWN

MUSIC: The Delgados - Pull the Wires from the Wall.

TING-YING stands by the whole in the wall. She's pulling fibres from the broken plasterboard. The curtains blow and the half-light flickers across the scene.

TING-YING
Creeping round my house at dawn,

I'll keep my curtains closed.
If you're feeling fond of feeling wronged,
Fully clothed.


CUT TO:

INT - CAROL'S HALLWAY & STAIRS - CONT.



A Deco sort of space. To the left, a grand white staircase.

CAROL lugs one of the bags up the foot of the stairs.


CUT TO:
INT - STAIRS (HES RD) - CONT.

KAT sat on the stairs.

KAT
For a second time you're on my mind,

Planted on these stairs.
You forget I do not pay in kind...
Kind's not there.


CAROL lugs the bag up the staircase to an intermediate landing which is illuminated by four white-framed windows: square, round, diamond, and arched. Beyond the windows all we see is a blue-white sky and winter sunlight.


CUT TO:
INT - MILLS'S ROOM - CONT.

ECU as MILLS looks up to camera. She has a glint, and she smiles as she sings:

MILLS
For the eyes to see through

All that I do...

Broader angle of MILLS standing up from her bed, ascending to the right. She continues her song and walks towards us. We track out of her room...

MILLS
For instance I don't have to try.

I'm falling over all the right lines...

MILLS ascends the small flight of stairs out of her room as she sings that last line. We continue our track back through the upstairs corridor, with MILLS in tow...


The stairs double back to the right, and CAROL heaves the bag up the second flight.

MILLS
We only have to leave this last.
Resist all falling at the wrong times.

Last line delivered as she turns the top of the stairs (with camera backing towards Kat's room).

CUT TO:
INT - CAROL'S UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR - CONT.

A dark corridor, Deco wood-panelled, with wooden doors to each side at regular points. There's something oddly gothic about it. CAROL lugs the bag along its full length to a door at the far end.




CUT TO:
INT - BEENA'S ROOM - CONT.

The sleeping form of CAM, in Beena's bed. His clothes are hung over a chair at a nearby desk.

The camera lowers down and we...
MIX TO:
INT - LIVING ROOM (HES RD) - CONT.

The sleeping form of LEON, in reclaimed bedding on the settee by the kitchen door.

TING-YING looking in through the hole in the wall.

She unlocks the door and deposits the bag just inside.
CUT TO:

INT - VANBRUGH GALLERY - DAWN

Crane-shot from outside, looking through the window at BEENA who is sat at a bar-stooled desk overlooking the lake (partially reflected in the glazing). She has library books in front of her. She's trying to distract herself from last night's events, and she is failing miserably. She looks up and past the camera.

BEENA
Safe in knowledge, safe in college,

I know all there is to know...

She slaps her book shut.
Shot from inside (effectively, reverse angle), stepping off her stool.

BEENA
To have never stepped outside this ring;
Fools they flow.


CAROL returns downstairs.
CUT TO:
INT - KAT'S ROOM - DAWN

KAT stood with her back to us, clutching herself in a shady corner by the window.

KAT
For the self-assured I have no cure -

CU headshot of KAT looking to camera.

KAT
I only wish I was.

Broader shot of KAT leaning into the wall and then steadily slumping down to the floor.

KAT
As my entertaining thoughts grow fewer...

CU headshot again.

KAT
Stills my course.



CAROL lugs the second bag to the stairs.
CUT TO:
EXT - VANBRUGH PARADISE - DAWN

Close-up side shot of BEENA, leant against one of the concrete columns along the galleried walkway to Central Hall.

BEENA
For the eyes to...
 
Broader shot from ahead.

BEENA
...see through...

Broader still, with BEENA kicking off the column and stepping forwards along the path.

BEENA
...all that...

Broad crane shot sweeping up and contextualising BEENA as a tiny figure on the lakeside:

BEENA
...I do


CUT TO:
EXT/INT - LANGWITH PATH - DAWN

Another tracking shot. BEENA walking along the footpath through Langwith towards Derwent. KAT joins from the right of shot.

BEENA & KAT
For instance I don't have to try.

I'm falling over all the right lines...


CAROL lugs the bag up to the landing.
MILLS joins from the left.

MILLS, BEENA & KAT
We only have to leave this last.

Resist all falling at the wrong times...

CUT TO:

INT - TING-YING'S ROOM - DAWN

A teary TING-YING, in front of the hole in the wall, raises her head to face us.


TING-YING
For the accent for the day...

CAM appears at the hole, behind her, looking dejected but concerned.

CAM
Don't walk just sway...

TING-YING
And the incidents they'll happen,
and they'll happen anyway.

LEON appears behind CAM.

 LEON
This current dance.




CAROL lugs the bag up the rest of the way.
CUT TO:
INT - LIVING ROOM (HES RD) - CONT.

Reverse angle - TING-YING through the wall. CAM leant against the wall. LEON sat against the alcove corner.

TING-YING
When you leave here,
leave this way...

 CAM
One last request...


TING-YING
You are far enough to be impressed...

ECU of TING-YING.

TING-YING
...But not so far to be depressed.

Slightly broader shot, tracking back.

TING-YING
Drink your souvenirs and go your way...

CAROL lugs the bag along the upstairs corridor and to the door.




CUT TO:
EXT - DERWENT BRIDGE - DAWN

BEENA climbs the stairs to the bridge.

BEENA
For instance I don't have to try.

I'm falling over all the right lines.

We hear the following, subtly, under the mix. The sound quality is squelchy and phases in and out.

OLD LEON
(Jean Reno)
Anything?

SALLY
(Deborah McAndrew)
Nothing.

ZED
(Johnny Depp)
Nope.

OLD LEON
Then this isn't a spaceship.

SALLY
There must be one somewhere.

LEON
Nope. I think we're screwed.

CUT TO:

INT - CAROL'S LIBRARY - CONT.

The library continues the slightly menacing Deco theme, and borrows from the set of the film Desk Set.

A cast-iron mezzanine sweeps across a rear alcove, and at the centre of the balustrade is a large Deco clock (showing it to be about 11am). Below the clockface, at the end of a bay of shelving, a turntable rotates subtly (1 rev per minute), upon which stands a model of York Minster.

To the right, an office; all around, shelves and filing cabinets. There's an almost industrial feel to the setting. Some of the shelves contain computer components. There are boxes strewn about the place.

CAROL backs into the room with the second bag. She closes and locks the door. 
CUT TO:
EXT - HESLINGTON HALL - DAWN

KAT leant nochelantly against the wall of the building. Shot from the garden side.

KAT
We only have to leave this last.

Resist all falling at the wrong times.
ANT
(Ben Kingsley)
Brothers.
Now is the time.
Now we must make our
declaration to the world.
CAROL pulls the two bags over to the right.
CUT TO:
EXT - HES EAST - DAWN

Deserted swamp. A lonely, winding roadway towards a distant lake. MILLS walking along it.

MILLS
For instance I don't have to try.

I'm falling over all the right lines.



ANT
The time has come
to show the people
the words of our lords.
She heaves an empty filing cabinet away from a wall adjacent to the side office. There, in the wall is a tall metal panel, a good foot across, with a rounded indent at the top. There are two large red screwcaps / dials, vertically about a foot apart, and about 6" in diameter. 
CUT TO:
INT - LIVING ROOM (HES RD) - DAWN

TING-YING sat on the settee, between LEON and CAM. The three of them eating toast and marmite.

TING-YING
We only have to leave this last.

Resist all falling at the wrong times.

ANT
The time has come
to meet our gods in
a jubilant statement
to the unbelievers.


CAROL pulls on them and the whole panel slides out with a burst of steam to reveal an arched shelving unit. A series of colourful cartridges are arranged in a cut-away shelf at the top of the arch, below which, in line with the dials, are two large glass panels, c.6" tall x 2' wide.


TING-YING looks dejectedly down at her plate.
FADE TO BLACK.
ROD
(Peter Davison)
Alright, Ant.
The game's up.
You can stop all of this now.


CAPTION:
The Barbican Theatre
ANT
Oh. I was really getting into that.
Ok. Well done.
CAROL unscrews the first red dial, revealing beneath a circular cap of similar size, with the screw-bore at the centre.


CAPTION:
York


OLD JIM
(Frank Skinner)
Ant?

ROD
Yeah. Look, Ant...
Up there,
the Geese have got
Dalek technology.



CAPTION:
2000AD

ANT
What?

ROD
The geese have got
extermination rays and what-not.

ANT
Oh.

ROD
Which is not good.

ANT
No.

ROD
And they're going to kill everyone.

CAPTION:
Jim and Leon have travelled back in time
in an effort to save Earth and its After-realms
from goose-inflicted destruction.
ANT
We better blow them up then.

ROD
Ok.

ANT
Esteban, do the business.

ESTEBAN
(Guy Siner)
The ropes?

ANT
No, Esteban...
Blow up the geese.

ESTEBAN
Ah. Yes, master.

She grabs a pair of pliers from a nearby shelf and uses them, open, within the screw-bore, to unscrew the cap.

CAPTION:
They have interrupted the personnell of secret organization MI7
who are mid-way through a ritual which will open up a 'Stargate':
a means to permit the very time-travel that Jim and Leon have just undertaken.
Beat.

ESTEBAN

Shit.

ANT
What's wrong?

ESTEBAN
The destruct system has
been over-ridden.

ROD
Ah.

ANT
Commence emergency evacuation.

ESTEBAN
Ok.



OLD JIM
Emergency evacuation?

ANT
Those geese could
destroy the Earth at
any minute.
We're getting out of here.
 

There is now a c.6" circular aperture in the side of the shelving unit. It vents a bit more dry ice.

 CAROL unzips the pink bag and pulls out something well-swaddled in damp towels.
CAPTION:
Of course, none of this is real....

JIM2
(Kevin Spacey)
Should we... um...
use the... you know?...

ESTEBAN
The ropes.

ANT
No. No. Best not.
Just launch the ship.

The dramatics will have to wait.


CAPTION:
It is taking place within a virtual reality universe
which itself is part of a shared hallucination brought on by too much television.

ROD
Dramatics?

ANT
Yes. It's nothing really.
Esteban?

OLD JIM
Isn't there a way we can
save the Earth from
total destruction?

ANT
No.

CAROLINE
(Heather Nova)
What about all our friends?

She rests the parcel on the bag and goes to grab goggles and gloves from another nearby shelf.
CAPTION:
That is not to say that events within this reality twice-removed
have no bearing on our own world.

ANT
You've got a time machine.
Sort it out later.

We've got more
pressing matters ahead.

JIM2
I thought we weren't doing that.

ANT
I wasn't on about that.
Just launch us.



ROD
Ok. You go and pick up
Sally, Zed and Leon
at the university.

You go down the river
and round that lot up.

CAROL returns to the wall apparatus.
CAPTION:
Far from it.
TARDIS noises and splatting sounds.
She carefully unwraps the towels to reveal a c.2' long hexagonal prism of bluish brushed steel. Each long face includes a frosted glass panel which should fluoresce slightly (a different colour for each panel). The ends of the prism have certain fittings and circuitry.


BABYSHAM
It's a good thing your tardis
has a winch mechanism.

CAROL lifts the prism and gently pushes it into the aperture in the side of the shelving unit. Once it's in a little way it gets sucked into the housing with a satisfying plup.
CAPTION:
MI7 are exploiting this unprecedented access
to the temporal fabric of the universe...
TOM
(Tom Baker)
What happened?

ROD
Looks like that version of me forgot to allow time for his tardis to clear.
Just rematerialised over himself.

TOM
Ew.



CAPTION:
That's what Carol Leader's up to right now.

SARAH
(Sarah Michelle Gellar)
Hey. This chunk of bloody matter is pulsating.



ROD
Yes. Well it's still alive.

TOM
What?

ROD
It's the whole being dead and
gone to hell thing from last episode.

TOM
Oh. Eternal pain, and all that.

CAROL replaces the end disc.

ROD
Yes. Because we've
already died once,
we can't die again.

But we can get blown up
and we can feel pain.


CAPTION:
Making the most of an opportunity that existed...
TOM
Lovely.
Is he going to
regenerate now then?
CAROL replaces the dial.

ROD
If he has any sense.

TOM
I see. Watch yourself, Sarah...
 This could be a bit messy.


CAPTION:
...for a single slice of time...
ROD
Quick!
Help us push him together.

ESTEBAN
We have lift-off!

CAROL sets about the second dial.


CAROL opens the second aperture.


CAROL opens the second bag and unwraps an identical prism.
CAPTION:
...for all time...

TOM
This should be moderately confusing.

TOM2
Hello everyone.

She inserts the second prism.

BABYSHAM
Alan!

OLD ALAN
(Hugh Hopper)
Hello.



CAPTION:
...conscious that the door could be closed at any moment...

BABYSHAM
What're you doing down there?

OLD ALAN
Keeping out of the way.

BABYSHAM
I see.



CRAIG
(Tom Cruise)
Look, I hope no-one minds me asking,
but who does that leave in eternal pain?

She fastens everything up again, taking off her gloves when convenient.

CAPTION:
...by any passing postman with a gun.

FX PIXEL BUILD-UP ON:
FX/INT - BARBICAN THEATRE - NIGHT

TOM2
(also Tom Baker)
Caroline, Jeremy,
Sally, Zed and Leon.





Footage from Episode Nine, pixelated in tiny coloured lamps. The upper torso of OLD LEON looking offended (or as offended as one can look when rendered in tiny coloured lamps). The scene continues in the same fashion.

OLD LEON
I'm not in eternal pain.

ROD
He's right. Leon wasn't dead.
He is now though.

TOM2
Which means he'll be in hell.

ROD
Right.

OLD LEON
Maybe someone ought to rescue me...
I need rescuing right?



ROD
It seems a bit risky. We already have one of you.

OLD LEON
Yes. Well we have three of you.
I'm pretty sure that in the interests of fairness...

A panel below the second dial slides back, and a very turn-of-the-'80s spongy-looking numeric keyboard fssses out with another spurt of dry ice.
The image freezes on OLD LEON continuing to look exasperated.

The image gradually disassembles.

ROD
Hang about... there's four of us.

TOM2
What?

TOM
What?

ROD
Yes. The one before
the one before you.
Down there.

TOM
Well if he's down there,
and the Earth's set to explode,

then that'll be...
a paradox... won't it?

CAROL punches some numbers into the keypad, which illuminates in response.

There is a dramatic gearing-down noise, then some throbbing David Lynch machinery kicks in.
ROD
So therefore...

the Earth isn't going to explode...

TOM2
Not necesarily...
it could be that we're
meant to rescue him.

OLD LEON
And me?

TOM
Or it could be another
parallel universe thing.

ROD
I don't think it's the last one.

TOM
Oh?

ROD
No. I've ruled that out, I think.

TOM2
Go on...

The two halves of the screen recombine for a shot of CAROL's apparatus. The soundtrack continues.

The first of the two prisms begins to rotate within its housing like some mechanical tombola.

The different colours steadily become a white glow as the rotation accelerates.

ROD
I think this is a loop.
You're here to stop the destruction
of the Earth by the geese, yes?

TOM2
Yes.

ROD
But you failed, and became me.
But I came back and put you right...

Then the second one kicks in likewise.

TOM2
Yes.

ROD
While you are here by accident,
and don't remember anything
about this incident...

Once both are up to speed, something else kicks in. The pitch of the machinery increases.

TOM
Yes.

ROD
Which is understandable
because your brain probably

erased your memory
to protect you from going insane
with
the thought of having
entered a time loop.

CAROL heads into the side office.

TOM2
What about Sarah?
I thought she died in Heaven.

ROD
Maybe she did,
and just doesn't remember it.

We're dead ourselves remember.
Maybe again, she just erased

her memory to protect herself
from going nuts.

BABYSHAM
Or maybe someone else did...

ROD
Maybe.


CUT TO:
INT - SIDE OFFICE - CONT.

Taking up the whole back wall is a large, 1970s computer with tape reels and blinking lights. Draped across the top is some sort of creeping vine. The machine is gearing up impressively.

CAROL heads to a filing cabinet and pulls out a bottle of champagne and a glass.







TOM
So either the Earth won't blow up,
or we're going to rescue the old me...

ROD
Yes.

She deftly pops the cork (in time with "the Earth won't blow up") and catches the froth in the glass. 

ANNA
(Julia Carling)
Oh. This is confusing...

TOM 
So which?

TOM2
I say we play it safe.

OLD LEON
I say we rescue me.

As it settles, she tops up, and takes a hearty sip.
ALANA
(Shirley Manson)
What's going on my dearest?

OLD ALEX
(Vincent Perez)
I'm not sure,
my lovely parasite of pleasure...

What's going on?

TOM
We're working out a plan
to rescue the other me.

OLD ALEX
Which other you?

She sits in a swivel-chair at a desk at the centre of shot, and wheels it to the computer, still clutching her glass.

TOM
The one down there.
The one with the glasses.

OLD ALEX
The one who looked like
Christopher Eccleston?

She pulls out a 1980s spongy computer keyboard from a recess in the computer and sits it on her knee. A coiled telephone cable connects the keyboard to the computer.

TOM2
That's the one.

OLD ALEX
I see.

OLD LEON
And we've got to rescue me too.

CAROL types "TELNET INTO TOWER" and presses return.

The array of lights that make up the main computer bank flicker into a pixelated moving image. Specifically our Barbican scene from ANS 9. CAROL turns a dial which tunes in the distorted audio of the scene a little more:

OLD ALEX
So how are you going to rescue these people?

WILLOW
(Alyson Hannigan)
Presumably some sort of time travel will be in order... no?

ESTEBAN
Sorry to interrupt your lovely discussion,
but we are about to go interstellar.

Please place your heads between your legs.

CAROL is busy typing code into the keyboard and twisting various dials. There is some sparking and a feedback howl. Some venting of dry ice. But CAROL carries on, undeterred.

TOM2
That's blown it.

TOM
Yup.

CRAIG
Shouldn't you all disappear in a puff of logic now?

ROD
I think I should've done that a while ago, but I didn't.

OLD LEON
Which means what, exactly?

ROD
I'm not sure...

The speed of that last exchange decreases into slow motion at the turn of a dial, and then CAROL punches two important looking buttons on the console. There is a dramatic whoosh and the lighting flickers. The audio speeds up again.

TOM2
I see.

TOM
Ok...

TOM2
But if they didn't exist, how did we know to come to the Barbican?

TOM
If who didn't exist?

CAROL swipes back a fader and the sound cuts out, but the pixellated scene continues to play out on screen. CAROL gets up, still clutching her glass, and pulls a large red lever at the side of the computer. The computer shuts down with a groan.

TRACK (through the wall/door) TO:
INT - CAROL'S LIBRARY  - CONT.

The two spinning prisms slow down. Through the power of CSO, we reveal ROD (upper prism) and OLD LEON (lower prism) pressing their faces against the glass and looking confused (white limbo interior from what we get to see). From their perspective there is no spinning. From our perspective they are about 4" tall.

CAROL approaches the machine and rests her half-empty wineglass on some nearby shelving. She sets about unscrewing the dials again and removing the caps.


WIPE TO:
INT - ALCUIN KITCHEN - MORNING

BEENA and KAT sit on separate tatty old sofas around a low coffee table. A standard lamp occupies the space behind the gap between them. Both sit in silence and occasionally sip from their coffee cups. The cafe is not massively busy.



The inner caps are warm, though not hot. More steam as she pulls them off and they clatter and spin on the floor. As each comes away, the respective prism 'ejects' with a nice action and more dry ice. Inertia sends the occupant flying across the prism interior.



CAROL tentatively touches the top prism but it is hot. ROD is peering out again. OLD LEON is looking up from his prism.




KAT
(cracking)
Are choughs still existent do you think?

BEENA
Sorry?

KAT
Choughs. Are they still existent do you think?

CAROL bends down to attend to something at the back of the apparatus.

She flips open another panel.





BEENA
Is that the best you can come up with?

KAT
I think it has a certain matter-of-fact charm.

BEENA
It'll do.

She pulls a release catch beneath the panel.

With a puff of pneumatics, the whole assembly raises about three inches at the side furthest from the wall.

Two BMX-style rubber handles pfiss out at each side of the bottom corner furthest from the wall.

 

BEENA sips her coffee. KAT watches her.

BEENA
It's not the wackiest question
I've been asked in the last 24 hours.

KAT
No.

CAROL stands perpendicular to the assembly, facing the wall, squats, grabs the handlebars from below, and, with modest effort, lifts. The assembly rises and rotates on some sort of cammed hinge. As with everything else on this machine, there is a mix of effort and pneumatic smoothness. At a certain point in the rotation, the pneumatics intervene, and the assembly gently cushions into place at 90 degrees to its starting point, such that the prisms are now sticking out of the top. ROD and OLD LEON react accordingly - by the end of the rotation they cannot be seen as their floor will be within the machinery.



BEENA
What're we going to do, Kat?

KAT
I don't know.
It... None of it adds up.

Beat.

BEENA
Who is he?


CAROL slams the sides of the handlebars and they return to their housing with little resistance (and another pneumatic suction). The assembly sinks slightly and locks more securely into its new angle.



KAT shrugs.

KAT
Do we take him at his word?

BEENA
I didn't think his word made sense.

KAT
None of it does, though.
That's the trouble.

CAROL punches some more numbers into the keypad she used earlier.

A grinding growl of more machinery gearing up. CAROL steps back. She pulls off her gloves and grabs her wine glass.



KAT sips.

KAT
But then how often do people

just appear in people's bedrooms?

BEENA
Twice, it would seem.

KAT
It would seem.
And the police were clearly expecting
Shed Boy from what you were saying.

BEENA
I saw through their formidable powers of subtlety.

The prisms start rising and falling in their housings as we hear the whirr of a TARDIS. At the full height of the prisms we may catch glimpse of ROD and OLD LEON, but they will likely keep a low profile.

CAROL steps up and punches a few more things into the keypad.



KAT
Quite.

Beat.

BEENA
So we stick by Shed Boy?

KAT
If we're picking sides, I prefer
a terrifield little man who doesn't make any sense
to a bunch of cops who ask odd questions
yet scarecely bat an eyelid at our break-in.

BEENA
A-huh.

There is a jolt -- the room shudders -- CAROL spills a splash of wine on the keypad. She dusts it away, hastily, and knocks another couple of buttons which illuminate accordingly to demonstrate her klutz.

The nearest prism (OLD LEON's) judders in its rise and fall.

CAROL is pressing buttons to clear her error.

She seems broadly satisfied, but the prism is still sticking in its housing.

CAROL nudges it with one of the gloves to try to straighten it out. It seems to do the trick and she steps back again.

The whirring reaches a climax and the prisms dematerialise.

CAROL closes her eyes with a sense of peace at a mission accomplished.

FADE TO:

BEENA sips. She sloshes her cup slightly and so she mops up a few splashes from the table with a paper serviette.

KAT

Plus, I'm not dropping Ting-Ying in it.

BEENA
No.

KAT
But as for what's actually going on...

BEENA looks expectantly at KAT.

KAT
I won't lie, Beena:
I'm fucking terrified.
This is not... it doesn't make any sense!

BEENA shakes her head in agreement. Stares into space a bit.

EXT - MAYGAR - DAY

A Welsh sort of wilderness. Dramatic cliffs, rock, moorland. Bare trees.

Choughs are flying around, tearing at carrion.





BEENA
One thing I do know, though.

KAT
What's that?
 
BEENA
Choughs are still existent.

KAT
(laughing)
Oh yeah?

BEENA
Yeah. I saw some when I was in Wales.

KAT
Well that's comforting to know.

CUT TO:
From the earth, centre-left, a tree thrusts up into the sky: it's a broad, sturdy ash, and it rockets from the soil, disturbing choughs. Its branches extend into the cold sky, and they steam.

The tree is broader than a human.

A crack creeps up the bark of the trunk, snaking slightly but predominantly vertical.

The crack creaks, then snaps open with a sudden jolt. Light pours from the tree, and the shadow of a figure...

ROD staggers from the tree. He's still wearing his spacesuit from Episode 9.



EXT - CONISBROUGH VIADUCT - SUNSET

The ricketty-looking viaduct from ANSX.

North side is centre-right of shot. From the middle of the track, a broad sturdy ash rockets into the sky, disturbing magpes. Its branches extend into the red sky. They smoulder.

The tree is broader than a human.

Crane around so we're looking South along the viaduct. Conisbrough Castle on the horizon.


CAPTION:
Maygar, Asgard. n.d.

As ROD steps away, the tree combusts.

High-speed lightning cross-cuts (a la ANS1) as ROD picks his way across the scene:

ROD in the shadow of a castle;

ROD unleashing a sword;

ROD in front of a wall of flames (from ANS3);

ROD snogging JANE (Gaby Roslin) while casually slaying a dragon;

ROD and JANE in an ice palace, holding flaming torches;

The Bohemian Rhapsody head motif, but with ROD instead of John Deacon and JANE instead of Brian May;

ROD chasing a cow across a desert, being chased by an Alsatian dog;

JANE up a tree in a beautiful garden, a snake round her arm; a lime in her hand;

Dead bodies, fish, and cheeses of various kinds, scattered across a lawn;

ROD clutching a golden Cornish pasty in front of his face, Indiana Jones-ish;

ROD riding a cow, pursued by OLD ALEX, OLD LEON, STEW and the dog (from ANS1);

Man-hole cover in a corridor rises from the floor and ROD is beneath (from ANS1);

Fifteen to One intro shot of ROD (from ANS1);

JIM_CE (Christopher Eccleston), OLD LEON and STEW in a snowy landscape with a blooded OLD ALEX -- ROD leans in from left of shot and whispers into JIM_CE's ear (from ANS3);

 ROD riding a Chocablock buggy down a grassy hill (from ANS3);

ROD in a compacting chamber with JANE (from ANS7);

ROD laid in dust, regenerating into JIM_SD (Steve Davis) (fron ANS9);

JIM_SD in his sniper's nest at The Crucible (from Babysham);


CAPTION:
Conisbrough. n.d.

The tree combusts.

We crane around to an angle whereby we can see OLD LEON stood to the south of the tree.

He is staring at it in slightly baffled disappointment.

He is a bit shaken up but maintains some composure.

The tree disintegrates into a different kind of ash.

As it does so, OLD LEON heads south over the rickettiest part of the bridge.



High-speed montage a la the intro to ANSX:

OLD LEON on a bicycle (from ANS5);
OLD LEON unleashing a bike-pump as a lightsabre (from ANS5);
OLD LEON in a pub, pulls a gun from his coat and shoots (from ANSX);
OLD LEON at the portcullis of a castle (from ANS5);
OLD LEON, JAM-JAR (Vincent Perez) and OMRA (Matthew Perry) in a compacting chamber (from ANS5);
OLD LEON hiding in a shower cubicle (from ANS5);
A cavern full of OLD LEONs (from ANS5);
OLD LEON peering from the balcony of Central Hall (from ANSX);

OLD LEON pulling back the head of a fish costume at a snowy crematorium (from ANS2);
JIM_CE (Christopher Eccleston), OLD LEON and STEW in a snowy landscape with a blooded OLD ALEX -- ROD leans in from left of shot and whispers into JIM_CE's ear (from ANS3);
OLD LEON riding a Chocablock buggy down a grassy hill (from ANS3);

OLD LEON holding a just-fired gun with an oustretched arm, bows his head and surveys his dead friends (from ANS7);
OLD LEON rising into a flying saucer (from ANS7);

OLD LEON on some fire escape steps, in a smoking jacket, reading a book (from ANS8);
OLD LEON, JIM_CE, OLD ALEX and STEW step out of a TARDIS in the Barbican (from ANS9);
OLD LEON with a shovel, knocking out LUCY (Sarah Michelle Gellar) (from ANS9);

OLD LEON shooting God at the skate park (from Babysham);
OLD LEON ascending into a flying saucer (from Babysham);
JIM_SD stood with OLD LEON outside his TARDIS in the Leeds Corn Exchange (from ANSX);

JIM_SD in a clown costume, pulling off his orange wig and red nose (from ANSX);

JIM_SD collapsing in a police cell (from ANSX);

JIM_CB and STEW stepping through a temple doorway (from ANSX);

WHITE OUT.

JIM_SD stood with OLD LEON outside a TARDIS in Leeds Corn Exchange (from ANSX);
OLD LEON stepping from a cupboard and dusting himself off (from ANSX);
OLD LEON crossing the Vortex (from ANSX);
OLD LEON stood outside his TARDIS, then stepping in and the door closing (from ANSX - Leon);
OLD LEON giving a baby a toy goose (from ANSX - Trailer 1);
Shot of a building exploding (from ANSX - Trailer 1);


WHITE OUT.
PRE-LAP: - Southern TV guitar ident music. Repeat.

CUT TO:
INT - MILLS'S ROOM - DAY

TING-YING sat on Mills's holding her phone, which is ringing with the pre-lapped music. She answers.

TING-YING
Hello?
Ah, yes. One moment, please.


MILLS is sat on the floor by the balcony door.

TING-YING
(to MILLS)
It's the landlady.

The two of them get up and head out. MILLS pats the stuffed badger on the head on the way.

CUT TO::

INT - STAIRS / BOTTOM CORRIDOR (HES RD) - CONT.

The two head down the stairs, and TING-YING, still clutching her phone, opens the front door, while MILLS holds back at the stairs.


[c.60']
MIX TO:

INT - UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR, CAROL'S HOUSE - DAY

Looking down the full length, to the door at the end of the corridor -- the door to the Library.

We're tracking towards it, slowly. Is it glowing, or is it just the white-out flourescing in the mix?

The tracking shot is very slow.
The door opens, and there, bathed in sunlight, stands SALLY (Deborah McAndrew). She wears a wooly hat, long purple coat, scarf, mittens, jeans and boots. There's a tablet-size leather bag over her shoulder.

SALLY
Hello - has no-one been yet??

She gestures in the direction of the broken window.

TING-YING
Not yet.

SALLY
They were meant to come out last night
and board it up.



As we get close to the door, it suddenly fires open.

We maintain our tracking shot, forwards, through into:

INT - CAROL'S LIBRARY - CONT.

The room is dusty; cobwebbed.

It's evidently not been used in a good decade or so.

We keep tracking, slowly, into the room.
She sighs.

SALLY
Sorry about this.
I'll ring them.

She comes into the house and starts dialling into her phone with one hand while shutting the door with the other.



We don't progress far, when KAREN sweeps into the centre of shot and just stands there.

She's in her coat and scrutinising a Red & Black A4 ledger.

CU shot of the ledger: handwritten:
EXPERIMENT IX

...at the top of the page. Extensive entabulated notes.

KAREN flicks through the pages...

EXPERIMENT 11


MILLS
Coffee?

SALLY
If you wouldn't mind - please.
Black - no sugar.
(to phone)
Hi - I called you last night...

After a beat - not long enough to read the page, even if it was shot to allow it, she slaps the book shut and peers up to stare deep into the camera.


FADE TO BLACK.
Broken window, Heslington Road.
Yes...

TING-YING opens her door. SALLY looks in and she and TING-YING enter.

FADE TO BLACK.

CUT TO:
INT - LIVING ROOM / KITCHEN (HES RD) - CONT.

MILLS heading to the kitchen. CAM and LEON are sat on the floor by the patio door, playing Scrabble. "Rendezvous" by Pas de Deux is coming out of the speakers (this has been with us, muffled, for the entirety of this sequence).

MILLS
Coffee, boys?

FADE UP:

EXT - YORK POLICE STATION, FULFORD - AFTERNOON

Establish.
MIX TO:

LEON
Um. Yes please.

CAM
Please, Mills.

INT - POLICE OFFICES - CONT.

A large, open-plan space with ceiling tiles, whiteboards and pinboards.

MARTY, O'DELL, PACKER, MADISON, and SPILLAINE are milling about, sat at desks, on desks, leant against walls, etc.

We follow MILLS who sets about putting the kettle on. She pokes round again to ask of LEON:

MILLS
Milk? Sugar?

LEON
Um. I don't know.

CAM looks up at LEON.
A pair of double-doors swing open, and KAREN sweeps in.

She paces across the office, clutching the ledger.

She tosses the ledger to MARTY. MARTY just about bungles a catch.

KAREN starts about taking off her coat and hanging it up on a nearby hatstand.

MARTY
What is it?

KAREN
Every single experiment they
conducted at the Play School...



CAM
Try him on black and we can build from there.
Do you need a hand?

MILLS
I'm good, ta.

MILLS is back in the kitchen.
MARTY looks quizzical.

KAREN grabs the ledger back; opens it, and heads to the whiteboard.

She begins to write, in small, neat hand...

Experiment 0

MIX TO:

Group photo of the ANS0 cast (as seen in ANS6) pinned to a blue hessian pinboard.

Shouted:

MILLS
Who's winning?

CAM
He is.
He might not remember who he is
or how he takes his coffee,
but he certainly hasn't lost his Scrabbling abilities.

LEON
Like riding an elephant.

KAREN
(o.o.s)
Experiment Zero:
Dimensional Interphase Sensitivity.
This was back in the '90s...

MARTY
(o.o.s)
Back in Sidney Dore's day.

KAREN
(o.o.s)
Right. Did a lot of dubious work at the University...
got a group of students to take part
in one of his 'psychology experiments'.
Paid them a fiver each, of course.
Primed them for hypersensitivity to parallel dimensions.
They weren't to know the experiments were still ongoing.

CUT TO:

Newspaper cutting: photo of fire-engines attending a fire in a kitchen in what was Goodricke A-Block. Headline: 7 STUDENTS HOSPITALISED IN CHIP-PAN BLAZE
Copy below.

SALLY and TING-YING appear at the hole in the wall.

SALLY peers through.

She catches sight of LEON, double-taking slightly but ultimately disregarding any thought she had.

LEON does not look up from his game.

We can probably assume he hasn't noticed.

Words on the Scrabble board include as many as possible of:

STAR, GATE, HELL, HEAVEN, CHOCK, BLOCK, GOD, STEW, SISTER, DEAD, ROCKET, CHEF, PHEASANT, VIS, LOCAL, POLICE, PIECE.

LEON adds TELE and ION to VIS and claims two triple word scores and a bonus in the process.
KAREN
(o.o.s)
Experiment One:
Real nasty one.
Demonstration of advanced healing
by recourse to transdimensional reinforcement.
Actually blew some students up to put them together again.

[The "one"s in "Experiment One" and "One, two, three..." synch; as do the "blimeys"]

MARTY
(o.o.s)
Blimey.

CUT TO:

CAM
One, two, three, four-five,
six-seven-eight-nine,
ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen,
twentyeight, thirty-eight-nine-forty-one-two...
eightyfour.

LEON
And I've used all my tiles.

CAM
You've... blimey.
Ninety-hundred-ten-twenty-thirty.
A hundred and thirty four! Shit.
Broad shot of office. O'DELL leaning on the wall (left of shot) sucks her teeth.

CUT TO:

Back to the pinboard. Photo of the Main Street house from ANS1, and the Hes Rd house from ANS4.


KAREN
(o.o.s)
Experiment Two:
Transdimensional consciousness.
Ramping up the effects from the original experiment
by boxing the subjects together within a controlled environment.

CUT TO:


MILLS, leaning on the door jamb (right of shot), sucks her teeth. Goes back into the kitchen.

CAM
Well. I don't think I can win from here.
Happy to call that checkmate.

LEON raises his right hand to his head. He looks a little off-colour.

Shot of LEON's left hand sweeping over the Scrabble board and knocking over a large white king (standard chesspiece design) which lands upon the words GOD and DEAD and scatters the words STAR and GATE.

There's a green glass bead at the other side of the board, scarcely in shot.

SALLY and TING-YING enter the room -- SALLY is putting away her phone, and not noticing CAM and LEON, particularly.

Another pinboard. A tractor-feed dot-matrix printout of a cat sat on a mat and a dog sat on a log. Plus a polaroid of Fred Harris.

KAREN
(o.o.s)
Experiment Three:
[...]
Transdimensional daisychaining.
The original Chockablock experiment.
Worlds within worlds. Russian doll stuff.

CUT TO:



LEON sees SALLY.

He goes even whiter. From his perspective he has literally just seen a ghost.

LEON
Sally?

SALLY
Hm?

SALLY peers at LEON. A sense of dim recognition.
Next pinboard - Classic cover from the "Roderick The Red" Griffin Pirate book; plus a copy of the same cinema brochure as Mills found earlier.

KAREN
(o.o.s)
Experiment Four:
[...]
Multiple parallel realities.

Pan across to lots of photos of Old Leon.

KAREN
(o.o.s)
Experiment Five:
Multiple parallel selves.

CUT TO:

Another wall -
Photo of Karen in Mr Chops.
Photo of Ant in the Goose Mask.

KAREN
(o.o.s)
Experiment Six:
Communication with subjects.

CUT TO:

Another wall - Photo of the Barbican; Completely black postcard (portrait).

KAREN
(o.o.s)
Experiment Seven:
Opening the Stargate
to create a pantemporal axis.



LEON closes his eyes.

SALLY
Do I know you?

LEON
We met once. At...
[...]
some sort of do.

It was a while ago, I think.

SALLY
Oh sorry... I...

LEON
Leon. Leon Protznedvic.

SALLY
Well, sorry Leon - it's a
pleasure to meet you... again!

LEON
And you.

CAM stares at LEON. LEON returns the glance and nods. TING-YING looks at both then gestures to SALLY to sit at the near settee.

SALLY
Oh, thankyou.

SALLY sits. She stares at the back of LEON's head. LEON swipes the tiles across the board, and CAM starts scooping them up into a velveteen bag.



CUT TO:

Pinboard with photos of a greylag goose, a Dalek, Central Hall.

KAREN
(o.o.s)
Experiment Eight:
Test of Seven by recourse
to multiple dimensional
and personal destruction.


CUT TO:

In the kitchen, MILLs is stood, poised, waiting for the kettle to boil. It is shrilling nicely.

Shots of the steam etc.


CUT TO:

Broad angle of the team again:

KAREN
In other words they killed some people
and blew up the planet a bit.
Then had the subjects set it right again.
All in the interests of science, you understand.

CUT TO:

Pinboard: Photos of the prisms we saw before, and Carol's library.

KAREN
(o.o.s)
Experiment Nine:
Direct and controlled migration of subjects
from one dimension to another.
Important prep for...


CUT TO:

SALLY feeling awkward.

TING-YING offers her an open biscuit tin.

TING-YING
Biscuit?

SALLY peers in and picks out a bourbon.
CUT TO:

Traditional shot from above the kitchen worktop as MILLS pours boiling water onto coffee.


CUT TO:

Photo of the Sheffield Cemetery Chapel from ANSX; group photo of Jim, Alex, Stew and Babysham.

KAREN
(o.o.s)
Experiment Ten:
Extraction of the subjects
and formal closure of programme.


CUT TO:

In the living room...

CAM shows LEON a C tile.

LEON opens his hand in a suitably grand gesture to show an X.

He wraps it again with a flourish of long fingers.
CUT TO:

Shot of KAREN turning away from the whiteboard.

KAREN
It's fair to say not everything went to plan.

MARTY
Go on...

CUT TO:

Overhead shot of MILLS adding milk to coffee and stirring.




KAREN

Some of our subjects had... other ideas.
It seems, you put someone in paradise,
they're liable to get a bit reluctant to come back.

MADISON
Go figure.

KAREN
Indeed.

MIX TO:

CU of LEON's eye staring through his glasses, SALLY's reflection thereupon.


Pull out steadily.


LEON
How's your brother these days?

KAREN
We tried to keep

the project open but we
got our budget cut.
Some of our best agents
were stranded beyond our reach.

MARTY
I'm aware of that.


SALLY turns to look at LEON, still chomping on her bourbon.

She eats her bit of biscuit before replying.


SALLY
You know Stewart?

LEON
It was one of his dos where we met.

KAREN
Which rather brings us to...
Experiment Eleven.
[...]
Which is, of course,
why you're here.
And indeed how you're here.

SALLY finishes off her biscuit, nodding.

SALLY
He's well, thanks.



O'DELL

Right. So what changed?

KAREN
That's what we're here to find out.


LEON nods.

SALLY
He's working in Hull.
FADE TO:
FADE TO:
[c.1:05']
[insert intermission break in syndication]

[ACT IV]

CAPTION:
EXPERIMENT X

EXT - SHEFFIELD GENERAL CEMETERY - SUNSET

Footage recorded at the time of ANSX: identical to the scene in ANSX but without the singing:

We're in a queue of pairs of people, behind OLD ALEX & BABYSHAM (two ahead) and JIM_CB & STEW (one ahead), entering the temple doorway and the white limbo beyond.

On the left side of the door stands FRED (...Harris) in his blue dress. He shakes hands with those on the left. On the right, JOHN shakes the hands at his side.

Shot of JOHN pressing a strong two-handed handshake upon BABYSHAM. FRED's handshake is weak by comparison, and single-handed.

BABYSHAM follows alongside OLD ALEX (save a step or so) through the doorway.

JIM_CB and STEW follow in the same style.

We follow through and the limbo light causes us to...
WHITE OUT.

From the soundtrack's throb emerges the guitar of Deerhoof's "Wrong Time Capusle" again.
MIX TO:

FX - LIMBO SET

TING-YING
(o.o.s)
When you hunger number one.

From the limbo, centre-shot, steps forth TING-YING.
TING-YING
It's no wonder under fun.

At the right of shot, STEW and BABYSHAM become visible... through the next lyric they bump into each other.

TING-YING
Don't be mean to see the green.

STEW and BABYSHAM silently shrug at each other. They look around.

TING-YING

You get caught in the machine.

From the right of frame, the limbo begins to dissolve into a wireframe structure and then the wireframe begins to collapse.

TING-YING
You're caught in the machine.

The music and TING-YING melt away too.

At the left-hand side, the wireframe holds and becomes a purple grid on a black background.

All very 8-bit.

In the top right corner, a triangle lights and throbs.

Text-type caption alongside: JAMES BARRETT Yo.Te.Co.Ch.Hl.Sh.7

In the bottom left corner, another triangle lights and throbs.

Tele-type caption alongside: ALEX JEFFERSON Yo.Te.Co.Ch.Hl.Sh.3

Lines spiral out to other nodes nearby. These flash as circles. Captions:

FX MIX TO:
FX / INT - MR CHOPS - NIGHT

The interior of the corridor builds itself around STEW and BABYSHAM. BABYSHAM is gripping to STEW's arm.

The two tentatively step forwards, towards the corner of the corridor.

BABYSHAM
Stewie... we're home...

STEW ineffectually tries to stifle a yawn, then rubs his face and nose with his hand.


JB Yo.Te.Co.Ch.Hl.6
JB Yo.Te.Co.Ch.5
JB Yo.Te.Co.2
JB Yo.Te.1

AJ Yo.Te.Co.Ch.Hl.2
AJ Yo.Te.Co.Ch.1
AJ Yo.Te.Co.0
AJ Yo.Te.-1

The implied spirals should be converging upon the centre of the grid.

Pecked lines spoke inwards from the nodes to the triangles.

At the bottom, in tele-type...

CAPTION:
TRANSDIMENSIONAL REINFORCEMENT ACTIVATED.

Behind them, the door to what was Economics' room clicks open, throwing more light into the hallway.

The sound of The Fall's "Just Step S'Ways" drifts out, and PEGS (Ben Whishaw) follows suit.

He has a shock of curly hair, and wears a jumper and jeans. He's clutching a glass of whisky and a lit cigarette.

PEGS starts and double-takes at the sight of STEW and BABYSHAM. BABYSHAM sees him and nudges STEW.

STEW turns to look at PEGS. Then he and BABYSHAM look at each other...

STEW
(to PEGS)
Sir, pray... what year is this?

PEGS
Er... 1984?

STEW and BABYSHAM look at each other.

It flashes.

The triangles move from their start node, back along the sequence to the earliest nodes.

Beat. Then the triangles flash at new locations at the centre of the grid.

CAPTION:
RECOVERY COMPLETE.

BABYSHAM
(to STEW)
We are the dead.

STEW
(to BABYSHAM)
We are the dead.

PEGS
You are the dead.

The grid wraps into a globe and begins to rotate.

Pull out to reveal:

INT - LIVING ROOM (MAIN ST.) - DAY

The globe is on a CRT TV screen.

We keep pulling back to reveal, on the two sofas at each side of the room, the sleeping forms of JIM (right) and ALEX (left).

MIX TO:

EXT - VANBRUGH PARADISE - 1984 (AN EARLY SUMMER EVENING)

The Paradise in its '80s glory. BABYSHAM and STEW sat with their legs dangling over the edge.

BABYSHAM
I still don't get it.
The stargate should be shut.
How can we be in 1984?

STEW
Maybe your stargate assumptions
were just wrong, 'Sham.

BABYSHAM
Or maybe somebody reopened it.
The TV flicks off, the picture retreating into a white dot at the centre of the screen.


ALEX and JIM wake with a start.
STEW
Reopened; never closed;
I think the most pertinent question here
is not so much "how can we be in 1984"
as "how can we stop being in 1984"?

They ease themselves up from their slumber.
BABYSHAM
The two aren't mutually exclusive;
we can ask both. Plus what's the rush?
We're in our own past... we could
make a fortune just betting on
the FA Cup and Eurovision.


They share a look.

STEW
Well it's June, apparently, so we've
got an eleven month wait for both.
And in the meantime we've got
to put up with the miner's strike,
Thatcher and Wham!

The shadow of someone appearing at the small A4-ish size frosted panel that's in the front door at head height.



FADE TO BLACK



FADE UP ON:

BABYSHAM
You're such a pessimist.

STEW
I think we got the best of this
year first time round, that's all.

BABYSHAM
Fair enough.

EXT - PSYCHOLOGY DEPARTMENT, UoY - DAY

An ominous looking day, and an establish shot of the round-towered Psychology Department at York.




TELETYPED CAPTION:
Psychology Department, University of York

A square cursor blinks for a beat or two...

TELETYPED CAPTION:
- Thursday 15th January 1998

MIX TO:
INT - PSYCHOLOGY DEPT. - CONT.

CU of SIDDOR (Mark Curry) sans mask. Dressed in a mildly stuffy sort of way. He's passing a piece of paper.


STEW
We're going to need a time machine,
and as far as I can make out we forgot to bring one.
Any ideas?


BABYSHAM
No ideas, but I do have a lead.


STEW
A lead?
SIDDOR
I need you to sign this.

Reverse angle to show STEW receiving the paper. Behind him we may catch sight of BABYSHAM (dressed in jeans and a blue checked shirt), CHRIS (Alan Carr), JIM, LEON, ALEX, ALAN, TOMY (James Corden) and MIDGE (Laura Solon). We may not. But all are in this scene. Some are signing bits of paper and handing them to JEMIMAH (Janet Ellis).



BABYSHAM opens his hand to show the blade of a car key.

The fob end has been broken off leaving only the slightest stub by way of space to grip.
STEW
What is it?

SIDDOR
Just a disclaimer.

STEW
What is it?
To say you're a willing participent.

STEW signs it and hands it back. On SIDDOR's desk, a nameplate: Prof. S. J. Dore.

CUT TO:

A circular white room containing a 10-pointed star of Sinclair C5s facing out from a central hub that rises to the ceiling in a mess of cables.

On the bonnet of each is a CRT box-monitor and various cables.

Some of our cast are taking their place in the C5s, and we concentrate on JIM.


JIM gets comfy and JEMIMAH hands him earphones which he puts in. Other aides are helping other members of our cast to get set up.

JEMIMAH attaches a heart-rate monitor pad to JIM's wrist.


BABYSHAM
John pressed it into my hand
as he shook it on the way out.
My guess is it's a car key.

STEW
John gave you a car key?

BABYSHAM
John gave me a car key.

STEW
For what car?

BABYSHAM
That question might take some narrowing down, Stew.
Don't suppose he gave you anything?

STEW
A crushed hand.

JIM flexes his hand.

JEMIMAH pulls out of the hub a cullinder helmet full of wires which she helps him strap to his head.

STEW flexes his hand.
 
BABYSHAM
Probably not a clue.

STEW
Why would he give you a car key?

BABYSHAM
You know, I never got the chance to ask him.

PEGS approaches from behind them, looking confused.

PEGS
Excuse me...

STEW
Oh, hi again.

PEGS
Um... I think I have to give you this.

PEGS hands them a six-inch cubed cardboard box.

JEMIMAH moves to one of the others, and JIM fidgets to get comfy.
PEGS
I found it in my wardrobe last week.
I don't know how it got there.
But it... well...

He turns the box.
Shot of the monitor: A blue screen with the word "TEST" in a simple white computer font.

On one of the faces, in black felt tip, charicature drawings of Babysham and Stew. In red felt-tip: ONLY TO BE OPENED IN THE PRESENCE OF THESE TWO. WAIT FOR THEM - AT LEAST A WEEK.

Shot of STEW getting into one of the C5s. JEMIMAH comes to attend (in similar fashion to the above).
PEGS
We were about to open it,
when I saw you.

BABYSHAM looks at STEW. STEW looks from BABYSHAM to the box.

BABYSHAM
Better let me. I have form with these things.

BABYSHAM holds the box to his ear.

BABYSHAM
Might be sensible to stand back.
Just in case. It is the '80s after all.

Shot of SIDDOR stood at the door, surveying his experiment.

The lights go down in the room, backlighting SIDDOR from the hallway beyond.

SIDDOR steps away from the door and left out of shot behind the wall.

PEGS and STEW retreat a little distance.

BABYSHAM holds the box to the side furthest from them and rips open the lid.

He gently tips the contents, away from him, onto the concrete. Figure-of-eight and crisp-style pieces of polystyrene blow away in the breeze. Rolling in their wake: a tin of stew and a bottle of babycham.

BABYSHAM
It's definitely for us.

MIX TO:

Near-overhead shot of the hub - ten C5s, all occupied. We don't dwell. We crane down in a sweeping angle to meet the head-height of the seated cast.

From left to right of shot:

STEW (facing left), LEON, ALAN, BABYSHAM, ALEX, JIM (facing right).

Behind LEON is TOMY, behind ALAN is someone we've not noticed so far (and still can't see), behind BABYSHAM is CHRIS, and behind ALEX is MIDGE -- but those four are less visible to us.

CUT TO:

MIX TO:
INT - RAY (KITCHEN) - 1984 (EVENING)

It's the kitchen from the early episodes, but looking a bit newer. STEW sits on his chair. There's no knife-marks in it, but he fingers the parts where they should be.

PEGS stands by the fridge. Two more of-their-time students, BEN (Andrew Garfield) and POLLY (Carey Mulligan) watch from the other end of the kitchen.

BABYSHAM opens the tin of stew and pours it into a bowl. In amongst the stew flops out a Matchbox car: a red Lamborghini Countach LP 500. BABYSHAM fishes it out.

From an angled camera in the hub we pan from behind CHRIS to behind TOMY... in each case we see enough of the side of the head that they're identifiable, with their monitor screen in view: composition is such that the screen is at an angle on the left of shot and the head is facing it at the right of shot. The angled camera passes by the back of the head so we get periodic near-blackouts before the next screen/head combo comes into shot. The time we spend with each person is about 20 seconds, making this whole sequence about three minutes long.

CHRIS is watching True Romance: snatch of dialogue low in the mix:

CHRISTIAN SLATER: "I can't tell you... that was one of the best times I ever had. It was. But, you know, I knew something must be rotten in Denmark. There was no way you could like me that much. Man, I can't tell you how relieved I was when you took off your dress, you... you didn't have a dick."

PATRICIA ARQUETTE: "Stop being so fucking calm about all this."


BEN
A Lamborghini?

BABYSHAM
A small child could choke on that.

He rests the filthy car on top of the thick stew, and wipes his fingers in his hands then down his jacket. The car steadily sinks a little.

STEW
What about the bottle?

BABYSHAM
Already on it.

BABYSHAM raises a hand to the lid of the bottle and pops the cap away with a deft flick. 

MIDGE is watching an episode of Light Lunch from October 1997:

SUE PERKINS: Hey there. Welcome back to Light Lunch. We are salivating with excitement because in a second we'll be dining with living legend Twiggy. Are you alright there my love?

MEL GIEDROYC: I don't want to show my knees. Let's hide behind... yeah, cushions, cushions.

He rolls the cap across his fingers, clutches it between ring and little finger, then carefully pours the perry into two glasses on the table.

POLLY
Nothing in the bottle?

BABYSHAM
Only genuine champagne perry,
it seems. However...

He wears the cap as a monocle. Etched into its underside, two rows of three numbers: 592, 518. He drinks from one of the glasses.



JIM is watching Doctor Who: The Three Doctors episode 4:

JOHN PERTWEE: You exist only because your will insists that you exist. And your will is all that is left of you.

OMEGA squeals.

MIX TO:

Overhead shot of kitchen table. A suitably dated OS map, pinned down by the bowl of stew, the Babycham bottle, a plate, and a mug. The two glasses stand empty. STEW places a now-clean Lamborghini onto the map, directly over the National Railway Museum.

STEW
Five - nine - two,
Five - one - eight.

PEGS
The railway museum.

STEW
Ahuh.

STEW picks up a glass of whisky and drinks from it.

BABYSHAM
Well these are the sort of tantalising
clues I basically live for.

BABYSHAM tosses the bottle-top up, then catches it at head-height.


ALEX is watching The Crow:

MICHAEL MASSEE: Jesus Christ!

BRANDON LEE: Jesus Christ? Stop me if you heard this one: Jesus Christ walks into a hotel. Ow! He hands the innkeeper three nails, and he asks...

MICHAEL MASSEE: Don't you ever fuckin' die?

BRANDON LEE:  Can you put me up for the night?


MIX TO:

EXT - NATIONAL RAILWAY MUSEUM CAR PARK - 1984 (MORNING)

BABYSHAM and STEW, flanked by PEGS, and BEN and POLLY, shot at low angle as they stride into the carpark.
High angle shows the context of their search.

STEW
Ok. You go that way, we'll go this.

Quick montage of wandering round a carpark. An instrumental arrangement of Pram's "Omnichord" plays.

BABYSHAM is 'watching' Godard's King Lear (actually he is asleep, and snoring softly):

PETER SELLARS: Yes, they were Easter bells. The images were there as new. Innocent. Shy. Strong. Now I understand the plucky sacrifice was not in vane. Now I understand through his words - St Paul's words - that the image will appear at the time of resurrection.

Down by the railway lines, a tarpaulin-covered vehicle... The tarpaulin is emblazoned with a flaming phoenix motif. It is very dusty. Whatever is beneath hasn't been touched for a while.

STEW and BABYSHAM approach, with the students standing their ground.

They unhitch some rope cables down the side.




ALAN is watching Soft Machine Live in Paris 1970:

A bit of Facelift with Hugh Hopper on bass.






BABYSHAM
One, two, three...

With a deft sweep, BABYSHAM pulls away the tarpaulin to reveal...

...a red Lamborghini Countach LP 500 S with golden wheel-trim and tinted windows. The car has been souped up a bit. There's a soda-stream sticking out of the back, along with lots of other electro-mechanical junk. Cables run along wherever they can run, and into the front. Think the DeLorean from Back to the Future, but cheaper.

STEW
Oh, come on.

BABYSHAM raises the key.

BABYSHAM
Shall we try?

STEW gives a passive, shrugged nod of "may as well". BABYSHAM goes to the driver-side door (he'd been at the passenger side before).





LEON is watching Léon:

NATALIE PORTMAN: Leon, what exactly do you do for a living?

JEAN RENO: Cleaner.

NATALIE PORTMAN: You mean you're a hit man?

JEAN RENO: Yeah.

NATALIE PORTMAN: Cool.

STEW
We've got enough grip on that key
to get it out again if you put it in?

BABYSHAM
Should be.

Shot of BABYSHAM putting the stubby key into the lock. It fits. BABYSHAM grips the stub and turns it. There's a sudden snap, a click, and a cloud of dry ice. The scissor door phisshes up with a pleasing action and BABYSHAM jolts back accordingly.

The interior is not as it appeared through the glazing. There's a dull grey expanse. We don't get a proper view but we can see something's not right.

BABYSHAM
Um, Stew...

STEW cranes in to see.

STEW
Oh, for fuck's sake.

BABYSHAM climbs in, somewhat ungainly.
STEW is watching the Life of Brian:

GRAHAM CHAPMAN: Look, you've got it all wrong. You don't need to follow me. You don't need to follow anybody! You've got to think for yourselves! You're all individuals!

CROWD: Yes! We're all individuals!

GRAHAM CHAPMAN: You're all different!

CROWD: Yes! We're all different!

MAN: I'm not...

OTHER MAN: Shhh!

GRAHAM CHAPMAN: You've all got to work it out for yourselves.

CROWD: Yes! We've got to work it out for ourselves!


CUT TO:

INT - LAMBORGHINI TARDIS - CONT.

A more-cramped than usual TARDIS interior. There's the usual console, but only about 4ft clearance to the roundeled walls. To the side, half way up the wall, one of the roundels is replaced by a Lamborghini-door-shaped aperture, about a foot or so deep, through which BABYSHAM squeezes, then drops to the floor.

There is no power. Very little lighting. The interior is dark save the odd basic light and a geometric screensaver on the viewscreen, roughly in the direction the front windscreen should be with respect to the door. The console is illuminated just enough to be vaguely discernible, until BABYSHAM drops -- at which point the roundels systematically illuminate from BABYSHAM outwards, and then the console is cast in cheap fluorescent white light (complete with flicker).

The lights aren't able to keep it up. They keep dimming, alarmingly, and occasionally cut out altogether.

STEW's sticking his head through the door.



TOMY is watching Cracker:

ROBBIE COLTRANE: Do you know what a normal psychologist will say? Possibly, he'll say that the killer is white, unskilled, a fascist, a football supporter and who lives local. Then, you will realise he's a prick!



In the distance, on the wall, is a window through which peers SIDDOR.

CUT TO:

CU of SIDDOR monitoring things through the window, and peering at a chunky, cream-coloured monitor.

He moves a mouse and clicks.

BABYSHAM flicks some switches on the console. A Windows Vista desktop appears, with a mass of icons. The wallpaper is a rather fetching shot of the Crystal of Enderon. We don't dwell. BABYSHAM clicks a battery icon in the tray. There is 5%.

BABYSHAM
We're going to need some petrol.

STEW
When you say petrol...

BABYSHAM
...I mean fissile material.

STEW
Oh that's ok.
I was worried you were going to say coal.

BABYSHAM
Not coal.

CUT TO BLACK.

FADE UP ON:
EXT - HES EAST - DUSK

A windswept lake bordered by wooden buildings.

A tiny, lone figure battles against the wind. It is MILLS.

CU of MILLS clutching a mobile to her ear.


STEW
Well if I remember Edge of Darkness,
you can't shift for fissile material in the 1980s.

BABYSHAM
I suspect that may not be an entirely
accurate representation. Julian Barnes
noted alarming errors in the details
of the wine cellar, so the chances of the rest
being up to snuff seem scant.
MILLS
What?!

She sticks her finger in the ear, still battling against the wind.

STEW
What?

BABYSHAM taps his temple.

BABYSHAM
Cache.

MILLS
Well does...

She tries to shelter by one of the buildings.

MILLS
No, I'm out on the blasted heath.
[beat]
Ok.
[beat]
Yeah, I'll get down the library and sort it.
[beat]
Ok, see you then.

She puts her phone away, pulls her collar up, and steps back out into the wind.


STEW
Well does your cache have any better ideas?

BABYSHAM
As a matter of fact...

MIX TO:
EXT - YORK MINSTER - DAY

Establish shot of the rose window.

BABYSHAM
(o.o.s)
York Minster's south transept.

BABYSHAM stood below, pointing like a tourist guide.

BABYSHAM
At 2am on 9th July, someone's going
to find this thing on fire. Almost certainly
a lightning strike. I vote we wire it up.

MIX TO:

EXT - YORK MINSTER - DAY

For brief moments, this shot merges with the one on the right, but it depicts the present day, not 1984.

The area has been trimmed up for Christmas.

KAT, BEENA and TING-YING clutch paper shopping-bags (nothing fashionable; vintage etc) and make their way down Deansgate.

STEW
Are you really suggesting...

The shots are structured to occasionally merge with those on the left.

BABYSHAM
We've got the wheels for it.
How big a clue do we need?
I'm going to go out on a limb
and suggest that this is not my plan.
What with the big car-shaped tribute
to Michael J Fox back there.
This one's clearly been laid on.

KAT
Ok. What do we need now?

TING-YING
I still need my coat.

BEENA
Ah yes.

KAT
And I could do with a scarf.

BEENA
Ok.

KAT
Time for a charity shop run.

TING-YING
I think this a good idea.

They walk away from the other scene.

We move our attention to complimenting the other scene again.

FADE TO BLACK.


STEW
Ok. What do we need to do?

BABYSHAM
(to PEGS)
What date is it again?

PEGS
June 26th.

STEW
What's that give us?

BABYSHAM
Just under a fortnight to kill.

STEW
When's Orgreave?
We could go and take some photos
of police brutality.

PEGS
Last week.

STEW
Huh.

BABYSHAM
I guess we just stay here
for a fortnight and
soak in the atmosphere.

STEW
We should probably do a bit of
planning, too. You know, just in case.

CAPTION:
21st December 2015

BABYSHAM shrugs.

Shot of the minster again.
FADE UP ON:

EXT - WAGGON & HORSES - NIGHT

Establish.

MIX TO:

INT - WAGGON BACK ROOM - CONT.

CAM sits at the head of the table wearing a black cowl. To his right, on the main bench, sits LEON in a grey suit and blue and grey striped tie. To his left, in a chair, is TRIX (Colin Morgan), in a studded leather jacket, black jeans, and a dirty-olive t-shirt. LEON has a pale beer, CAM has a lager, and TRIX has a dark beer.

To LEON's right sits BRIAN (Andrew O'Neill) with curly black hair, an '80s rounded-collar shirtwaister dress with red piping and feather pattern, lots of necklaces, chunky rings, and a purple silk scarf. He has a pint of cider.

All the drinks are about half-empty.


MIX TO:

EXT - YORK MINSTER - NIGHT

Should be a clean mix - i.e. the only thing to change should be the lighting. Potentially time-lapse.

POLLY leans by the door below the rose window. She wears a silky grey oversize jacket, sleeves rolled up to reveal a red lining, over a red t-shirt, a matching silky grey ¾-length skirt, red tights and grey shoes with a small chunky heel. Pinned to her jacket is a chunky rectangular brooch which sparkles with concealed red LEDs now and again (no other jewellery).

POLLY is waiting.
CAM looks up. Reverse angle to reveal KAT, MILLS and TING-YING entering the room.

KAT wears a big brown overcoat, triangle scarf and baggy grey woolly hat, with a brown bag, and red-brown boots sticking out below. MILLS wears a grey sweatshirt, a grey cheesecloth skirt, grey woolly tights, grey trainers, and pink legwarmers. TING-YING wears a white mac, white scarf, long, thin earrings, a black bag and black boots.

All of them are mildly damp and snowy, and all have curled their hair.


She picks a fobwatch from her pocket and flips it open.

About 1:08am.

A drop of water lands on the face. It is beginning to rain.

POLLY wipes the rain from her watch, closes it again and puts it away. Rumble of thunder, distant car horn.
CAM
What took you?

KAT is pulling off her hat amd coat.

TING-YING
Kat was running late.

KAT
I apologise.

KAT is in a yellow jacket (sleeves rolled up), yellow, low-cut t-shirt, and brown skirt. There's a red wine stain at the right breast of the jacket, but it isn't obvious because she's wearing the scarf. She and her coat take a seat.


POLLY
What took you?

The Lamborghini being pushed by PEGS, BABYSHAM and BEN. PEGS wears a blue short-sleeved shirt and white trousers.

BABYSHAM wears his usual red bandage ensemble, BEN wears a turquoise shirt and white trousers. All three are beginning to get wet as the rain gets heavier.

BEN
Apparently it isn't very easy to steer.
MILLS
Still, we're here now.

TRIX
And so's the snow, I see.

KAT
Well it's trying, anyway.

MILLS gets sat down in the chair opposite BRIAN. TING-YING goes back to the bar.

MILLS
So what's the plan?


PEGS
Still, we're here now.
[..
..]
And so's the rain, I see.

POLLY crouches and picks up two industrial-looking cables that are coiled at the side of the wall, and which extend upwards towards the roof.
BRIAN and TRIX look to CAM.

CAM
We have another pint or two,
then we head off to our Secret Location.

MILLS & KAT
Ooooh.

BRIAN
Very ooooh.

KAT
Do you know where it is?


BABYSHAM
Put us down just there.

They wheel the car to jut infront of the door.
BEENA enters clutching two drinks.

TRIX
Only Cam and Tone know.

BEENA puts a red wine in front of KAT, and cider opposite.

KAT
Thanking you.

BEENA is wearing a big brown coat, not unlike Kat's, which is open to show a brown shirt blouse and brown trousers. Her hair is curled and bunched to the right. She pulls her coat off, dumps her bag under the table and sits opposite KAT.

BEENA
Looking splendid as usual, Bri.

BRIAN
Likewise, all of you.


BABYSHAM
Nice on.

BABYSHAM looks up the minster and into the rain which is now proper rain. Lightening.

POLLY hands the ends of the cables to BABYSHAM.

BABYSHAM
Thanking you.

BABYSHAM opens something at the back of the car and then rams the cables deep within.

There is some gentle sparking and smouldering, underlined by colossal thunder.
BEENA
What time are we off?

CAM puts down his drink.

CAM
Oh, we've time for another if you like.

TING-YING enters with drinks. Puts a pint of something black in front of MILLS; something tomato-juice-ish next to KAT. She takes her place on the bench.

KAT
We expecting anyone else?

CAM puts down his drink. Shakes his head.

CAM
We'll be meeting Tone up there.
And whoever he can drag along.

KAT and MILLs exchange glances. KAT fumbles in her bag.

A grinding noise from the corridor. A 10" radio-controlled K-9 enters the room.

K-9
Danger! Danger, Master!

The blaster extends from its muzzle.

MIX TO:

EXT - SIWARD'S HOWE - NIGHT

A thin covering of snow.

CAM is leading the way up the cycle-track, followed by the rest from the pub.

CAM heads off the path and into the wood. He loudly whispers:

CAM
Come on. This way!

They tentitavely step into the wood.

CAM reaches a fence and pulls it open a little way. He urges the party through the gap.

MIX TO:

EXT - SIWARD'S HOWE TOWER - NIGHT

Establish shot of the castle-like water tower. The party emerging from the trees at its base. There is the glow of party lighting discernable through its broken windows.

CAM trots past, heads to a doorway, and gives it four raps.

A beat or two and then the door opens.

From the crack of the door, TONE (Shazad Latif) in grey trousers, a brown polo-neck, and a brown velvet jacket with a brown silk hankie dripping out of the pocket.

BABYSHAM
What time are we on?

POLLY
One. You know how to cut it fine.

The driver door opens and STEW clambours through.

STEW
I'm getting some significant
electrical activity overhead.

Lightning.

STEW
You should probably get in!

Thunder.

BABYSHAM
I quite agree.
Look... thanks guys.

BABYSHAM shakes BEN by the hand. Shakes PEGS's hand then embraces him and pats him on the back.

BABYSHAM
We'll miss you.

PEGS
Us too.

BABYSHAM embraces POLLY, kissing her gently in the rain. Lightening. It's a friendly kiss more than it is a sexy one. Thunder.

BABYSHAM
Look after yourselves.

POLLY
Of course.
Mind how you go.


BABYSHAM climbs through the door of the car.

BABYSHAM
Rightio. This might take a while,
depending on when the lightning hits,
so we'll get in and limber up.
Take care.


PEGS and BEN wave. POLLY presses her hand against the glass of the door as BABYSHAM starts to close it.

POLLY
I have to tell you,
I've had so much fun.
I hope to see you next Sunday
at the same time. Goodnight!

BABYSHAM smiles, illuminated by more lightening.


TONE
Come in!


CAM leads the party inside the tower.

MIX TO:

INT - WATER TOWER - NIGHT

It's quite dark, but car battery-powered fairy-lights illuminate the place as best they can. A laptop is rigged up to a sound system and a projector, and the wall is filled with YouTube clips of K-9 doing his stuff with Tom Baker et al.

An improvised bar is loaded with bottles and snacks of various kinds. Blankets, cushions and beanbags are dotted about to make the place a bit nicer.

MARK (Jacob Anderson) and EM (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) in black cowls are chatting over Desperados.

ALAN is sipping from a Wychwood bottle. He wears a flat cap, checked shirt under brown jumper, black cardigan and duffle-coat. KAREN wears a back dress with a purple floral design up the front; her hair up and curly; dangly earrings and a big necklace. She's drinking from a silver goblet.

Our party is in swing. Our guests are sat about, drinking, or playing with the remote-controlled K-9. LEON is eyeing ALAN suspiciously as he chats with KAT and MILLS.

BRIAN is taking photos -- montage: BEENA has a photocopied 1984 cover of The Guardian and is pretending to read it while sitting on a railing; KAT is lounging on a bean-bag, holding a glass of white wine; MILLS is sat on another set of railings, sweatshirt wrapped around her neck, revealing a pink t-shirt; TING-YING, stood in front of machinery in her white mac.

CAM leads a countdown...


STEW
(from within)
Come on!

BABYSHAM pulls the door shut with a rattle of thunder, and POLLY steps back.

CUT TO:

INT - LAMBORGHINI TARDIS - CONT.

It's quite dark. Car battery-powered strip-lights around the place.

STEW racing around the console, flicking switches and readying himself.

BABYSHAM drops down into the room, and we hear the opening notes of "Diggi-Loo Diggi-Ley" by the Herreys. STEW looks up at BABYSHAM. BABYSHAM looks up to the roof.

CUT TO:

EXT - YORK MINSTER - CONT.

PEGS, POLLY and BEN in the shelter of the buildings across from the minster, looking up to the top of the South Transcept. Lightning strikes somewhere just beyond the horizon of the roofline, with thunder immediately after.
Sparks.

PEGS, POLLY, and BEN duck away. A bright light illuminates them.

Angle along the road to see two lines of flames.

CAM
Three...
Two...
One...

The opening titles of K-9 and Company. They last just as long as the first verse and chorus of the song in the right-hand feed.




















CUT TO:

INT - LAMBORGHINI TARDIS - CONT.

The TARDIS interior flares up in sequence. The walls move out, away from the console, to create more room. There are distinct elements making up the walls: a lattice grid, several glowing beams and triangles, and a glowing red 1-shape figure rising above.

BABYSHAM sings...

BABYSHAM
Lightning and thunder,
Magic and wonder...
I don't know how,
But it did happen to me.

STEW, still dashing around, flicks on a newly-functioning scanner and we see PEGS, POLLY and BEN standing in the shelter of the buildings across from the minster.

PEGS, POLLY and BEN
You felt your heart was set free.

BABYSHAM joins in with the console operation, as the room begins to rock.

BABYSHAM
What a sensation!

STEW
We're flying up high now.

BABYSHAM
Sweet inspiration.

STEW
We're going through the sky now.

BABYSHAM
Couldn't believe I was dreaming.
Couldn't believe it was true.

MIX TO:
FX - A STORMY NIGHT'S SKY

The Lamborghini flying through the rainclouds; being struck by lightning.

BABYSHAM & STEW
(o.o.s)
Diggi-loo diggi-ley,
Life is going our way
When I'm walking in my golden shoes.
Everything I ever dreamed of
Has suddenly come true.

MIX TO:

INT - LAMBORGHINI TARDIS - CONT.

BABYSHAM  & STEW
Diggi-loo diggi-ley,
Let this miracle stay;
I could be whatever I would choose.
Please don't wake me up - I'm dreaming
Of me in golden shoes.
 

The titles come to an end and are replaced by a black mass.

We don't pay much attention as we soak up the party atmosphere some more.

More montage as the night wears on.

Dancing is happening. In time with the music in the other half. Indeed, they're doing the Herreys' dance routine, especially KAT, ALAN, MILLS, EM, BEENA, BRIAN, TONE and TING-YING.

Off the dancefloor, CAM and TRIX are getting it on.

At the bar, KAREN observing the scene. LEON comes into shot and leans next to her.

LEON
What are you doing?

KAREN raises her goblet.

KAREN
Drinking. You?

LEON
Observing.


BABYSHAM paces to stare blankly into one of the roundels. Shot from the side, as if he's staring through a window.

BABYSHAM
I know my dream was a fantasy illusion,
But when I woke up, I came to the conclusion:

BABYSHAM faces us.

BABYSAM
I can be what I want to.

More TARDIS turbulence sends BABYSHAM reaching for the stability of the console.

BABYSHAM & STEW
Woah-oh... woah-oh...

The TARDIS stabilises, and STEW and BABYSHAM are able to do the actions...
KAREN nods and grabs a handful of Seabrook crisps from a nearby sacrificial bowl.

Our attention returns to the dancing. KAT and ALAN very much dancing as a team, as are BEENA and BRIAN. Nothing necessarily to it, you understand. Just a kindred proximity, perhaps. But ideas of distinct personal space have largely broken down.

BABYSHAM & STEW
Diggi-loo diggi-ley,
Let this miracle stay;
I can be whatever I would choose.
Please don't wake us up...

BABYSHAM
Don't wake me up...

STEW
I'm dreaming...

BABYSHAM & STEW
...of me in golden shoes.
MIX TO:
EXT - SIWARD'S HOWE TOWER - NIGHT

Disestasblish shot craning away.

We may catch a glimpse of a hooded figure walking up the hill.

Tilt to the night sky and...

MIX TO:

 Please don't wake us up...

STEW
Don't wake me up...

BABYSHAM
I'm dreaming...

BABYSHAM & STEW
...of me in golden shoes.

With the climax of the music, the console explodes in a rain of sparks, and STEW and BABYSHAM dive for cover. The sparks extend into the left-hand frame.
CUT TO:
FX - CLOUDY STARSCAPE

Lamborghini pointing to two o'clock, drifting to one o'clock, then suddenly explodes. Two halves of red car drift upwards, while the camera drifts downwards, accompanied by a string flourish which becomes a medley of Luxembourg Eurovision winners (as used in the 1984 contest).

Clouds glow with internal lightning, and steadily rise past us. As they do so, they deconstruct into wireframe meshes bearing electric-blue currents. The currents die away as the meshes rise up.

As the music reaches Avec Moi, a stylised light-box version of the South Transcept drifts into view: two vertical pieces rising up from the picture to leave two diagonals and a central disc which flickers in 24 back-lit segments of purple and orange. More latticeworks drift upwards (not just clouds but also bits of cathedral architecture), along with the right diagonal, and we zoom a little to leave only the left diagonal (left of shot) and the disc (right of shot). A second part of the diagonal lowers into place behind it, and a third, as we zoom through the gap between the diagonals and the flickering disc (now only a quarter thereof). Si La Vie Est Cadeau then dramatically segues into a bombastic Te Deum. Rays of red, yellow and blue light sweep in from both sides. We dramatically change angle and head for the centre of the disc,  and the light rays curve into a ball around it. The disc collapses into a wireframe spinning Earth which then zooms towards us as do the halo of rays. The wireframe Earth unfolds from the centre out, into a latticework of twelve radiating stars, and then twelve bright points of light explode from the centre and take their places at the twelve stars. They flare to a white out... Then fade to black, but the Te Deum starts again and the twelve points burn orange from the darkness.

MIX TO:

EXT - SIWARD'S HOWE - NIGHT

Overhead shot of woodland. From within the woodland, the twelve points of light still shine, courtesy of twelve flaming torches. It is midwinter, and there's a covering of snow. The flaming torches move towards a central clearing.

FADE TO BLACK.

[c.1:15']

[insert intermission break]

to ACT V